Sex, Creepy, Wanker, Spiders and Intimacy: Love is love

Love is love

By SpiderMan - 12/03/2009 00:23 - United States

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 486

You deserved it 106 847

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Same thing different taste

Troubling

By Anonymous - 15/12/2010 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the ceiling. It wasn't until the point of climax that I realised that I was, in effect, masturbating over a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 492

You deserved it 23 302

Hey there little buddy

By Anonymous - 07/02/2023 01:00 - Finland

Today, I was in my bed masturbating when I felt something on my chest. I looked down to see a spider running around. I'm super scared of spiders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 247

By yuckspider - 20/04/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 348

You deserved it 7 657

By Anonymous - 05/09/2015 02:22 - United States - Purchase

Today, I was having a relaxing "wank", as they might say on Doctor Who, when a large spider descended from its web and came practically eye-to-eye with me. I screamed like a bitch and fell off my bed, pants around my ankles. Then my sister ran in to see what was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 618

You deserved it 9 177

By jrocks - 19/05/2009 17:06 - United States

Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 884

You deserved it 70 641

By dickwebs - 22/11/2010 03:42 - Germany

Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 987

You deserved it 5 241

By jillydark6609 - 19/09/2010 06:21 - United States

Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 299

You deserved it 14 272

By thatsnotacat - 21/11/2013 17:52 - Australia - West End

Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 544

You deserved it 3 362

By Arachnaphobic - 22/11/2009 08:35 - United States

Today, when putting something away on a high shelf, something small and black fell down my cleavage. I thought nothing of it and finished the task at hand. When I pulled out the neck of my shirt later to find it and looked down, glaring up at me from my boobs was a large, disgruntled spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 285

You deserved it 4 810

Been here long?

By Anonymous - 14/10/2022 14:00

Today, while I was working from home on my laptop and had my feet up on the coffee table, I felt something on my foot. I looked down to see a spider the size of a quarter on top of my bare foot. It started doing something so I froze, hoping it wouldn't bite me. Instead, it anchored the start of its web to my skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 170

btopishere 1

Thursday 12 March 2009 9:11

That's how Peter Parker was created.

Crudez0rz 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 9:08

Who the **** masturbates into a sock?!?! hahaha

Comments

MusicalXLies 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 20:44

Oh my god! How horrifying for you! *shudder* But why a sock?

geebee93 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 1:28

...hahhahaha loooooser

eLsiipOte08 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 5:06

dude im an arracnaphobic i woulda passed out

devianceguru 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 12:25

Best FML ever! I laughed, I cried... BTW, hope u didnt catch any new spidy-STDs, that would suck!

BakerMan_fml 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 12:49

That was pretty funny, but I would be just as freaked out lol

nakoami 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 22:09

Omg. that just made my day.

qwertyjon 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 22:24

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO #19 the last one AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH and i feel sry for you dude, but that is kinda weird, i understand finishing into a sock, but not useing one the whole time

azn_m16 0

Friday 20 March 2009 0:35

Hahah, my favorite FML!

ChuckIII 1

Friday 20 March 2009 22:24

Funniest FML i have read yet. There are tears running down my cheeks. That includes the comments, too. For example, as #19 points out, this wasn't exactly a walk in the park for the spider either. LMFAO

NuocMam 0

Friday 20 March 2009 23:21

I understand wanting to ********** into an old sock 'cause it absorbs, right?.....but maybe look inside first next time? You always gotta be careful when it cums to sx and anything related. Lol Srry for you and the spider though... :l