Kids, Health, Birthday Cute Thanks, but no thanks

Thanks, but no thanks

hoping to live to see next year - 29/07/2018 15:00

Today, my son surprised me by waking me up to be first to greet me a happy birthday. He was with his marching band buddies in full battle gear, playing the chorus of Stars and Stripes Forever. In my bedroom. At 5 a.m. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

It's still a bop! It slaps!

Please find a new song - 20/11/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, I was once again woken up to my dad blasting The Beatles' song "Birthday." He does this whenever it's anyone's birthday (in this case, my mom's) and he knows a lot of people. It was funny at first, but now it's getting old very quickly. FML

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Thomas - 13/12/2009 06:46 - Canada

Today, I woke up to find my parents singing "Happy birthday" with lots of hugs and kisses. My birthday is next week. FML

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todaddy - 23/05/2014 19:32 - United Kingdom

Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML

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Devotedmom - 10/01/2016 09:07 - Belgium - Li?ge

Today, I got up at 5 am to bake a surprise birthday cake for my 16-year-old son. I put the cake on the table and went to call my son. "Surprise!" When I came back 30 seconds later, the cake was all gone and the dog was licking his lips. My son won't even believe I made a cake. FML

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SleepyMommy - 08/05/2016 17:05 - United States - Pomona

Today, my husband was going to let me sleep in for Mother's Day. That would have been great, if my brother didn't call me at 5:30 in the morning to say Happy Mother's Day. Now I'm up like any other day. FML

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Party!

kelkline - 31/08/2009 16:45 - United States

Today, my friend got a babysitter for the kids and told me she was taking me to a party. My son told me his band was playing at a party. I will be 40 tomorrow, so I thought this would be the best surprise birthday party ever. It WAS a surprise birthday party – for a friend of ours. FML

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Happy birthday to me

lukey101 - 20/07/2023 02:00 - Australia

Today, it’s my birthday. My boss treated me to a day off work, except my mother called at 12:01am drunk as hell screaming, “Happy birthday” down the phone. When I finally fell back asleep, I awoke to my boss asking me to come in after all. FML

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Friends

Anonymous - 17/02/2010 07:39 - United States

Today, it's my 18th birthday. Last month was my best friend's 18th birthday. She spent the night with me, and the next morning, my mom and brother gathered in my room and sang "Happy Birthday" as they handed her pancakes with a candle on top. Today, I was woken up by screams to take the trash out. FML

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ad4 - 31/01/2011 23:11 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my family surrounding me with breakfast in bed and "Sweet 16" balloons. My birthday is in 3 months, and I'll be 17. FML

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ohfantastic - 25/01/2009 02:47 - United States

Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML

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Ryan Wise 7

Sunday 29 July 2018 15:02

That sounds awesome, not awful!

Sertorius 10

Saturday 14 July 2018 14:03

Best. Birthday. Ever.

dexter420 21

Sunday 29 July 2018 23:25

That’s what you get for complaining about Mother’s Day. Nothing ever good enough

ChromoTec 24

Monday 30 July 2018 16:26

Q: Why is a bassoon better than an oboe? A: The bassoon burns longer. Maybe you should test this out in real life.

Davros 12

Wednesday 1 August 2018 1:13

Vive La Bam!

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Love Coworkers Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Jealousy Underwear Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I'd stayed up all night to finish a detailed report. By the time I'd printed it I was late for work so I jumped in my car. Driving down the street, I saw my papers fly off the roof of my car. It was raining out. FML

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Today, I tried to face my fears and take the elevator at the hotel I'm staying at. When the door opened, I was greeted with a taser pointed at me and, "Are you sure you want to get on this elevator?" Guess it's the stairs for me. FML

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Today, I've been awake since 3 a.m. Why? A bat flew into the house and made its way to my bedroom. We haven't been able to find it. FML

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Today, I took a pregnancy test. I was disappointed it was negative, as my fiancé and I have been together for four years and have a strong relationship. He danced with happiness when he discovered the test was negative and tried to high-five me. FML

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Today, I felt sorry for the weird chick at work that everybody avoids and decided to initiate a conversation with her. She interrupted me mid-sentence to tell me about her vaginal odor problems, before shoving her hand into my chip packet and inviting herself to dinner at my house. FML

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Today, I took a piece of toilet paper to blow my nose and had a surprise: someone in our house seems to not have understood how TP works. In this case, the principle that it shouldn't stay on the roll once there is poo on it. FML

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