Intimacy: Scarred for life

Scarred for life

By Aly - 09/12/2011 15:40 - United States

Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 197

You deserved it 5 870

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Same thing different taste

By more than I wanted to know - 13/05/2013 19:10 - Italy - San Giustino

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 224

You deserved it 5 880

By Anonymous - 16/01/2010 00:57 - Australia

Today, my father decided to tell me in detail when and how he lost his virginity. He even told me what position it was and who this girl was. I will never look at him in the same way again. He also made his hands "have sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 962

You deserved it 2 647

Don't wanna know

By Anonymous - 16/02/2011 05:50

Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 240

You deserved it 4 191

By CallaC - 15/03/2012 02:01 - Canada

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 533

You deserved it 2 905

By tobuscus9412 - 22/03/2015 01:04 - Australia - Woronora

Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 168

You deserved it 3 343

By Anonymous - 26/06/2015 17:42 - Zambia

Today, my dad drunkenly confessed that the reason he never gave me the sex talk was because he figured that I'm too weird-looking and socially awkward to ever get laid. He's right, all too right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 218

You deserved it 2 398

At least it wasn't rotting coconut?

By Getmeoutofhere - 10/08/2017 17:15 - Australia

Today, I was masturbating when my dad came into my room to say goodnight. He leaned down over my bed, paused, and said, "What's that smell? It's like... oh." His face dropped and he left the room. I don't think he'll ever see me the same way again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 579

You deserved it 1 163

By confused_girl - 01/08/2013 05:10 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 416

You deserved it 5 046

By Anonymous - 16/07/2012 00:12 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my dad sat me down for a talk. After the talk, he wasn't my dad anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 001

You deserved it 2 251

Prepper

By suze44 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my father decided to "prepare" me for the real world by telling me that I'm ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 263

You deserved it 5 371

WCARlover 34

Friday 9 December 2011 18:47

I'll keep that in mind for when I have kids lol

kikiwi_fml 9

Friday 9 December 2011 18:47

Looks like your dad has it figured out.

Comments

jello4672 1

Monday 25 June 2012 1:25

I think that was the point

top_dawg45 10

Thursday 2 August 2012 9:52

thanks for giving me an idea for when my daughter gets older!!

beautifullybold 2

Wednesday 2 January 2013 21:46

LOL that's awful!

rachilio 26

Wednesday 6 February 2013 23:59

LOL that would be the idea

klovemachine 24

Tuesday 30 April 2013 18:34

Doesn't matter, wants sex ;)

nandybear 19

Tuesday 19 November 2013 6:03

Mission accomplished

magnetic_aura 26

Tuesday 9 September 2014 9:09

Your dad is AWESOME!

hovve 9

Wednesday 3 June 2015 0:23

and that, ladies and gentlemen, is the sex-talk!

ahbearcat 4

Saturday 16 July 2016 1:09

No he didn't

alittlegay 6

Friday 12 August 2016 0:06

Tf when I'd been given the sex talk I was 9yo and the most technological thing I got was a tamagotchi

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Keywords

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I agree, your life sucks 18 242

You deserved it 56 185