Today, I brought my date home to meet my parents. We walked in the front door to find my drunken father wearing nothing but a Viking helmet, while swinging and jabbing our living room furniture with a pool noodle. FML
Today, I told my mom I was finally going on a diet. She let me know how proud she is of me fighting temptation, by making my favorite cookies and dinner. FML
Today, during our wedding, my wife tried to dodge The Kiss. FML
Today, I was talking to my girlfriend over Skype. I said I loved her and hoped we would be together forever. She responded by singing Who Wants to Live Forever into her mic. FML
Today, I was messing with an AI art generator. As luck would have it, it generated a nasty NSFW image just as my mom happened to walk by, despite my prompt being 100% innocent. It was also just after I got a nice, wholesome result, so I was smiling at the screen. FML
Today, the police finally recovered my stolen car. All it took was a shootout and two people dying. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed. He gave me a really unique ring that I absolutely loved… at first. When I showed it off to my friends, one of them laughed so hard that she started crying, and said it looks just like a vagina. She's right, and now I can't unsee it. FML
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure he was using the pool noodle to attack the furniture.
Viking helmets and pool noodles? I'm gonna have to remember that next time I get drunk it sounds like fun