Health: Today, I snuck downstairs to watch a midnight movie. One moment...

By Anonymous - 26/04/2015 10:05 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, I snuck downstairs to watch a midnight movie. One moment I'm trying to plug my headphones in, in the dark, and the next my dad's beating the shit out of me with a baseball bat. Turns out he snuck down after me for a midnight snack and thought I was a burglar disconnecting the TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 198

You deserved it 5 307

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Spooky

By Lopez85 - 22/05/2024 22:00 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I got up at 2 AM to grab a snack. I quietly crept down the stairs, only to find my dad, mom, and a couple of their friends having a secret poker game. Now they think I have a sleepwalking problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 127

Kill it with fire

By Anonymous - 31/05/2022 06:00 - Germany - Moormerland

Today, my dad reactivated a digital clock we had lying around, and accidentally set an alarm on it. For 1 a.m.. So guess who went hunting for that noise in the middle of night. And guess who banished the thing to the living room, then forgot about it, and slept on the sofa in said living room. Or tried to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 226

Occam's razor

By anonymous - 12/02/2011 05:48 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 837

You deserved it 4 725

By gengiskarn69 - 12/03/2012 14:55 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 980

You deserved it 38 695

By Zack - 01/04/2012 21:36 - United States - Duncannon

Today, I woke up to shuffling noises coming from downstairs. Suspecting the worst, I jumped out of bed, and whispered over my shoulder for my girlfriend to stay quiet. Only after going downstairs and taking a swing in the dark with my bat did I figure out it was just my girlfriend foraging for snacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 756

You deserved it 26 538

What ARE you doing?

By mountains - 19/11/2012 00:47 - United States - Pembroke

Today, I awoke in the midst of the night to find my half-naked dad drunkenly arguing with the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 045

You deserved it 1 833

By Ohfman117 - 11/08/2009 20:30 - United States

Today, I was sneaking over to my girlfriend's house. I sent her mother a text message thinking it was my girlfriend saying "There's a stalker coming in to make you his play mate ;]" Unfortunately when I got to her window I was greeted by her dad with a bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 963

You deserved it 71 829

Movie night

By insomniac x2 - 15/08/2013 19:56 - Mexico - Garza Garc

Today, I was watching The Ring on TV in the early morning. When the scene where the girl is crawling out of the TV came on, my dad grabbed my shoulders from behind me out of nowhere, causing me to shriek like a little bitch. I don't know how long he waited to do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 752

You deserved it 8 484

Badass

By Jim - 28/10/2025 22:00

Today, I saw a gun on my dad's bedside table. I knew it wasn't real, so I picked it up and posed like a badass. Then I shot a hole in their bedroom TV, blew out my eardrums, and my mom flew in and started screaming at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 1 084

Sneaky

By TasedAndDazed - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 626

You deserved it 43 692

MrsHaxxo 22

Monday 27 April 2015 0:25

At least he is trying to protect his family.

Hoopachi 19

Monday 27 April 2015 0:25

Holy crap? What happened afterwards?? Hope you're okay OP!

Comments

outfielder55 17

Monday 27 April 2015 19:36

I'm scared this will happen to me one night getting a snack. Mostly because both my parents have guns in their nightstands.

soccerbeast24680 8

Monday 27 April 2015 21:12

U deserved it

TallMist 32

Monday 27 April 2015 22:12

Yeah, he broke the rules by sneaking around the house when he was clearly not allowed to, but he doesn't deserve having his shit beaten out of him by a damn baseball bat! And even then, that's implying he's not allowed to be wandering the house at night, instead of just trying to be considerate.

limabeans101029 20

Monday 27 April 2015 23:39

Plus he might not have even been breaking the rules. Maybe he just "snuck" so that he didn't wake anyone up.

savemeSheehan 8

Monday 27 April 2015 21:38

well at least you know your dads willing to protect you by beating stranger with a bat

neppy 6

Tuesday 28 April 2015 0:39

At first I was like "man, you have a really strict dad" but if he thought you were a burglar... well, hopefully you weren't hurt too badly!

tehstarchild 16

Tuesday 28 April 2015 4:58

Well that will buy you some guilt points: Dad: you came home at 3am last morning and woke me up OP: remember that time you beat me with a baseball bat