Today, my entire family came over for Thanksgiving. It went pretty well, only four family members got in a fistfight and only one cop car was called. FML
Today, my husband of five years left me for a woman ten years older than himself who lives nine hours away. He met her online two weeks ago while playing Call of Duty. FML
Today, after mowing my neighbor's lawn for 3 years for free without being asked to, he finally came out while I was in the middle of it. Expecting a "Thank you" or some cash, he instead said, "You missed a spot" and walked back inside. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky when we decide to try the old 69. One thing leads to another when her clit ring went deep into my nose, and leaving me feeling like the wrong kind of bull. FML
Today, at Church, the little boy sitting behind me asked his mother if I had the chicken pox, because there were red dots all over my face. I've had bad acne since I was twelve. FML
Today, for my birthday, someone left a big bottle of mouth wash on my desk with a big bow on it. FML
Today, my generosity towards friends, family, artists, Patreon, and Twitch streamers has left me on the brink of financial instability. I was counting on ROI to keep helping others, but now I need to set firm boundaries. FML
Sounds like a grand old time. I only wish I was there.
Well, the last piece of pumpkin pie is a worthy reason to get into a fist fight...