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Have you just experienced an FML moment?

Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Your instinct was right, because it’s good to laugh life off. Follow the instructions below, and if your story gets through the moderation process, it'll published in the next 24 hours or so.


    Remaining characters: 320

    Your story must start with “Today,” and end with “FML”. TXT language is forbidden and spelling mistakes hurt people’s eyeballs, so the use of either would result in the direct dismissal of your FML. Don’t use this space for discussions, advertising or spam, or for posting anything which isn’t an FML. Furthermore, it’s not possible to obtain badges by posting keywords, so stop believing things you’ve read on message boards. Don’t try reposting old FMLs, we’re not that daft.


    Please read our guidelines for posting

    Birds

    Sky the killer

    By omnomnom - 05/02/2011 00:29 - Canada

    Today, I bought a pretty blue parakeet to keep my parrot company, and named her Sky. I went to work a few hours later. When I came home that night, I found my parrot dead. There wasn't a huge mess to clean, though; Sky had already eaten half of his corpse. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 36 108
    You deserved it 8 057
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    New creepypasta just dropped

    By Anonymous - 25/06/2009 08:34 - United States

    Today, I was getting a pedicure when the woman sitting next to me asked the lady if she could take the skin she had scraped off my feet home to her birds, because "they love skin." She then described for 20 minutes how her birds love to sit on her when her sunburn is peeling and eat her skin. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 89 542
    You deserved it 4 388
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    Keywords

    Money Technology Work Relationships Horses Animals Jealousy Birds Embarrassing Relatable Transportation Cars Miscellaneous Photography Mysterious Neighbours Cute I need your advice Clothes Family Love Cops Abuse Kids NSFW Sex Intimacy Mental health Ironic Haircut
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    Today, the smoke detector in my bedroom malfunctioned and started going off while my cat was asleep on my shoulder. He panicked and deeply lacerated my nose with his claw as he ran off. Blood got everywhere, and to add insult to injury the unit has no removable battery and wouldn't turn off. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 9 706
    You deserved it 768
    Today, I made spaghetti bolognese for three people. Of those three people, only one got food poisoning. Me. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 14 386
    You deserved it 1 768
    Today, I came home from a four month stay in Africa, where I managed to avoid suffering any serious illness. Some hours after my first meal back at home, I got food poisoning. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 46 853
    You deserved it 3 889
    Today, a wild squirrel managed to get into my house. I can't see him… but I can hear him in the walls. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 29 163
    You deserved it 2 615
    Today, after a month of things going wrong in my life and finally getting better, I woke up refreshed and ready to face the day. Then, I fell down the stairs. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 617
    You deserved it 156
    Today, I have an excruciatingly sore throat due to chronic canker sores around my uvula. Every bite of food I swallow brings tears to my eyes. I had enough of dad calling me a wimp at dinner over it and shoved my food onto his plate. He's now faking allergies to food we've had for years, just to take the piss out of me. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 516
    You deserved it 119
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