Pregnancy

Dream baby dream

By NewDadHurtBad - 27/06/2022 09:00 - Canada - Quesnel

Today, for the third time in 3 months, my pregnant wife woke me up by slapping me because I cheated on her in her dreams. I would never cheat on my wife, and she blames it on "pregnancy brain." There's still 5 months to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 030

You deserved it 163

Meddling

By monsterinlaw - 23/08/2011 14:51 - United States

Today, my obnoxious mother-in-law berated me in front of my husband's family for still working while pregnant. She says I'm harming the baby by not quitting. I'm only four months pregnant and I work as a nurse at a hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 279

You deserved it 2 641

Nice support system you've got there

By Anonymous - 24/08/2023 22:00

Today, I announced my pregnancy to my parents, expecting them to be thrilled. Instead, they were furious. Apparently, being unmarried and on disability means I can't raise a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 281

You deserved it 1 789

Alcohol is no excuse

By Carrie - 21/01/2023 22:00

Today, after spending thousands on 4 failed IVF attempts, my husband of 3 years told me he had a drunken one night stand last month with his ex, who he said he hasn’t spoken to in years, is pregnant with his baby. There goes our future together. I thought trust and being honest meant something, but obviously not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 700

You deserved it 253

A rock and a hard place

By Anonymous - 10/11/2021 19:59

Today, despite being on the pill and always using condoms, I'm pregnant. I told my boyfriend I want to keep it, hoping he wanted to keep it too. He told me he hopes I enjoy being a single parent, because he absolutely does not want it, but knows I’ll never get an abortion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 682

You deserved it 639

Bad guy (duh)

By Anonymous - 17/06/2020 20:01

Today, I had to fake enthusiasm when my girlfriend told me she's pregnant. She has a nasty streak and I was planning to break up with her, but if I left her now everyone would think I’m the bad guy. I actually think she’s capable of killing me if she gets angry enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 215

You deserved it 917

Trust

By Anonymous - 02/03/2022 12:00

Today, I'm so confused. My husband had a vasectomy years ago, yet a bunch of symptoms and five pregnancy tests all say I’m pregnant. I’ve never cheated on him, but if a baby suddenly appears, there’s no way he won’t think I’m a cheater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 747

You deserved it 217

Genetics

By Anonymous - 29/09/2021 17:00

Today, my twin sister gave birth and somehow now weighs less than before she was pregnant. She also has huge boobs now and not a stretch mark in sight. Meanwhile, I’m still carrying an extra 15 pounds, even though I gave birth 5 years ago, and so many stretch marks I look like a fat zebra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 539

You deserved it 355

Just no, stop

By Anonymous - 01/04/2023 00:00

Today, I’m on my fifth miscarriage in nine years so we’ve had to decide to stop trying. Ever since we stopped, my mother in law is blaming me for giving her no grand-babies and uses every opportunity to try convince my husband to divorce me and marry a real, “fertile” woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 839

You deserved it 131

News to me

By Whitney - 09/10/2022 02:30

Today, my best friend called me and told me she was in the hospital in labor. Excited, I rush to the hospital. Once I arrived, I saw my boyfriend of 4 years in the room. I asked him what he was doing there and my friend says, “You wanna tell her or should I?” Turns out he’s leaving me for her. The baby is his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 679

You deserved it 153

Poor planning on your part does not necessitate an emergency on mine

By Anonymous - 16/02/2024 04:00 - United States - Eagle Mountain

Today, I told my family that I’m pregnant. My sister is upset and refuses to accept she’ll have to help with the baby. I’m a single mom going to college and living at home, and will need help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 2 369

Best prank ever

By Anonymous - 12/08/2023 00:02

Today, I meant to prank my boyfriend with a fake pregnancy, but when he walked in, he had his elderly mom with him. She saw all the pregnancy stuff I’d set up for the prank and got so excited that she had a stroke, and is now in a vegetative state and might not wake up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 1 524

Some girls are bigger than others

By pinkpurplegurl - 24/09/2015 14:33 - China

Today, while taking the subway home, a woman offered me her seat. I smiled and declined. She said she insisted because of my "pregnancy." I was too ashamed to say I wasn't pregnant, so I just took the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 106

You deserved it 4 043

Thanks for the self-confidence boost

By Tata - 14/04/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, I’m six weeks post-partum. I bought lingerie for the occasion and surprised my husband. It was going well until I took off my corset. He visibly recoiled but kept going to be nice. He insisted we keep the lights off because he “had a headache and his eyes hurt.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 382

You deserved it 114

Skipped

By how?!?! - 07/06/2021 00:01

Today, I found out that I’m pregnant even though I've had the implant for a couple of years. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that I got knocked up after only seeing the guy for a few weeks, or the fact that I had a boyfriend for five years and it never happened. The new guy thinks I lied and bailed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 033

You deserved it 316

That's enough of that

By really?!? - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Wendell

Today, I was driving my 9 month pregnant sister around in our golf cart when it died. I had to push it the rest of the way home. She wouldn't stop faking going into labor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 393

You deserved it 4 547

Overreaction Man

By Anonymous - 07/04/2021 23:00

Today, I told my boyfriend I’m pregnant. He told me not to worry, he’d pay child support until it’s 18, and he’d be moved out of our flat by Friday. When I asked him why, he told me not to be stupid, no way was he being trapped into raising a kid. He didn’t even ask if it was a boy or girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 698

You deserved it 733

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 05:21 - United States

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. The only gift I got was from myself: a positive pregnancy test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 702

You deserved it 91 630

Sounds like a lovely guy

By Blindsider - 28/03/2023 12:00

Today, I had my second miscarriage. My husband responded by throwing a bitch fit because I "totally blindsided him with this miscarriage shit” knowing he wanted kids, and if he'd known he wouldn’t have married me in the first place. He threw his wedding band in the trash and stormed off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 750

You deserved it 140

The miracle of barf

By EvictingItSoon - 08/03/2020 23:07

Today, what I thought was food poisoning is actually a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 791

You deserved it 711

Attempted good deed

By Anonymous - 15/08/2024 06:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I saw a woman who I thought was pregnant on the bus. Trying to be nice, I offered her my seat and congratulated her. She wasn't pregnant, just holding a large bag of groceries. The entire bus heard me and the death glare she gave could’ve turned me to stone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150

You deserved it 531

Surprise surprise

By Anonymous - 24/09/2010 11:25 - United States

Today, there were a few loud and annoying kids running around my store. My coworker and I started talking. I jokingly stated, "Yeah, kids ruin everything." But before I could get out, "God knows I'm not ready to be a dad," my phone rang. It was my one night stand. I'm going to be a daddy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 096

You deserved it 75 429

No, you don't

By tianap89 - 15/11/2023 00:00

Today, I’m eating a salad with a sparkling water once again. I’m 7 months pregnant. My husband says he’ll leave me if I ever get too fat after I give birth. I can’t afford to be a single mom, nor leave the marriage, so this is the cross I have to bear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 284

The weirdos are reproducing

By pregz - 25/04/2013 00:18 - United States - Vancouver

Today, while grocery shopping, I was having such terrible abdominal pains I could hardly walk. As I'm 8 months pregnant, I told my husband we should head home. He thought a better idea was to run through the store and hide from me, hoping to induce labor by making me chase him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 236

You deserved it 4 401

Unionize

By blah! - 13/12/2020 14:01

Today, I found out I'm pregnant, after quitting my job because they asked us to work for free due to COVID. So because I quit, I'm no longer eligible for maternity leave. I didn’t know that I was 4 months pregnant. I could've just gotten a doctor's note for medical reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 049

You deserved it 518

Dense

By Anonymous - 20/03/2022 14:00

Today, I tried to explain to my son that a 10.5lb baby can’t be born after only 6 months of pregnancy, and when he didn’t get that massive hint, I had to outright tell him his girlfriend must've already been 3 months pregnant when they met, and lied to him. I’ve raised an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 892

You deserved it 226

Spreading

By Anonymous - 16/07/2021 18:01

Today, I found out that my best friend and I are pregnant. This would be much more exciting if my boyfriend wasn’t the father of both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 421

You deserved it 179

All the same to me

By Gomeck33 - 28/10/2022 02:00

Today, my mother-in-law insisted my wife and I name our unborn son “Aladdin” She thinks the name is perfect and will “match well because it’s an Arabian name” and “Aren’t you Arabian?” I’m Egyptian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 139

Neil Diamond was wrong

By LucyLollipop - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I had my first glass of red wine after months of pregnancy and giving birth. Just as I sat down and started to relax, I spilled it all over myself and my in-law’s couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 293

You deserved it 953

Denial

By Isabella - 20/09/2022 22:30

Today, I'm 9 months pregnant and the father of my child has suddenly decided that the child I've carried for 9 months isn't his, and that it was "too late" to try and fix our relationship. He's the only man who could be the father, he's just finding every excuse to say, "Sorry, but no thank you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 191

You deserved it 199

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 858

You deserved it 5 473

Today, I found out that my mom had read my diary because she was worried. She now knows details about my depression, details about my sex life, such as how I lost my virginity, to whom (I don't have a boyfriend), and what condition I was in at the time (drunk as a duck). She also showed my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 423

You deserved it 22 077

Today, I was using a public bathroom when a woman backs in, pulls down her pants, and sits on my lap. Needless to say she didn't even notice I was there until I hyperventilated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 538

You deserved it 4 749

Today, my boyfriend and I had a friend over. This friend was talking about how two girls were trying to get with him. My boyfriend said, "I wouldn't ever fuck the blonde one, but I would do the other one in a heartbeat." Then, realizing what he'd just said, he hesitantly added, "…if I was single." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 707

You deserved it 497

Today, I was giving a presentation at work but accidentally spilled water all over my laptop. I tried to dry it off, but it wouldn't turn on. I had to give the presentation awkwardly using my phone and everyone took the piss out of me and my shoddy performance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 625

You deserved it 260

Today, I went to hospital with chest pain and they discovered I need a triple bypass for three arteries clogged with fat. The doctor assumed from my scans that I must be middle aged or older because he’d never seen three arteries clogged so badly on someone under 50. I’m 27 FML

I agree, your life sucks 644

You deserved it 327