Cleaning

New lifeform just dropped

By Anonymous - 24/11/2023 20:00 - Canada

Today, while clearing out my kitchen, I discovered a Tupperware container that'd been forgotten for so long it'd developed its own ecosystem. When I opened it, a funky smell engulfed the kitchen, and I realized I had unintentionally created a new form of life. I promptly closed the container, then put it in the freezer in the hope of killing whatever it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 625

Humblebrag?

By P…… - 01/02/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I wanted to give my car a quick wash, to get the salt and road grime off. My girlfriend lodged herself up my ass and decided that we should deep-clean all four of our cars, then screamed at me when I didn't show enough enthusiasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 480

Proper job

By So so close to clean - 08/02/2017 16:00 - United States - Warren

Today, with words of encouragement from my mom, I vacuumed my room. After finishing and admiring my job well done, I went to put the vacuum away. It caught on the plug for my electric razor which was dangling below the dresser and yanked that and everything else that was on top of it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 424

You deserved it 1 299

Who let you in?

By Bye Bye Toast - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I came home from a funeral to find that my mother had cleaned my house. She thought it would be a good idea to put my toaster in the dishwasher to clean it. My toaster is fried, and she thinks everything's fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 568

You deserved it 240

Passive aggressive

By Anonymous - 16/02/2022 10:00

Today, I cleaned our whole house. I wasn’t expecting praise, it was just the house needed cleaning so I did it. I also wasn’t expecting my girlfriend to get mad at me for “cleaning everything as a form of passive aggressively criticising her for her not having cleaned the house either.” What? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 263

You deserved it 125

What's going on?

By Anonymous - 31/01/2025 09:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I wanted to surprise my girlfriend by cleaning the entire house while she was at work. I even lit incense to make it extra special. When she came home, she walked in, sniffed, and immediately accused me of "cheating or something" because "only guilt makes you clean this much." She also blamed me for adding more dust by burning incense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 97

See ya

By marriageblows - 22/01/2012 02:18 - United States

Today, I had the day off from work. I did all the chores hoping to free up time to spend with my husband tonight. When he came home, he looked around and decided that since there was no need for him to stick around and help clean, he'd head to the bar to watch the game with the guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 365

You deserved it 3 885

Ain't it funky

By Anonymous - 05/12/2011 00:40 - United States

Today, I cleaned my toilet. I had forgotten it was white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 241

You deserved it 49 216

Hell in a handbasket

By Anonymous - 24/02/2023 12:00

Today, I tried to help my community by cleaning up a patch of waste ground covered in litter. Instead of gratitude, I was reported to the cops and issued with fines for noise complaints, trespassing, causing a nuisance, littering, harming wildlife, and about 15 other offences. Screw this community. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 182

Clean

By Anonymous - 21/04/2022 22:00 - India - Hyderabad

Today, in the entire half-hour since my mother-in-law reached our home, she's inspected and criticised every aspect of our home, despite things being spot clean. And sermoned me non stop on how to "live". My husband still wonders why I don't want her visiting. It"s going to be a long two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 082

You deserved it 116

The smell detective is on the case

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 14:01 - Germany

Today, something smelled absolutely disgusting in the bathroom. Like cow shit and stinky beetles. I started sniffing around, because whatever it was, I had to find it and clean it up. That, however, proved difficult, because it turned out that smell was coming from the new soap my mom had bought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 525

You deserved it 198

Do it yourself, dickwad

By Anonymous - 01/05/2023 06:00 - Australia - Taren Point

Today, I've been bedridden with the flu for two weeks. My boyfriend only got concerned because I haven't done any laundry, and was worried about what the girls at the coffee shop across from work would think if he turned up wearing the same clothes two days in a row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 955

You deserved it 134

It's alive!

By Anonymous - 02/02/2023 00:00 - Germany

Today, I guess my mom didn't clean her toilet before going on vacation. That’s probably why it’s not only dirty, but the dirt has started to grow mould. Spoiler: She's been back from her trip for a while now, the toilet still looks that way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 107

Welcome home!

By inthesticks - 19/11/2016 06:21 - United States - Orlando

Today, I was cleaning off my couch so my nephew could crash here for a few nights. It's been so long since we've sat on it that it is now inhabited by rats we didn't know were in the house, including newly-born ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 624

You deserved it 6 573

Work work work work

By ghk - 26/09/2021 20:00

Today, I had my first day off in six months. My mother immediately came down to my room and demanded that I clean the entire house. As I was cleaning, she said, "You don’t get to relax. Ever. Lazy ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 579

You deserved it 121

Rip it up and start again

By Anonymous - 09/02/2022 02:00 - Germany - Norden

Today, after cleaning my mom’s bathroom, I wiped the molding strip along the wall so it was even. A quite precariously-hung potted plant thought that reason enough to fall right on top of me, spreading dirt over the entire room as well as my hair, my sweater, and the inside of my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 137

Gunk

By Middle Age Divorced Dad - 15/09/2023 20:00 - Canada - Stittsville

Today, I discovered the filter and drain thingy on my front end loader washing machine. I've had the machine for 7 years. I should've worn a gas mask cleaning it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 337

Red Forman's spirit lives on

By amber s - 18/10/2022 22:00

Today, my idiot son tried to load the dishwasher while the dishes inside were clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 588

You deserved it 404

Gunked up

By strokingitasitype - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Gander

Today, I cleaned my computer screen for the first time in ages. When I turned it on a few hours later, I spent an embarrassing amount of time trying to figure out why the brightness was suddenly so painfully high. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 743

You deserved it 28 034

Messy situation

By Need help - 16/11/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, my wife called me at work to yell at me because the house is a mess. She hasn't helped me clean in over two years, and when I ask for help, there's always a new excuse, headache, tired from work, stress, etc. FML

I agree, your life sucks 687

You deserved it 118

Freeze!

By Anonymous - 03/06/2024 06:00 - United States - Macon

Today, I was craving a cold Coke, so I grabbed one from the freezer where I had put it to chill quickly. As soon as I opened it, the can exploded all over me and the kitchen. I spent the next hour cleaning sticky residue off the floor, surrounding furniture, and even the ceiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 281

You deserved it 476

Home sweet home

By Anonymous - 07/06/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, my wife yelled at me for putting away her rain coat and two sweaters that were hanging on the back of chairs. Because, “I was about to do that!” My mistake. They had only been there for a week. Ah, marital bliss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 89

Accidentally?

By Anonymous - 24/06/2021 14:00

Today, my brother sprayed the entire kitchen, including all the dishes, with industrial strength spray adhesive, thinking it was disinfectant. I'm the one who got to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 81

Deadly cocktail

By blame the maid - 14/09/2020 02:02 - United States

Today, my very sheltered girlfriend decided to surprise me by cleaning our apartment. Although she grew up with housekeepers and maids, I thought it was common knowledge that you don’t try cleaning the bathroom with both bleach and ammonia. We still can’t go back inside our place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 690

You deserved it 185

Anger management

By Anonymous - 22/12/2021 05:01

Today, my husband started screaming at me about how I’d lost the mop, so he couldn’t mop the kitchen, and how the mess in the house is my fault since I got fired before Covid and "sit all day doing nothing" when I could be cleaning. Because job hunting during Covid is totally doing nothing all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 1 159

Drill sergeant

By Anonymous - 10/07/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, my wife said I shouldn't wash or iron the clothes, or do the dusting and vacuuming, because, I "don't do it correctly." Also my wife: "You don't do anything to help around here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 177

Choking over here

By JD. - 13/04/2021 00:30

Today, I made the horrible mistake of leaving my car windows cracked while at work. Not only is the exterior yellow due to the pollen, but so is the interior. I'm not allergic, but you can feel the pollen in the back of your throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 807

You deserved it 293

IT'S EVERYWHERE!!

By Anonymous - 25/06/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I spilled flour all over the floor and myself, and it took me eight billion years to clean up and there is still flour haunting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 189

Riled up

By Anonymous - 21/01/2024 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife blamed me for the washing machine breaking. When I told her it wasn’t me because I haven’t used it this week, she immediately changed direction and started blaming me for not doing enough around the house, which is utter bullshit. I know I do my share, I think she just wanted to fight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 639

You deserved it 151

Is your dad called Jordan?

By emily - 22/06/2026 00:00 - United States - Denver

Today, my dad insists I have to deep clean my bathroom multiple times a day, because in his words: “Once a day just isn’t cutting it.” I have depression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 104

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The Top

Today, my friend finally convinced me that if I picked up her cat it wouldn't scratch my eyes out. It peed on me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 868

You deserved it 4 155

Today, I found out that I have to work Christmas Day. There's no public transport running and taxis are triple fare. It'll cost me more getting to work than I'll actually earn during the shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 826

You deserved it 2 418

Today, I woke up to find the entire driver's side of my car wrecked. Front door, back door, front and rear bumper smashed to shit. A drunk driver had hit it the previous night and ran. Don't worry though, he stopped and left his insurance information. He keyed it into the undamaged side of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 068

You deserved it 2 722

Today, I found out I will be without a car for two weeks because my mother volunteered to let my grandparents use mine while theirs is being repaired. They've been in 4 accidents over the last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 982

You deserved it 420

Today, my insane mother refused to pick me up from school. Her reason was my “little brother” didn’t feel like going in the car. I got upset and snapped that her dog is not my brother when she tried to ground me. She won’t cook, clean, or take care of her family, all for that damn dog. I can’t wait to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 289

You deserved it 115

Today, I am five days postpartum and my sister came over to see me. After she refused to help me with dishes or do the laundry or grab dinner, I angrily asked why she even came. She replied, "Uh… to meet the baby? You're not entitled to my help, you know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 760