Health: Today, I snuck downstairs to watch a midnight movie. One moment...

By Anonymous - 26/04/2015 10:05 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, I snuck downstairs to watch a midnight movie. One moment I'm trying to plug my headphones in, in the dark, and the next my dad's beating the shit out of me with a baseball bat. Turns out he snuck down after me for a midnight snack and thought I was a burglar disconnecting the TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 198

You deserved it 5 307

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Spooky

By Lopez85 - 22/05/2024 22:00 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I got up at 2 AM to grab a snack. I quietly crept down the stairs, only to find my dad, mom, and a couple of their friends having a secret poker game. Now they think I have a sleepwalking problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 127

Kill it with fire

By Anonymous - 31/05/2022 06:00 - Germany - Moormerland

Today, my dad reactivated a digital clock we had lying around, and accidentally set an alarm on it. For 1 a.m.. So guess who went hunting for that noise in the middle of night. And guess who banished the thing to the living room, then forgot about it, and slept on the sofa in said living room. Or tried to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 226

Occam's razor

By anonymous - 12/02/2011 05:48 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 837

You deserved it 4 725

By gengiskarn69 - 12/03/2012 14:55 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 980

You deserved it 38 695

By Zack - 01/04/2012 21:36 - United States - Duncannon

Today, I woke up to shuffling noises coming from downstairs. Suspecting the worst, I jumped out of bed, and whispered over my shoulder for my girlfriend to stay quiet. Only after going downstairs and taking a swing in the dark with my bat did I figure out it was just my girlfriend foraging for snacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 756

You deserved it 26 538

What ARE you doing?

By mountains - 19/11/2012 00:47 - United States - Pembroke

Today, I awoke in the midst of the night to find my half-naked dad drunkenly arguing with the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 045

You deserved it 1 833

By Ohfman117 - 11/08/2009 20:30 - United States

Today, I was sneaking over to my girlfriend's house. I sent her mother a text message thinking it was my girlfriend saying "There's a stalker coming in to make you his play mate ;]" Unfortunately when I got to her window I was greeted by her dad with a bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 963

You deserved it 71 829

Movie night

By insomniac x2 - 15/08/2013 19:56 - Mexico - Garza Garc

Today, I was watching The Ring on TV in the early morning. When the scene where the girl is crawling out of the TV came on, my dad grabbed my shoulders from behind me out of nowhere, causing me to shriek like a little bitch. I don't know how long he waited to do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 752

You deserved it 8 484

Badass

By Jim - 28/10/2025 22:00

Today, I saw a gun on my dad's bedside table. I knew it wasn't real, so I picked it up and posed like a badass. Then I shot a hole in their bedroom TV, blew out my eardrums, and my mom flew in and started screaming at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 1 084

Sneaky

By TasedAndDazed - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 626

You deserved it 43 692

MrsHaxxo 22

Monday 27 April 2015 0:25

At least he is trying to protect his family.

Hoopachi 19

Monday 27 April 2015 0:25

Holy crap? What happened afterwards?? Hope you're okay OP!

Comments

Sazzles 17

Monday 27 April 2015 0:27

Oh God OP. I hope it didn't take him long to realise it was you.

CARCA55 12

Monday 27 April 2015 0:30

I'm sure he realized his mistake right away, did he stop as soon as he did though? That is the real question

nonsensical 26

Monday 27 April 2015 0:28

You and your father are both very sneaky it seems... And it looks like he went bat-shit crazy on your ass! I'll show myself out.

Isandri 29

Monday 27 April 2015 8:39

apparently sneaking just runs in the family. I'm just wondering what was OP waering that his Dad reacted like that :D

Cassandra2015 21

Monday 27 April 2015 0:34

Midnight movies and snacks seem pretty popular in your home

dakatabg 31

Monday 27 April 2015 0:42

Wrong place at the wrong time

Mobetta_2300 22

Monday 27 April 2015 0:43

Shout out to your dad for protecting your family, and not being a little bitch

randomheartthrob 7

Monday 27 April 2015 0:48

Can't blame him for protecting his family or his purchases.

Jennandco 25

Monday 27 April 2015 1:13

Oh shit, how broken are you?

Destinee_1 13

Monday 27 April 2015 1:19

There seems to be a lot of sneaking going on.

RAH94 17

Monday 27 April 2015 1:38

It could have been worse, you could have really been burgled...

limegreenpoopie 31

Monday 27 April 2015 2:30

Ouch :/

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I received my new car-seat covers. I wrote my car off yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 343

You deserved it 18 706

Today, the girl that I have been trying to get with for over a year told me she was drunk and just gave her first blowjob to some guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 656

You deserved it 4 813

Today, I read that using vegetable oil would give your legs a smooth feel, especially if you haven't shaved for weeks. So I tried it out. My legs felt slimy, the oil clogged up the blades, and I was reduced to shaving my legs with a naked razor head and soapy water. Endlessly smooth indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 010

You deserved it 27 778

Today, I was riding in the car with my new boyfriend. He had "something serious" to tell me. He started to emotionally confess his addiction to masturbation. In detail. The drive was two hours long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 336

You deserved it 7 654

Today, I was at a grocery store buying ice cream after the tragedy of losing my grandma. When I got to the cash register, the cashier saw the sadness in my eyes and said, "It's OK, you'll find the one someday, one that can look at your inner beauty and not care about the rest." He thought I'd got broken up with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 176

Today, I finally finished my art project, which was worth 50% of my quarterly grade. I came in first period to give it to my professor. When she turned to look at it, her elbow hit her coffee and spilled it all over the canvas. I got 60%. She said I would have had a 100%, except for the giant coffee stain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 667

You deserved it 3 499