Today, my entire family came over for Thanksgiving. It went pretty well, only four family members got in a fistfight and only one cop car was called. FML
Today, a bee buzzed towards me, so I screamed and started frantically flailing and thrashing my arms, praying it wouldn't sting me. I threw my full cup of hot coffee in the face of the man next to me, and launched my laptop out of its bag and onto the pavement, where it broke in half. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to get married after only six months because of an accidental but happy pregnancy. We’ve spent thousands on the wedding and baby stuff. Apparently it was money wasted, because I just got my period, despite not having one for three months and a positive pregnancy test. FML
Today, I was eating out with my family. I have 2 brothers. Our waitress comes and says, "Look at those 3 handsome young men." I didn't think of it until my 5-year-old brother shouted, " She's a girl!'" FML
Today, my therapist told me to write down my goals for the next five years. After thinking hard for what seemed like forever, all I could come up with was getting a girlfriend and having an FML published. And to be honest, I'm not even sure about that first one. FML
Today, after we managed to find a horse that was completely healthy and problem-free, we took her home. Now she keeps getting thinner because she's stressed and scared. Of what? Of having too much space to move around in, and occasionally seeing deer. FML
Today, my mother asked me if she could borrow $200. Being the lovely daughter I am, I gave her my bank card to withdraw it herself. She gambled it away and maxed my bank account out. I had $1500 saved. FML
Sounds like a grand old time. I only wish I was there.
Well, the last piece of pumpkin pie is a worthy reason to get into a fist fight...