First impressions - FML

First impressions

By Ethan - 04/12/2025 12:00

Today, my boss introduced a new hire and said, “You two will get along great.” I tried to make small talk, tripped over the recycling bin, and spilled paper everywhere. The new hire said, “So… is this, like, normal around here?” Unfortunately, yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 169

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Same thing different taste

How is this my problem?

By Anonymous - 10/06/2025 08:00 - United Kingdom - Beckton

Today, my manager and I were talking about one of our new hires, who I have been getting on well with already. My manager is happy with the newbie's work, but not with their interactions with our coworkers. Yeah… that's on me. My bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 288

You deserved it 123

Suck up

By Anonymous - 22/08/2015 06:58 - United States - Cadillac

Today, I showed up to my new job early, hoping to impress my new boss. When he arrived, he walked by me and muttered, "Fucking tryhard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 812

You deserved it 3 429

By texasbest - 02/09/2015 02:39 - United States - Lindale

Today, at my new job, I walked into the office to hear my supervisor and HR manager talking about how, "the new guy isn't very smart, but we can get him to do the shit work for a couple weeks." Gee, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 763

You deserved it 2 025

Manage your way out of that one

By can't shut my mouth - 28/01/2017 17:00 - United States - Houston

Today, after a string of crappy employees had come and gone over the month, I was joking to my manager that maybe we should move the "Now Hiring" sign further away from the trash can so we'd stop getting garbage hires. The new girl was right behind me. I'll be her trainer all week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 301

You deserved it 3 681

By Anonymous - 26/10/2010 00:22 - United States

Today, I went to my first day of work in over 2 years. As I approached the boss, he asked me what my name was. Turned out they hired the wrong person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 659

You deserved it 2 385

Pranksters

By dan - 09/05/2012 20:10 - United States - Laurel

Today, I started my new job. It seems my colleagues are moronic pranksters, because when I leaned back in my chair, the backrest came apart and I fell to the ground, to much laughter. My boss immediately shouted at me to, "Stop fucking about." I thought this only happened in movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 201

You deserved it 2 182

Office Space

By Mishlette - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I started at my new job. Turns out my boss is a complete douchebag. He spent most of the day looking over our shoulders and making cuntish comments about our work, then called a guy a piece of shit for farting, and forced him to spray disinfectant on his chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 256

You deserved it 2 817

Many such cases

By Anonymous - 27/07/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I received an office-wide email about our new boss. I meant to forward it to my friend with, “He looks like he eats mayonnaise straight from the jar.” However, I hit "Reply All" instead. Including said new boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 805

Workplace etiquette

By Anonymous - 04/03/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, my new boss sat me down and told me he's seriously reconsidering my hire, all because I greeted him with, "Howdy, boss!" instead of, "Good morning, sir." Apparently this indicates a lack of respect for his authority. FML

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 482

By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 10:17 - United States

Today, I started my new job at a small business. I was pretty excited to finally be working, until I found out the big boss is a creeper and sees no problem making comments such as "You're way more interesting than the rest of these slope-eyed fucks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 880

You deserved it 1 678

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Today, my boyfriend met my brother. They're both over 6 foot, and big. They glared at each other like they were about to start a fight, then out of nowhere shook hands, hugged while laughing like lunatics, and have been besties all afternoon. Why are gym bros such weird idiots? FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 437

Today, I was told by my wife of 19 years that all the songs about cheating that she's been playing for a year and a half should have been a good enough hint. Getting a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 220

You deserved it 118

Today, my friend and I went back to my house after a gym session. After I took my shoes and socks off in the foyer, I told her to wait while I brought some post-workout smoothies. I came back to find her sniffing my socks. She stared back at me for a bit, said, "Uh, catch ya later", and left with my socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 140

Today, at work, our team started a new sales strategy of selling flowers to men by asking them to buy one for their lovely ladies. The first guy I ask ends up crying and telling me his wife passed away a week ago. The woman with him was actually his sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 617

You deserved it 5 183

Today, my son lost his pet rat, Charlie. Whilst vacuuming under my couch, the vacuum suddenly shut off. Something was stuck in it, so I took it apart. Something was inside, so I leaned in closer to get a better look. Bad news? I need a new vacuum. Good news? I found Charlie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 710

You deserved it 4 595

Today, my roommate shouted his entire part of the conversation at the dinner table. He refuses to get his hearing checked, nor lower his voice, so now my ears hurt for the rest of the evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 778

You deserved it 110