Parenting

Good advice

By Anonymous - 03/05/2022 04:00

Today, I was advised to never have kids because they ruin your life, ruin your body, cost you money, stress you out, and the end result is they become an adult you don’t even really like or would choose to spend time with if you weren’t related. It was both my parents who gave me this advice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 334

You deserved it 250

Hey you, and welcome, my name is Mike…

By paranoid much? - 29/04/2022 21:00 - United States

Today, thanks to too many true crime podcasts and shows, my wife has lost her marbles. She now insists we use code names for our kids while out in public, so that no predators will hear their real names and follow us home to kidnap them. She’s completely serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 147

Alexa, play "I'm Only Sleeping" by The Beatles

By Anonymous - 29/04/2022 06:00

Today, I got home and found my husband passed out, lying in the playpen with our 6 month-old climbing all over him. I don’t know how long he’d been asleep, but her nappy was overflowing and she hadn’t been fed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 164

Get your act together

By MistressMagi - 28/04/2022 22:00

Today, my parents decided that because my sister never cleans the bathroom, every time she doesn’t, she and I BOTH have to pay $100 a week for a maid. I can’t afford to move out, and with this, I never will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 163

Don't mention the helicopter parents!

By Anonymous - 27/04/2022 12:00

Today, I got an F because I’m an idiot and wrote my essay on WW1 instead of WW2. I offered to resubmit a correct essay, but my mom stormed to school to demand it be changed to at least a B, because it was a good essay, even if it was on the wrong war. God, she’s impossible and embarrassing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 322

Kids will be kids

By Anonymous - 26/04/2022 18:00 - United States

Today, I learned my son has been picking on a girl he has a crush on. He apparently went too far, because she finally snapped and beat him up at recess. The teacher, who knew about this from the beginning and actively did nothing, is trying to throw me under the bus for being oblivious to my son's behavior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 526

Alexa, play "Boredom" by Buzzcocks

By Sam - 25/04/2022 03:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was prepared for it to be difficult being a parent, but it's actually super easy. What I wasn't prepared for was just how boring it would be after my husband returned to work and I was left alone. All she does is sleep, so the whole house is scrubbed clean, and I'm climbing the walls from sheer bloody boredom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 480

Get me out of here

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my psycho stepmother and I got into an argument, and she started to get physical. After calling the police, and a cop showing up at the door, he took her side because she said it was "discipline". I'm a 29 year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 010

You deserved it 5 346

BEHAVE!

By Reeve of the Shires - 23/04/2022 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my son and I were arguing, and my wife yelled at us that the reason we don't get along is because we have identical personalities. She then kicked us out until we learn to get along, so we're sleeping in the freezing caravan, sharing a blanket that's only 6 feet wide and was last used for the cat to give birth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 1 287

Honest parenting

By Anonymous - 09/04/2022 16:00

Today, I hit a parked car and did some damage, so I left a note. My dad called me a moron and, to teach me a life lesson, made me drive back to the car in case the owner hadn’t seen it yet, and remove the note. He actually threatened to smash my PlayStation if I came back without the note. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 158

You deserved it 180

Sophie's choice

By MyBaby - 08/04/2022 00:00 - United States - Kula

Today, I'm so excited and can't wait to join work after my maternity break, but the thought of being away from my baby is just killing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 310

Parenting styles may differ…

By Anonymous - 21/03/2022 16:01 - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, it was my first day at my new high school. I put on a tiny bit of makeup, just some mascara, to feel more confident. I got in the car and my mom started yelling about how horrible my makeup is, basically calls me a slut for wearing it, and makes me take it off. I ended up crying in the bathroom on my first day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 167

You deserved it 164

Assumptions

By MommyIssues - 16/03/2022 07:00 - United States - Loveland

Today, my boyfriend said that the reason I crave affection so bad is because I’m an only child so I got “all my parents attention”. My mom worked nights my whole life and slept while I was home. I barely got 1-2 hours a week of her attention at the maximum and she usually used that time to read. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 116

You deserved it 130

Parents of the year

By ash - 15/03/2022 22:00

Today, as usual, my parents do not believe that I have schizophrenia. The hallucinations won’t stop and I still can’t get used to how scary they are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 316

You deserved it 93

Daddy's… boy

By Anonymous - 11/03/2022 12:01

Today, it's been a week my husband started pouting since I gave birth to our third and final baby, who is also our third boy. He’s pouting that he didn’t get the daughter he wanted. It’s so cute watching him sulk, but he’s also a pain in the ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 186

You deserved it 248

Homeschooling sucks

By jj. - 10/03/2022 16:00

Today, it’s the hundredth day of me being homeschooled. It’s also the hundredth day in a row where my dad has assigned a five-page essay. I told my him I’m feeling burnt out. He said, “That’s not a real thing. Stop whining like a little baby and write the essay.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 365

You deserved it 184

Shame! Shame!

By Anonymous - 05/03/2022 12:00

Today, my daughter is so out of touch with anything not related to her phone and her social popularity that she doesn't know who Hitler was. I had to show her on YouTube, and while we aren't religious anymore, we are a Jewish family so this is an extra level of parental shame for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 818

You deserved it 630

Mr Knowitall

By put your money where your milkmakers are - 28/02/2022 13:00 - United States

Today, I got pissed after my boyfriend tried mansplaining breastfeeding to me. I’ve nursed two children of my own, stocked and sustained two big freezers full, and still had leftovers to donate to preemies. He tried saying pumping "doesn’t increase supply" and that I just “got lucky” making so much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 083

You deserved it 176

Playa

By Anonymous - 28/02/2022 10:00

Today, on the subject of sex, I asked my son if he uses precautions and he promised me he always gives the ladies a fake name and fake mobile phone number, like dad told him to. I might have several grandbabies I’m never going to meet, and my husband and I are going to be having words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 543

You deserved it 291

Hellworld

By I’m scared - 27/02/2022 14:00 - United States - Denver

Today, after my mother, who was a loving and gentle soul, died, I’ve moved in permanently with my stepmom, whom I’d never met. Her very first words to me were, “Let me make one thing perfectly clear: I am your mother now. If you make even ONE mistake, I will literally rip your fucking throat out.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 817

You deserved it 113

Consideration

By Anonymous - 27/02/2022 02:00

Today, my ex referred to missing my last two weekends with my daughter as an example of my typical unreliable parenting. I was in hospital after a drug addict stabbed me in the intestines with a broken glass bong, used to smoke god only knows what, but sure, it’s typical me behaviour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 601

You deserved it 180

R-Rated

By hypocrite much? - 17/02/2022 12:00

Today, my mom overheard me telling my 6 year-old about periods. My mom condescendingly asked, “Isn’t she a bit young for that?” That’s pretty rich coming from a woman who didn’t want to share the TV, so all of us grew up watching whatever violent or raunchy sex filled R-rated crap she wanted to watch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 045

You deserved it 134

Give us a hand

By Anonymous - 16/02/2022 04:00

Today, I'm solely responsible for my kids, entirely, while my husband goes to the gym, his office, goes running, and plays with his buddies. He wanted kids; I didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 146

You deserved it 413

Alexa, play "No Fun" by The Stooges

By Anonymous - 15/02/2022 21:59

Today, I was supposed to be meeting my daughter's boyfriend, but my wife has locked me in the basement until he leaves, so there’s no chance of me tormenting the boy. Quite wise on her part, I had all kinds of evil ideas, but now I’m locked in here, I’m bored as hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 316

You deserved it 2 583

Strong bond

By you’re still a bad mom! - 14/02/2022 00:01

Today, my mom called, crying that my sister had dropped her kids off on my mom’s doorstep with no intention of coming back for them. I called and screamed at my sister, who then called my brother, who screamed at me for making my sister cry. All of this because her new boyfriend doesn’t like her kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 757

You deserved it 128

Anatomy lesson

By Anonymous - 13/02/2022 06:00

Today, my mom lost her shit because I was teaching my daughter about tampons. Apparently, they were created by radical feminists to trick women into “stealing” their own virginities, in order to make them unsuitable brides for decent men. I can’t believe I came out of this repressed psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 727

You deserved it 149

Secrecy

By Anonymous - 10/02/2022 09:59

Today, my son is apparently old enough for his dad to teach him the “Don’t tell mommy” game, such as, "Don’t tell mommy you had extra dessert", or "Don’t tell mommy it was daddy who accidentally broke the window with daddy’s secret new air rifle." FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 188

Hard times

By Anonymous - 08/02/2022 23:00 - United States - Battle Creek

Today, after 3 days of insomnia, I was able to finally fall asleep, just for there to be a fire in the apartment building about 15 minutes later. My mom called me selfish for waking her up in the middle of the night to ask if I could stay with her, and told me I better not rent a hotel room with the money I owe her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 065

You deserved it 118

Debt

By Anonymous - 25/01/2022 14:01 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after weeks of asking, I was finally given my debit card back from my parents. They’ve spent over $1000 and now I’m scared to know how much I have left. There was no mention of a reimbursement either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 386

You deserved it 185

Punished

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mother walked in on me watching porn. As punishment, she sat down and made me watch the rest of it with her as she gave play-by-play commentary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 442

You deserved it 23 079

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, a former friend of mine, with whom I viciously cut ties a few months ago after I found out she's a narcissist, was one of very few people to wish me a happy birthday. Thanks, but no thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 639

You deserved it 438

Today, I was trying to fix a stapler, but it turns out it wasn't broken at all. It wouldn't staple a small stack of papers but had no trouble stapling through my finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 441

You deserved it 3 938

Today, I'm 23 years-old and most of the people in my grade who I went to highschool with are taking vacations every month with their rich and supportive parents or their significant others. Some of them have never worked a job. I have to work every day just to make rent, and cut off my judgemental unsupportive family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 226

Today, I was sitting in my garden with my younger sister when she told me that she'd found pictures of me from a decade ago. She also told me that I've changed a lot over the years, because back then I was still pretty. My neighbours overheard it and started laughing out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 852

You deserved it 215

Today, I was hired as an aide to a manager. He only works 2 hours a day, so I only work for 2 hours. The other 8 hours of my day I'm bored because I’m not allowed to go home, watch YouTube, browse Facebook, or read a book, so I just sit at my desk, earning £0.17 over minimum wage, to stare at a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 159

Today, my leadership class was trying to decide who would run the kissing booth in our local carnival. Someone suggested me, to which the director replied, "We'd never make any profit with her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 898

You deserved it 3 071