Joe Bidet By userrrrr - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States Today, I found out that my girlfriend's idea of "washing her feet" is sticking her foot in the toilet and flushing. FML I agree, your life sucks 49 452 You deserved it 3 839 Share Tweet Share
Today, I felt an itch on my neck. naturally, I scratched it. After about 5 minutes of scratching, I realized that I've been scratching a dead fly on the back of my neck. FML I agree, your life sucks 10 324 You deserved it 1 243
Today, while working at the bar, I accidentally spilled a beer on my chest. Several drunk men whistled and seemed to enjoy what they saw so much that they bought even more drinks and started coming onto me. My boss asked if I could do it again on my next shift. FML I agree, your life sucks 27 846 You deserved it 2 788
Today, I got an X-ray and the nurse happened to mention the old break in my leg. Mom always said it was my twin brother who'd broken his leg. Can you see where this is going? I have now confirmed that at some point mom mixed me and my brother up, so we’ve being using each other’s names for 35 years FML I agree, your life sucks 1 813 You deserved it 146
Today, my wife of 21 years fell asleep while we were about to have sex for the eighth time this month. Turns out she can't and won't have sex with me because she has hickies all over her tits and she'd consider it cheating on her new boyfriend, who she just met. I tried to jack off but she fell asleep on my penis, and that was that. FML I agree, your life sucks 597 You deserved it 447
Today, I noticed a flashy car badly parking itself in a handicapped space. I hate the asshats who do this, so I went up to berate the driver. After an opening salvo of coarse language, a glint of light on his wheelchair in the back caught my eye. I then had to apologise for being a shitehawk. FML I agree, your life sucks 6 627 You deserved it 42 728
Today, I realized that without my birth control pills, I would have no idea what day it is. FML I agree, your life sucks 25 917 You deserved it 16 089
There's a keeper!
Are you sure she wasn't joking... i mean... come on... who does that?