Sex and Intimacy: Today, I turned 35. I was given my first-ever orgasm by the best...

By Anonymous - 30/04/2009 02:03 - United States

Today, I turned 35. I was given my first-ever orgasm by the best lover I've ever had: a massaging shower head from Wal-Mart. That I bought for myself. It was the only gift I received. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110 253

You deserved it 17 616

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Same thing different taste

By TeeJay - 01/06/2009 14:06 - United States

Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 509

You deserved it 7 494

Frustrated girl

By Anonymous - 30/06/2025 22:00 - United Arab Emirates - Al Ain City

Today, as a 26 year-old woman, I had my first orgasm. I gave it to myself. None of my long-term relationships even came close. For almost 26 years I thought I would never have one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 162

By Anonymous - 30/04/2014 21:51 - United States

Today, the only thing I got for my birthday was my boyfriend's offer to give me "the gift of anal". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 670

You deserved it 5 535

Thanks, I guess…

By Anonymous - 21/09/2013 18:10 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 163

You deserved it 4 179

By Anonymous - 12/12/2010 02:20 - United States

Today, I got married. Tonight, I received the best orgasm of my life. Not from my husband; from the jacuzzi tub in our honeymoon suite, where he was passed out drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 525

You deserved it 5 064

By Chakkamofo - 01/02/2009 22:47 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My wife gave me a card that read, "You made it to 36!" It's my 35th birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 025

You deserved it 2 464

Like a virgin

By Anonymous - 07/08/2020 17:01

Today, at 26, I bought my first vibrator. I've never really masturbated before, because I've always been with a guy. I used it for the first time, and orgasmed in under 3 minutes. I guess this whole time the guys I've been with hadn’t in fact made me cum as much as I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 794

You deserved it 509

Gratitude

By Anonymous - 23/08/2021 19:01 - United States - Chicago

Today, it's my 35th birthday. My wife greeted me naked, and with an itemized list of what's off limits. A list of what was on the menu would've been much shorter and might have had better spelling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 090

You deserved it 209

By soapysoap - 10/12/2009 08:04 - United States

Today, I received an early Christmas gift from my boyfriend of ten months. It was soap. In a few days he will be receiving his very expensive specialized car horn he has wanted for years, while I will be enjoying my new bar of Walmart brand soap, which has already begun to give me a rash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 906

You deserved it 4 944

By reallyman__639 - 13/12/2011 12:26 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near the end, he pulled out a long, rectangular box. Thinking it was a necklace, I got very excited. It was a wand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 575

You deserved it 17 516

kate08_fml 0

Thursday 30 April 2009 16:14

that is a serious FML comment right there. F your life ... seriously

silkee_shiny 0

Thursday 30 April 2009 16:19

Happy Birthday hun :)

Comments

Mnemo_fml 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 8:12

aww :( 35 yr old virgin or just really unsatisfactory guys?

mistermojo 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 15:51

This site is full of so much BS

kenn999 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 22:38

WOW, you really need to find someone that pays attention to the details...

AnaMaree 0

Monday 4 May 2009 0:53

I gotta get me one of those!

xLovey 3

Monday 4 May 2009 7:26

Sigh, one of the many, many reasons why I hate being a woman, I'm so sorry. Happy birthday..

RunZoneFive 0

Monday 4 May 2009 8:02

On the plus side your first-ever ****** is a pretty damn good present

herekitty 0

Monday 4 May 2009 11:33

I'm 21 and still have not had an ******. At least i am not the only one. But i hope i don't have to wait until i am 35 :(, anyway better late then never! Congratulations!

stfuman 0

Monday 4 May 2009 13:03

oh wow =/ I had my first ****** when I was 12. DDD:

fmlmuch_ 0

Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:09

thats hot ! make me a video. but that is an fml

roflcopterzzz 0

Tuesday 5 May 2009 6:17

123, you're an idiot. Women reach their sexual PEAK when they're 30, not climax, fucktard. They're two completely different things. Can the people on this site be any dumber?