Kids: Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with...

By Anonymous - 30/01/2014 12:34 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 558

You deserved it 6 892

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

By smashed - 24/09/2012 14:33 - United States

Today, I bought my nephew some giant green Incredible Hulk fists for his birthday. He thanked me by Hulk-smashing me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 026

You deserved it 6 406

By anonymous - 28/07/2011 05:39 - United States

Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 451

You deserved it 16 970

Nice of her

By Bill - 06/12/2009 20:28 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year-old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 972

You deserved it 18 131

Bewitched

By Frozen Delight - 24/02/2019 22:00 - United States - New York

Today, my husband and our 4-year-old daughter were watching My Little Pony. When her favorite character angrily screamed, "You're going to love me!", she looked at him with a perplexed look. My husband then responded, "And THAT'S how I met your mommy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 195

You deserved it 442

Whack-a-Mole

By Anonymous - 28/09/2019 02:01

Today, I had to pick my daughter up from pre-school because she repeatedly hit another kid with a stick. Apparently, my parents have been letting her watch violent action movies again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 530

You deserved it 299

By JackieD - 25/08/2014 18:05 - United States - Bellevue

Today, I was watching the movie Frozen with my 8 year old daughter. I had seen it before, so I sung along with some of the songs. My daughter put a finger over my lips, said "Shhhhhhhhut the fuck up," then turned back to the TV, giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 109

You deserved it 16 242

Truthbomb

By antwhite1987 - 08/05/2016 17:30 - United States - Chicago

Today, my 5 year-old daughter saw me getting ready to sit down in a fold-out camp chair, and told me, with a big smile on her face, "Daddy, you're too fat to sit in that chair. You'll break it with your big butt." Out of the mouths of babes, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 404

You deserved it 1 442

Fight Club Penguin

By mama bear - 05/06/2020 20:00

Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 064

You deserved it 227

By lon01t - 07/05/2012 20:43 - United Kingdom - Falkirk

Today, my four-year-old daughter started screaming and lashing out at me as I was getting her ready for a bath. It seems my idiot husband told her she was still small enough to be feasted on by the "drain monster". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 318

You deserved it 2 651

By parentof5 - 23/04/2011 15:20 - United States

Today, my 4 year old daughter walked in while I was changing my shirt. She said "When I get older I am going to have big boobies just like you." I'm her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 657

You deserved it 24 798

AFCCT 7

Thursday 30 January 2014 18:58

Badass daughter if I say so myself

Welshite 39

Thursday 30 January 2014 18:59

She has the makings of a superhero. You should be proud.

Comments

skyeyez9 24

Friday 31 January 2014 4:03

An ice pack and some pain medicine should help I hope.

loidnerdy101 10

Friday 31 January 2014 4:14

You're raising an awesome child.

Travesty42 14

Friday 31 January 2014 4:21

Okay, so no *future* kids, but, on the bright side, you're raising one helluva girl right there!

MissHannaBanana 6

Friday 31 January 2014 5:01

I'm sorry, but your daughter is amazing.

chidexy 21

Friday 31 January 2014 7:40

Well that's cute

Thunderlaxus 10

Friday 31 January 2014 8:07

and the hulk often performs a barrage, so you should be happy. The hulk was not maaaadd

jellybeens_fml 16

Friday 31 January 2014 8:21

She doesn't want you to have anymore kids

jjmiller1001 17

Friday 31 January 2014 10:43

always protect your junk when little kids are around.

mylast 6

Friday 31 January 2014 20:29

lol this fml made my day, sounds like she is adorable. Sucks for you though

sorrystupidpeopl 1

Friday 31 January 2014 22:44

My five year old son "hulk smashes" me all of the time. I think it's cute (does hurt the boobs sometimes though lol).

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Today, I spent hours debating with a lady who claimed she'd spent years "studying the big bang theory." Not only did she not know the scientific meaning of the word "theory", her killer argument was "If the big bang happened, where are the fossils?" I'm not sure whether or not I just got trolled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 771

You deserved it 5 225

Today, my brother stole my hard drive and wiped it. My hard drive had a 10-page school project on it. The project is due tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 397

You deserved it 261

Today, I started my first day of work at my new job. They had a section in the parking lot for employees only, so I parked there. Apparently, my boss didn't recognize my car, and had it towed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 671

You deserved it 3 113

Today, I overheard my parents discussing their divorce. Apparently, what they mostly disagree over is that neither of them want custody of me and are considering delaying their divorce until I’m 18, because at least then legally I’m not either of their problem to deal with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 395

You deserved it 173

Today, my boyfriend made me feel like shit because I didn’t feel like going fishing, and compared me to his "fake" friends, even though every day for the past two months, I’ve gone every time he’s asked. But anytime I suggest we do something different, he shuts it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 047

You deserved it 167

Today, my girlfriend said "It's funny how every time we have sex I'm wearing these panties." We've been having sex every day for the last six days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 376

You deserved it 7 116