Kids

I blame the parents

By Anonymous - 29/01/2021 02:01 - Panama - Cuba

Today, after being kicked out of our school for leaving the country, neither of my guardians want to take charge of our education. So me, being sixteen, I have to do hundreds of assignments for my sister and me, who was already supposed to have graduated. Yay "Home schooling." FML

I agree, your life sucks 805

You deserved it 212

Grow up

By BigKid - 28/01/2021 21:30

Today, I threw a tantrum because my younger sister ate my chocolate. I'm almost 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 262

You deserved it 1 196

Best Baby Names of 2021

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 05:02

Today, my boyfriend has had name ideas for his future son and daughter even before I met him, but so have I. He disregards my ideas and suggestions, and is hell bent on giving our kids names because he likes "the way they sound." 'Hippopotamus' sounds good, but who’d name their kids that? FML

I agree, your life sucks 961

You deserved it 207

Thanks, great feedback everyone!

By Anonymous - 27/01/2021 23:01

Today, after years of not meeting my partner's family, along with the new arrival of our daughter, we decided to travel to meet them all and introduce our bundle of joy. Instead of the usual welcoming committee, all they could go on about was whether or not my daughter was his because of how fair toned she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 946

You deserved it 151

Paternity test before the rest

By Anonymous - 27/01/2021 08:01 - United States

Today, after always laughing when my mom told me to avoid dating any guy with green eyes and thinking it was some weird prejudice, she told me the truth. My father cheated and had at least six other kids. They all have green eyes and look alike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054

You deserved it 95

Report card

By Jussy - 26/01/2021 17:01

Today, while assisting my kindergartener with distance learning, it became apparent what an incompetent bumbling mess his teacher is. In-person learning resumes next week, and I'm terrified to leave my child in a classroom with this man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 800

You deserved it 162

What a tit

By Anonymous - 17/01/2021 16:59 - United States - Farmingdale

Today, I stabbed myself in the nipple with scissors trying to cut an opening in the supposedly hands-free pumping bra I just bought. I breastfeed my 5-day-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 356

Innocence

By Anonymous - 15/01/2021 11:01

Today, my mom mentioned that she doesn’t think she’s gonna let my baby sister believe in Santa. When I mentioned that I believed in Santa growing up, she casually replied with, "Yeah, well you were slow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 144

You old fool

By Anonymous - 15/01/2021 05:01 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, after repeatedly telling my partner's family that our daughter is allergic to peanuts, his grandfather decided to feed her one, to "see if she really is allergic." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 313

You deserved it 78

Taking sides

By Anonymous - 14/01/2021 14:01

Today, after months of not wanting anything to do with her dad, my three-year-old was over her phase. During dinner, I play-shoved my husband and he did it back. Our daughter saw him and now keeps saying, "It’s not nice to push mommy." We’re back to square one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 294

Dad prank #9866

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Sweden

Today, I had to basically ground my own husband, after he tricked our 6-year-old son into getting his tongue stuck to a frozen pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 100

You deserved it 5 027

No sex for you

By Anonymous - 09/01/2021 05:01 - United States

Today, I realized that my fiancée is using our son to make sure we can't have sex. He's two years-old and hasn't once slept in his own bed or crib. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 142

You deserved it 241

One-sided

By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 02:02 - Australia

Today, after I spent quite some time getting thoughtful gifts for my friend and her kids ahead of their visit, she made a big fuss about how she'd "forgotten" to bring the gift she'd bought for me. Later, she casually admitted that she'd intentionally not bought me anything because she, "didn't think I'd need it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 002

You deserved it 135

Contagion

By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 05:02

Today, after bronchitis and a negative COVID test, I finally went back into my classroom for the last day before break. An hour after I got home, a parent contacted me to let me know her child (whom I helped all day) had tested positive and that I needed to quarantine. She thought I would, "want to know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 080

You deserved it 113

Stop that now

By Soo - 24/12/2020 08:04 - Spain - Archidona

Today, I saw my 4 year-old daughter singing and dancing, so I decided to sing along. As soon as I started singing she said, without blinking her eyes and super calmly, "Could you please stop doing that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 284

The Covid who stole Christmas

By TCRII - 22/12/2020 08:09

Today, I picked up my 5 year-old son for Christmas break. We were on the way to the airport, talking about Santa and what we were going to do over the break when my fiancée called to tell me that she had been exposed to Covid-19. I took him home to his mom's and missed my flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 484

Panic

By Danger Dave - 21/12/2020 04:58

Today, it's been almost 24 hours since my wife bent down and couldn't get back up. After laying in bed all day in agony with a bad back, an ambulance was called. She still currently can't stand in the hospital. I have two kids to look after and am supposed to be in work tomorrow. I have no idea what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 607

You deserved it 562

After careful consideration…

By Newgenmom - 18/12/2020 20:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I told my husband I might want a baby, so he took me to visit his best friend who has a toddler and we stayed for an hour. I no longer want a baby. I want the pill wrapped in 2 condoms and a joint vasectomy/hysterectomy paid for with my non-baby disposable income, and my husband now has a shit eating grin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 1 715

Unionize

By blah! - 13/12/2020 14:01

Today, I found out I'm pregnant, after quitting my job because they asked us to work for free due to COVID. So because I quit, I'm no longer eligible for maternity leave. I didn’t know that I was 4 months pregnant. I could've just gotten a doctor's note for medical reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 519

Fundies say the darndest things

By Lyle - 13/12/2020 02:07 - United Kingdom

Today, after my father in law upset my 6-year-old son by telling him creating a world in Minecraft is a sin, because only god is allowed to create worlds so all Minecraft players will burn in hell one day, it's been 5 days since he's slept right because he’s scared the Devil will burn him if he falls asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 633

You deserved it 125

Late term

By disappointed - 11/12/2020 02:02 - Canada - Brantford

Today, I had to pick my son up from jail. He was pulled over for having a busted tail light, gave the officer his licence, realized he gave the officer his fake ID and then the dumbass gave the cop his real one. Is it too late for a vasectomy? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 764

You deserved it 498

Christmas Racket

By Dave - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Tallahassee

Today, my 5 kids were singing their favorite Christmas carols in the van, each trying to sing louder than the others. It would have probably sounded better if they were all singing the same one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 062

You deserved it 4 659

Jimin causing drama time!

By Callie - 06/12/2020 20:02 - United States

Today, my daughter got mad at me for saying I didn't really get the appeal of Kpop. She went off at me, saying that I should "stan BTS" or something to that effect. She's 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 174

Little shit

By Anonymous - 06/12/2020 02:01 - Malaysia

Today, I went to the graveyard with my little brother to visit my grandfather's grave. While we were there, my brother suddenly asked me, "Can you die now? I hate you." He's 7 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 030

You deserved it 172

Overbearing parents are the worst

By SoDead - 05/12/2020 11:01 - United States - Center Point

Today, my mother, who thinks I'm a virgin, called me while I was having sex with my boyfriend. I have to answer every time she calls or she freaks out. I ended the conversation quickly and hung up. Or so I thought. She listened in to the rest of our 20-minute lovemaking session, and I have some explaining to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 1 827

Can't do the time? Don't do the crime!

By Anonymous - 05/12/2020 04:58 - United States - Mountain View

Today, my entire family was diagnosed with COVID. My son's school decided I was well enough to homeschool him on Zoom all day. My head feels like it’s going to explode and all I want to do is sleep. Did I mention my ADHD son has no symptoms? FML

I agree, your life sucks 979

You deserved it 191

Hellworld

By hannahnator - 02/12/2020 14:04 - United States - Racine

Today, it's the first day of our 2-week quarantine. Today, my 3 year-old also discovered Blippi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 192

Look mom!

By Anonymous - 29/11/2020 19:59

Today, I was having my 9 year-old son help me find the TV remote. We were searching my bedroom when all the sudden my son says, “Look, mom it’s right here!” I turn around to see him pointing to where the remote was with my vibrator like a teacher pointing at a blackboard with a pointer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 1 019

Happy Thanksgiving!

By Anonymous - 26/11/2020 23:08 - United States - Sacramento

Today, my daughter repeated what she had heard her grandma say when asked to say grace. It happened to be, "Dear God, why the fuck did we invite all these assholes to Thanksgiving?" I don't want to attend any more family gatherings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 056

You deserved it 164

Child's play

By Misbah Akhtar - 21/11/2020 13:59 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today, my 6 year-old brought me a card. On it was a turd belonging to my 4 year-old son. She got excited and grossed out, and threw it on the rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 710

You deserved it 383

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The Top

Today, I spent my last $50 to get a ticket to take my daughter out for a nice birthday dinner tonight. It wasn't until after I purchased it that I realized the restaurant isn't even open on Mondays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 931

You deserved it 5 586

Today, a stranger came up to me with a flirty smile, greeted me by my name, and asked if I remembered him. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't remember, so I asked him to tell me. He promptly left with a disappointed look. He was the most gorgeous person I've ever seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 850

You deserved it 7 693

Today, I went in for a doctor's appointment. When I got on the scale, I was really excited to see that I'd lost ten pounds since the last time I weighed myself at the gym. The doctor then severely lectured me on the fact that I had gained twenty since my visit last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 545

You deserved it 9 295

Today, I was teaching a ten year old how to play piano. Halfway through the lesson, she made a minor mistake, which, trying to be a good tutor, I corrected her. She smiled up at me, paused, then slammed the key cover down onto my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 372

You deserved it 3 536

Today, a 7-year-old girl came up to me and told me to go fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard the conversation; she came up to me and told me to go fuck myself as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 81

Today, my mom cussed at me because I denied my struggling cousin a job at my company, and now it's my fault he and his family will suffer and starve. He was fired from his former job as a payroll officer, and is now blacklisted. Over 30 people got zero on payday, as he later went Living La Vida Loca with his "bonus". FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 58