Health, Insects, Summer and Miscellaneous: Sexy time - FML

Sexy time

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Spicy

Today, I woke up to my balls being sucked on. Unfortunately, it was by a mosquito. I hate the summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 190

You deserved it 1 774

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

You've got a friend

By no one - 21/05/2011 09:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 650

You deserved it 11 416

Hey Scratchy!

By Anonymous - 03/09/2019 18:00

Today, I got a mosquito bite under each armpit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 525

You deserved it 181

Stiff

By Anonymous - 20/08/2020 05:02

Spicy

Today, I had the house to myself so I lay on my bed with a porno for some me time. I was just about to begin when I felt a sting. A mosquito bit me right on the shaft. I’m allergic to mosquitos, so now I’m sweating, covered in hives and my knob is swollen in a very bad, not fun way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 254

You deserved it 482

LEAVE ME ALONE

By sleepless - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, it's the third day that I can't sleep. Somewhere in my room, there's a mosquito craving for my blood, and every time I'm about to fall asleep, I can hear it flying around. I'm covered in bites, even in places that barely see the daylight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 132

You deserved it 259

By swervelol - 20/08/2017 23:15

Today, the mosquito infestation is so bad that multiple mosquitoes sucked the blood out of the steak I was grilling and promptly died on top of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 446

You deserved it 360

By whoslade - 28/06/2012 17:36 - United States

Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 932

You deserved it 4 592

The climate is whack

By fax4voice3 - 03/03/2021 11:01 - United States - Greenwich

Today, it was an unusually warm day after many weeks of typical subfreezing temperatures, so my family and I went for a walk in the park. We all came back with mosquito bites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 228

By Anonymous - 15/09/2012 11:36 - United States - Hockessin

Today, I got a mosquito bite inside my cast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 535

You deserved it 2 379

By Anonymous - 27/07/2014 18:44 - Germany - Oberursel

Today, I woke up to a huge, disgusting bug next to my bed. As I tried to squish it, it suddenly flew off at high speed. Now I'm lying in bed, awake and terrified because I can hear it buzzing around but can't see it anywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 728

You deserved it 5 394

By julian1 - 19/08/2015 11:34 - United States - Orlando

Today, I decided to sunbathe in my backyard in an attempt to be healthy. The result? Insect bites over my body. Somehow, despite being fully clothed the entire time, my scrotum also received several bites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 074

You deserved it 10 571

Next

Top comments

Tripartita 44

Saturday 30 July 2016 8:35

This sounds like the worst superhero origin story. Like, you could be Spider-Man's terrible sidekick, Mosquito-Balls. Your catchphrase would be "My balls itch, so trouble must be a-buzzing!"

nrg2395 5

Saturday 30 July 2016 8:13

at least you got the succ

Comments

TheHcwalker 20

Sunday 31 July 2016 3:05

If you flex hard enough mosquitos pop

Cynakill 11

Monday 8 August 2016 15:44

How does one flex their testicles?

udaykataria 18

Sunday 31 July 2016 5:16

Then don't sleep naked.

termitanor 3

Sunday 31 July 2016 11:25

well im sure that in public youre gonna have pain

Grisha_fml 18

Monday 1 August 2016 3:35

still counts!

hshaneberger 14

Monday 1 August 2016 5:50

YDI wear some damn clothes to bed and that wouldn't be a problem

DepressedKaylie 1

Monday 1 August 2016 21:09

That really sucks omg (no pun intended)

EpicLeeGames 12

Saturday 6 August 2016 17:49

wtf I posted the exact same thing and it got rejected.

BlueJuly 3

Thursday 9 February 2017 14:27

Hey, that mosquito was probably doing his best! No need to insult him for his sexual inexperience!

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, my ex-boyfriend from two years ago called and asked to come over. Still being in love with him, I agreed to see him but decided I wasn't drunk enough to handle the stress. After a while of drinking, he said that he really missed me and wanted to be with me. My reply consisted of throwing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 703

You deserved it 31 859

Today, I was watching my 2-year-old sister in the bathtub. As she was splashing, she stopped, and pointed at the "owie" on my head. I told her it was okay, and that it was just a pimple. She said, "Wow, you have a lot of pimples!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 185

You deserved it 377

Today, we were at a wedding reception. I had to explain to my husband why it’s inappropriate for another woman to dance with her butt gyrating on his crotch. He insists it was “harmless dancing” and to stop being a “party pooper.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 994

You deserved it 207

Today, I was standing in a queue when an old lady turned, looked straight at me, and asked me to hold her bag. Confused, I took a hold of it. She started screaming for help claiming I was stealing her shopping. Turns out, she was talking to her husband behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 968

You deserved it 3 460

Today, my boyfriend and I were discussing sports injuries, and I mentioned that I pulled a muscle in my crotch last year. He snorted and called me a clueless idiot because according to him, "girls don't have crotches". He's a med student. I sense malpractice lawsuits in our future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 362

You deserved it 4 028

Today, I and a coworker got bitched out and suspended by our boss after our computers got infected with a weird porn virus. It soon turned out the virus had come from our boss' infected memory stick. Did he apologize? No. Is our suspension still in force? Yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 658

You deserved it 2 984