Animals: I'll give you 30 quid for one clarky cat

I'll give you 30 quid for one clarky cat

By allykat - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Brampton

Today, I bought my cat a fun toy at the one of a kind craft show. It has catnip in it, which he loves. He flipped out, so I took it away. He won't stop trying to break into the cupboard I put it in. My cat has a drug problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 535

You deserved it 5 880

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Same thing different taste

Apex predator

By PaulineIsHere - 06/10/2024 20:00 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I bought my cat a catnip-filled toy that's shaped like a fish. He pounced on it, wrestled with it, and then got so scared of it for no reason that he dashed full speed into the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 343

You deserved it 129

Baby's high

By Anonymous - 08/01/2021 17:01 - Germany - Zittau

Today, I think my cat is getting high. Whenever she finds her drug of choice, she sniffs it, then rolls around in it, purring ecstatically. Typical catnip reaction, right? Wrong. It’s my dirty underwear she's into. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 172

By Anonymous - 12/05/2011 04:41

Today, I had a full on "conversation" with my cat about her laying off the catnip. I really need to get out more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 024

You deserved it 27 792

Don't harsh our buzz, filthy human

By Ubehage - 06/01/2023 03:00 - Denmark

Today, I bought a huge 1kg bag of catnip and told the delivery driver to just leave the package inside the door. They then left me a soft plastic bag full of catnip. Guess who came home to two stoned cats and a messed up house… FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 1 120

Fetch!

By Anonymous - 23/11/2012 06:17 - United States - Oakland

Today, I saw my cat playing with one of his many toy mice. Knowing he likes to play fetch, I picked it up and threw it across the room. Upon trying to pick it up a second time, I realized that not only was it not a toy, but it was only half-dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 305

You deserved it 3 692

Scaredy cat

By Luke - 15/02/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to surprise my cat with a fancy new toy. I spent $30 on a laser pointer. Turns out, my cat is terrified of lasers, and spent the next hour giving me the "You betrayed me" look from under the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 226

By catlover - 13/12/2012 11:04 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I went Christmas shopping for my cat. I still haven't bought presents for my family, yet my cat already has several small gifts under the tree and an outfit to wear around the house. I really need a new hobby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 233

You deserved it 32 332

Explain yourself

By potheadloljk - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - East Machias

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house when I got a call from my parents. They told me to come home immediately. Panicking, I rushed home. My dad pulled out a clear tube filled with dried leaves. They accused me of having marijuana. It was catnip for my kitten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 672

You deserved it 2 173

You little devil

By Awakened - 07/01/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, my cat learned that smacking his feather toy against the metal barrel I store it in will result in a loud and irritating sound that gets me out of bed fast. Taking it out and putting it on the floor doesn't work, because he learned how to pick it up and drop it in the barrel. My cat is a goddamn genius. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 194

This is mine

By Anonymous - 03/09/2014 23:13 - United States - Santa Ana

Today, I bought a new beanbag chair. My cat thought it was a great scratcher and I now have thousands of tiny plastic balls around the house. He decided those looked yummy, and now the scent of vomit and plastic is awful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 462

You deserved it 5 678

devildog562 33

Wednesday 3 December 2014 8:43

Cat crack. What did you expect?

PleasantDino 22

Wednesday 3 December 2014 8:43

Whenever my cat gets ahold of catnip he makes love to everything he sees.. I think he has a problem

Comments

topher5110 7

Thursday 4 December 2014 13:48

hey man you got that nip?

alicenotalice 12

Thursday 4 December 2014 15:42

I made the mistake of putting silvervine powder (it's like catnip but stronger I think) once on my finger and my cat went nuts. Even after I've wiped my hand, he still kept on attacking it

lostdog29 7

Thursday 4 December 2014 18:12

YDI, for having a cat...

kakakarotcake 17

Thursday 4 December 2014 19:45

Why did you take the toy away? catnip isn't harmful to cats

daximoose 11

Monday 15 December 2014 8:16

My cat got into the bag I had for him, ate it, and then proceeded to smack me in the face till I woke up

Foxrabbit 9

Saturday 3 January 2015 4:56

My family can get catnip for our cats for free. We have wild catnip around our house. We like to watch them when they find it and it is pretty funny.

kunjac0945 21

Sunday 22 March 2015 22:49

"Mr. mittens, what happened to all the good silver?" "Meoooow."

HeyHay10 20

Wednesday 1 April 2015 6:08

My cats just try to eat it, and lick everything it comes in contact with. It's a lot like weed munchies actually....

cdncw 20

Thursday 23 April 2015 20:41

Until I started tying my cupboards closed, my cats would break in and dig for treats - there are no longer treats in there, they stole the bag (and dumped everything off two shelves) months ago... I guess they still hold hope that there are some left.