Work: The Pitt

The Pitt

By Anonymous - 18/06/2014 19:06 - United States - Lake Wales

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 533

You deserved it 5 045

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Many such cases

By Idiot says "HIPAA violation" - 27/06/2015 01:21 - United States - Roanoke

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 421

You deserved it 2 577

By Anonymous - 08/09/2013 16:38 - Switzerland - Bern

Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 027

You deserved it 3 598

Keep some things to yourself

By Beer - 28/06/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I picked out a massive two-inch long ingrown hair on my chin. I called my girlfriend in to take a look. She saw it, shrieked, then fainted, cracking her head on the toilet as she fell. Hello, hospital bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 382

Healthy lifestyle tips

By middleagednurse - 04/10/2017 23:37

Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 588

You deserved it 4 148

Bag for life

By Anonymous - 25/02/2021 04:57 - United States

Today, my ambulance got called out for a "stomach pain" patient. Upon assessment, the guy really did have stomach pain. His colostomy bag fell off a week ago, so to stop the crap from falling out, he duct taped it shut. It exploded when I helped him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 394

You deserved it 77

By Shock - 21/03/2016 20:12 - United States - Littleton

Today, while working for a hospital security company, I had to assist in restraining a male patient while the nurses put a catheter in him. All I will say is that it looked like a worm trying to swallow a straw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 181

You deserved it 1 643

By howaboutthemcarrots - 14/04/2015 15:08 - Finland - Laajalahti

Today, I decided to be healthy and make a fresh juice out of carrots and apples. Apparently, something had gone bad and now my asshole feels like a bomb just went off inside it. Good start to a healthy lifestyle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 369

You deserved it 4 203

By Anonymous - 15/02/2013 23:22 - Venezuela - Barquisimeto

Today, I had to take my fiancé to the hospital so they could remove a tampon applicator that he claimed he somehow "fell onto". It was lodged up his nostril. I'm marrying this man in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 146

You deserved it 5 143

Bad mix

By Anonymous - 14/09/2025 12:00

Today, I ate a dragon fruit and drank some aloe. I was at work and had to stop what I was doing and run to the bathroom so I didn’t poop my pants. After I was done, I saw splatters of shit on the floor. Confused, I looked at the toilet. To my surprise, I found out I projectile diarrhea-ed all over my work toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 326

Nice.

By poururheartout - 27/07/2018 20:30

Today, I went to the ER as I have an ulcer and I was exhibiting signs of a perforation. This is when the gorgeous doctor told me he had to stick his finger up my butt to check for rectal bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 289

You deserved it 405

Welshite 39

Thursday 19 June 2014 0:48

That's not how one is supposed to get fiber...

Saone_fml 27

Thursday 19 June 2014 0:49

Oh I'd heard a similar one. "I was outside gardening, I slipped and my trousers fell down, and I fell on the carrot and you know the rest... I don't know what prankster decided to put condoms on my carrots though."

Comments

pangalactic 2

Thursday 19 June 2014 9:58

Look on the bright side - you now have a healthy snack all ready for your break.

sirdano 3

Thursday 19 June 2014 10:57

he was just feeding the hamster stuck up there

PotatoPal 11

Thursday 19 June 2014 11:36

Sir, carrots are supposed go in the OTHER hole.

ShittingHicks 4

Thursday 19 June 2014 12:00

Yah the urethra.

FalconWhitaker 20

Thursday 19 June 2014 11:41

I don't understand why people try to explain away things like this. The people at the hospital already know it's a sexual thing. Why even bother lying? Why not just admit "Yup, couldn't afford a ***** and it went spectacularly wrong"?

XxKatiie 7

Thursday 19 June 2014 12:43

Thanks OP for stealing my FML from the moderating process, great to know there's a lot of assholes on here. This incident happened in a hospital in SA, Australia. I'm a female nurse, not an anon man from Florida.

Dopeshit_fml 4

Thursday 19 June 2014 13:12

LMFAO

zombraingirl 11

Thursday 19 June 2014 13:16

I believe him. It's happened to me before.

mattbaker 17

Thursday 19 June 2014 13:44

did he come nude to hospital?

XxKatiie 7

Thursday 19 June 2014 15:05

I can answer this because unlike OP this is actually my FML, he didn't come to the emergency ward nude, he managed to dress himself but had great difficulty sitting down.