Animals: Hey sexy… - FML

Hey sexy…

By syn1734 - 16/10/2009 17:33 - United States

Today, my girlfriend called me and told me she "had a surprise for me when I got home" in a sexy voice. So I hurried home, only to find a note saying she left me and took my dog. Deeply depressed, I went into the living room. She took my TV also. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 196

You deserved it 3 453

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 16/10/2011 04:22 - United States

Today, I came home to my empty apartment. My girlfriend had left a note on the floor that said: "Took my stuff and left. Took your stuff and pawned it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 900

You deserved it 5 298

By Afroman720 - 27/07/2015 18:55 - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 797

You deserved it 2 895

By Anonymous - 13/05/2015 17:20 - Canada - Qu?bec

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me by taping a breakup note to my doorstep and ding-dong-ditching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 970

You deserved it 2 775

By Anonymous - 04/01/2011 14:49 - United States

Today, my girlfriend whom I'm crazy about broke up with me out of the blue. After pleading with her unsuccessfully, I called my mom for comfort and advice. She informed me that my dog had died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 724

You deserved it 3 186

Sweep it under the rug

By Anonymous - 12/08/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend told me she was coming over for a surprise visit. I quickly tidied up, but not before shoving all my dirty laundry under the bed. When she arrived, she brought her dog in. Her dog immediately sniffed out the laundry and dragged my most embarrassing underwear into the living room while her parents watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 512

The best part of breaking up…

By Anonymous - 19/10/2009 23:51 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours, hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming, "I meant it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 090

You deserved it 8 863

By Whatswrongwithme? - 03/11/2013 09:57 - United Kingdom

Today, I told my girlfriend I loved her. She left and never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 804

You deserved it 5 730

Carrier pigeon

By Anonymous - 10/03/2022 12:00

Today, I sent my girlfriend a nice "Good morning" text after I woke up. Then I found a paper note stuck to my bedroom door, in which she broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 94

Pleased to meet you

By Homeless without superbowl - 16/02/2023 16:00

Today, I got home and found all my things thrown out into the yard, including the stuff from my mancave, which I spent thousands of dollars on. Apparently, my girlfriend stopped for a visit while my wife was home. I’d stupidly given her a key. Turns out my wife called out sick today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 4 946

By really? - 23/09/2013 02:24 - United States

Today, I texted my girlfriend to tell her that we couldn't hang out because my dog died this morning and we were burying him. She replied that she wasn't going to get stood up by a stupid dog. She then broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 105

You deserved it 4 414

Next

Top comments

amagaeru 0

Friday 16 October 2009 23:10

Err...unless the two of you bought the dog and tv together, that's probably theft.

allmidnighteyes 10

Friday 16 October 2009 23:09

At least you have your computer... And maybe her virginity as well?

Comments

hoohaa17 2

Monday 12 December 2011 12:11

The dog and the T.V. ?!! Hunt the bitch down .

kei1108 13

Tuesday 10 January 2012 4:59

You can sue or call the police! She took your property!

newburton13 26

Saturday 17 March 2012 17:23

Call the cops on her! To take someone's dog is just plain cruel!

LONERANGER44 11

Monday 10 December 2012 14:15

NOT THE T.V!!

Porfirio_fml 4

Sunday 21 April 2013 4:24

Sorry for saying this but BITCH MUSTMBE TRIPPING

burritosrgood 12

Sunday 24 August 2014 22:01

What a douchebag.

NamelessFace 22

Saturday 7 February 2015 18:12

That's a written confession to a crime!

cccccccchrissss 4

Thursday 30 April 2015 3:03

Get ur stuff back. Call the cops or go and get it

Flubberwuffer 9

Wednesday 3 June 2015 9:03

Sue the bitches ass

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, after being kicked out of our school for leaving the country, neither of my guardians want to take charge of our education. So me, being sixteen, I have to do hundreds of assignments for my sister and me, who was already supposed to have graduated. Yay "Home schooling." FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 208

Today, I went on a date for the first time in ages, only to realize that the guy I was seeing chose to take us to a specific restaurant in able to stalk his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 351

You deserved it 160

Today, a maintenance crew came to shovel outside our apartment at 1:00 a.m. They were a hired third party so our usual maintenance guy can't stop them, they didn't speak English for me to communicate, and the cops don't consider shoveling a noise complaint. They woke my kids, and I have to be up again in a few hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 282

Today, I was enjoying some "alone time" with the detachable shower head when someone flushed the toilet, causing the cold water to run out and badly scald my genitals. It hurts to walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 262

You deserved it 22 789

Today, while walking down the street, I was violently beaten up by a man in a Darth Vader outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 639

You deserved it 171

Today, I got hit between the legs with a kayak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 447

You deserved it 3 170