Sex, Clothes, Awkward and Intimacy: Cursed underwear

Cursed underwear

By Anonymous - 23/11/2011 16:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I managed to convince a girl to come back to my place for a bit of fun. Unfortunately, I was wearing cheap new black underwear, and some of its fibers had stuck themselves to my knob, making it look like a weird fleshy caterpillar. I didn't get lucky. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 355

You deserved it 20 436

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Same thing different taste

The price of sin

By Anonymous - 30/05/2016 16:35 - United States - Houston

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to have some alone time under the stars. Things were getting hot and heavy in my truck bed and clothes went everywhere. After getting dressed, I felt pain. Little did I know that I threw my underwear in an ant pile. I got bit down south, a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 837

You deserved it 3 888

By pantyripper - 24/03/2014 12:39 - Australia - Essendon

Today, I ripped my old, worn underwear while trying to pick a wedgie in public. Half ended up in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 323

You deserved it 21 693

Fruit and veg

By dan - 25/06/2013 04:22 - United States - Phoenix

Today, after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went back to my place and things started getting hot. I went in the bathroom and put on a green condom. She wouldn't have sex with me because it looked "like a cucumber" and "cucumbers are nasty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 382

You deserved it 15 398

By coppervains - 22/02/2014 18:13 - United States - Livonia

Today, I bought a new bra and panties and modeled them for my boyfriend. I thought he liked them, until mid-way through feeling me up, he decided he'd rather give me a massive wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 783

You deserved it 8 206

QC issue

By Anonymous - 02/10/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my date was about to go down on me when he burst out laughing. I'd bought some new sexy panties, which apparently had a sticker on them that came off and got stuck to me. It seems my vagina had been examined by employee No.32 for quality control purposes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 478

By Anonymous - 30/04/2013 18:24 - United States - Pompton Plains

Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 010

You deserved it 8 457

By Moth_Balled - 15/12/2015 04:50 - Australia

Today, my wife knelt down in front me to give me a blowjob. As she took my underwear off a moth flew out of them. I've got no idea how it got there but I was cock-blocked by a moth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 563

You deserved it 6 426

By :x - 03/02/2016 15:40 - United States - Richmond

Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 958

You deserved it 5 377

W.T.F.

By Anonymous - 15/09/2018 06:00

Today, while getting dressed, I discovered that when my brother and his friends got drunk last night one of them wanked into a pair of my panties and put them back in my wardrobe. The crusty mess pressed right into my groin. I had to clean dry spunk out of my pubic hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 157

You deserved it 618

By Colton - 20/12/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 981

You deserved it 50 627

Sebastian_NG 17

Wednesday 23 November 2011 19:14

I have to stop reading fmls while eating

sirhobothesecond 3

Wednesday 23 November 2011 19:28

clcbjj31- it means you're on your period.

Comments

ikickgingers 15

Wednesday 23 November 2011 23:05

Pull his what...? ;)

structuredchaoz 4

Wednesday 23 November 2011 23:15

Always hit the restroom first man.

divadro102 16

Wednesday 23 November 2011 23:18

****-blocked by lint

ellakacyme22 6

Wednesday 23 November 2011 23:40

your penis must have been sticky or sweaty for the fiber to have stuck on it

NPN_Scorpio 16

Thursday 24 November 2011 12:52

...or rubbing the rod with the fabric caused a buildup of static electricity.

LullzKitteh 1

Thursday 24 November 2011 16:24

no, really?

youneedhelp 1

Wednesday 23 November 2011 23:45

I'm sorry bro that's gotta suck

emmaa3451 11

Thursday 24 November 2011 0:52

Lol what happened to snakes? But hey... Caterpillars are cool.. Just a lot smaller ;)

hobojo69 23

Thursday 24 November 2011 0:54

Damn CHINA!!!

haj_fml 4

Thursday 24 November 2011 0:58

'convince' by means of rohypnol..?

yummcookie 0

Thursday 24 November 2011 1:53

New boxers sounded like such a good idea too :( unlucky mate, just get her drunk and turn out the lights next time.

squarecircles 13

Thursday 24 November 2011 2:04

Just be thankful it didn't turn into a moth!

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Miscellaneous My ex Stalker Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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I agree, your life sucks 26 961

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Today, I asked a very cute fireman for his number, "just in case I needed him to come to my rescue." He told me, "Yeah, sure!" and scribbled it down. After he walked away, I read his note, which read: "911". FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 312

You deserved it 50 385