Awkward

How did you not feel it?

By Anonymous - 15/06/2025 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I wore new trousers to work. As I walked to my desk, I noticed a weird damp patch near my zip. Panicking, I thought I'd pissed myself. I rushed to the bathroom, then figured out that it was the condensation from my lunch container, which was in my bag that I had on my lap during the bus ride to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 324

You deserved it 137

Stop staring!

By Anonymous - 15/06/2025 09:00 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, my 5-year-old told me that she'd learnt about gravity, then asked, “So when you fall down, is it because the Earth punched you?” I said yes, along with a giggle. Later at the supermarket, she tripped and screamed, “THE EARTH HIT ME AGAIN!” I was then reminded of high school when it felt like everyone was staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 405

Fireworks

By Anonymous - 15/06/2025 03:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I tried to microwave a leftover burrito. I forgot to remove the foil it was wrapped in. The microwave went into overdrive in a dramatic display of sparks, the fire alarm went off, and I had to convince the neighbors at my door not to evacuate their apartments. I still haven’t eaten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 631

New look, huh?

By Dave - 15/06/2025 00:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I tried a new beard trimmer that has a laser guide. I somehow set it too close to my skin and shaved a completely bald line straight through the middle of my beard. Now I look like a magician with a flesh mustache divider, or a bassist from a 90s nu-metal band. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 337

So, about that second date…

By Anonymous - 14/06/2025 09:00 - United States - Sacramento

Today, on a date, I told the guy I could swim. He suggested we race. I agreed to impress him. I jumped in, immediately panicked, inhaled water, and had to be helped out by a 10-year-old with floaties. He asked if I lied about anything else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 714

Chance encounter

By Anonymous - 12/06/2025 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at our local park and saw what I thought was my sister holding her baby. I walked up behind her, kissed her on the head, and said, “You’re such a good mum.” It was very much not my sister. It was a very confused and now probably traumatised stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154

You deserved it 554

It must be love

By Anonymous - 11/06/2025 15:00

Today, my girlfriend went through my phone and when she found nothing she accused me of having a secret second phone, and is tearing apart the house and both cars looking for a secret phone. I’ve been making calls so the cops and a locksmith are on their way, I need this bitch out of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 597

You deserved it 104

Don't look

By Anonymous - 10/06/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I realized I had accidentally swapped phones with my coworker. She now has access to my search history, which includes: "Can cats sense shame?", "Is it OK to eat expired hummus?" and “Why do I hate my coworkers so much?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 433

On the pull

By Anonymous - 09/06/2025 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, in a bar, I had to remind my brother that the bar was not open to the public, it was booked for a private party. Our family reunion in fact, so the girl he was “this close to pulling” was actually our Welsh cousin we’d never met before. He almost became a redneck stereotype. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 98

Overenthusiastic

By Anonymous - 09/06/2025 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I tried to pick my wife up and put her on the worktop for some oral fun, and when I say "tried" I mean I failed. My back spasmed for the first time in my life and I sort of threw her into the fridge door. I’m now in agony, she’s mad that I “think she’s fat”, and the fridge has a dent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 136

Never gonna let me live it down

By Taylor - 08/06/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, at work, I was making an appointment for an old lady who told me, "You look like a movie star!" I started to thank her when she followed up with, "Like that girl from the horror movie! Your black hair and pale skin makes you look scary! Oh, sorry…" with the coworker I hate the most sitting right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 87

Thanks, I hate it

By Rawr - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Switzerland

Today, my grandmother told me she would pay for me to get a nose job. I never thought there was a problem with my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 001

You deserved it 2 961

Lost

By Anonymous - 06/06/2025 20:00 - Canada

Today, I walked into the gym in my new workout outfit and headed straight for the weight machines. After 10 minutes, a staff member tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Sir, this is a physical therapy clinic.” The gym was next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 162

You deserved it 466

All you need is hate

By Anonymous - 06/06/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I was trying to flirt with a cute girl when I asked the barista, “Make mine just like hers.” It turns out she'd ordered a decaf soy lavender tea latte. I hate all of those words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 831

Watergate II: Pig in the City

By Anonymous - 06/06/2025 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned my hotel room had the shittiest blinds ever and that if you want true privacy you need to shut the curtains. I discovered this after three wives from the opposite windows complained I’d been flashing their husbands when I got out of the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 132

Seriously?

By Anonymous - 06/06/2025 03:00

Today, my husband got home on my birthday and told me he went overboard and bought a real expensive gift for his favourite girl. He then turned round and gave the real expensive gift to the girl in question, his 3 year-old niece. It’s not even her birthday. I got fuck all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 117

Loitering

By Anonymous - 05/06/2025 00:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I forgot my keys when going out. Now I have to wait at the door for my family, standing in the cold for half an hour. My phone is dying, and neighbors keep giving me pitying looks. It's so awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 191

You deserved it 335

Sticking with you

By Anonymous - 03/06/2025 15:00 - Syria

Today, I went on a volunteering trip with a team. We had only a pickup car for like 20 people, so 5 of us squeezed in the back seats while the rest hopped on the back. My knee got stuck right on another guy's crotch and it was impossible for us to change position. We stayed for 40 minutes like that, me feeling his penis the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 148

Never in public

By Red - 02/06/2025 15:00 - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a beautiful park. It would have been perfect if it wasn't for some fat incel recording it on his phone, yelling about how much of a douche my boyfriend is, and how I'm such a "Stacy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 92

Amazing idea, idiot

By Anonymous - 31/05/2025 22:00 - United States - Augusta

Today, my idiot redneck next door neighbor decided to throw an empty whipped cream spray can into a fire to watch it explode and scare half the neighborhood. That idiot redneck next door neighbor is also my 65 year-old dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 93

Call CPS?

By ToxicNeighbors - 31/05/2025 12:00 - Germany

Today, my neighbour is a doctor and has a 2 year-old son. He has a stomach infection and has been crying non stop day and night for a week now. The woman is not taking him to the hospital or giving him medicines, because it's "just diarrhea" and will "go away." The crying is driving me mad. I can't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 63

Dodged my bullet

By Lo. - This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff

Today, I went to see a movie with the girl I've liked for months. After the commercials, she told me she had to go to the ladies room. She never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 221

You deserved it 4 788

In this economy?

By Anonymous - 30/05/2025 03:00 - United Kingdom

Today, the good news is that my girlfriend is pregnant. The bad news is that twins run in her family. Worse, so do triplets, and I just recently lost my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388

You deserved it 189

Be careful what you wish for

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Frisco

Today, for the first time ever, one of my birthday wishes came true. I wished for my crush to come hang out with me, and she did. I wasted my birthday wish on an awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 826

You deserved it 3 422

Bet!

By Anonymous - 28/05/2025 15:00 - China - Wuhan

Today, I made a bet with my classmate that I would dare to play a weird song in front of the professor. I did, and as promised, she was supposed to give me $20, but she said it was just a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 209

You deserved it 358

Doggy drama

By Anonymous - 28/05/2025 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, three days after my dog gave birth to her puppies, she actually picked them up and brought them to me. I thought it meant she trusted me with them. Nope. She was saying, "Here, they’re your problem now" because she hasn’t let them near her since, even to feed them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 102

Squeamish

By Anonymous - 27/05/2025 20:00

Today, and ever since I gave birth, my husband hasn’t wanted to touch me because according to him, he "saw it all coming out down there, blood and mucus and stuff. They had to sew back together" and he can’t handle "putting his penis back in there." The birth was six months ago, I'm back to normal now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 567

You deserved it 104

You're not supposed to eat it

By Anonymous - 26/05/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I used sunscreen on my face. Said sunscreen was expired and I had an allergic reaction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 128

Emotional

By Alisha Marie - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He went outside for a "breather" and never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 386

You deserved it 9 187

My name is…

By Unnoticed - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - Australia - Thornlie

Today, my colleague introduced herself and said, "I know how nerve-racking first days are!" Which is nice of her, except I've been at this company longer than she has. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 483

You deserved it 383

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Relatable Health Awkward Growing old Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Cheating Parents Love Break-ups Weird Annoying Summer Gross Smells Work Kids Scams Money Weddings Bodyshaming Friends My ex Mysterious AITA Social Media Family Teenagers Capitalism Food

The Top

Today, my girlfriend cornered me and asked if I'm gay. I said no and asked why she even had any doubts. Apparently me being depressed and crying over my grandmother's death is "faggish" and means I want to have sex with men. Who knew? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 705

You deserved it 1 939

Today, my boss claimed that I've been lying to get days off because apparently nobody can be so unlucky as to have three family members die within a month. I'm just that unlucky, and suspended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 718

You deserved it 2 833

Today, my elbow was having cramps and movement issues as a result of an old set of surgical pins and wires that are being rejected by my body. One painful twitch caused my arm to lock out straight, unintentionally slapping my hand into my co-worker's crotch. Our waiting customers giggled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 000

You deserved it 2 023

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 728

You deserved it 7 170

Today, I took my date home for sex after quite a long dry spell. As he took off his shoes, I was hit right in the nose by the most disgusting foot odour I've ever encountered. It was so bad I forgot all about sex and threw him out. That was 3 hours ago and I can still smell it on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 203

You deserved it 545

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents. We've been dating for almost 5 months and are extremely in love. His mom basically said to me, "I want what’s best for my son and you aren’t it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 024

You deserved it 157