Animals

By queerdragon - 26/02/2016 04:32 - United States - Redlands

Today, a friend located my stolen dog. It was sold to a family that has an autistic child. I was told by the police that I could have my dog back, but they think I am a terrible person if I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 581

You deserved it 1 762

queerdragon tells us more.

queerdragon 20

Friday 26 February 2016 21:50

I did take my dog back. I have had Riot for three years, so he is a big part of my family. I have also started boarding him during the day or leaving him with a family member/friend. I am moving in a few weeks so hopefully, this won't be an issue that pops up again. Chip your dogs. It is a lifesaver. While I understand where the police officer was coming from (he has an autistic child) you don't sell a family member. Dogs have always been family to me. The kind of awkward part was the mother started crying, asking to buy Riot from me. She said he was so well behaved and they needed something to help their kid. She then kind of demanded I let her son come over to my house to play with Riot when he wanted to. I guess so she could tell her son that Riot was still his, but that he was just living with someone else. I told her no and said I didn't want to have contact with her again. She got mad. I don't think I left looking like a saint, but I am glad to have my dog back.

By maggotsinmycarpet - 12/07/2010 20:56 - United States

Today, I was cleaning my room when I found a nice surprise from my cat. While I was on vacation, she killed a mouse. By the time I found it, there were maggots crawling in my carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 526

You deserved it 5 126

By thatsnotacat - 21/11/2013 17:52 - Australia - West End

Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 555

You deserved it 3 365

Random

By cats before idiots - 25/04/2019 18:00

Today, I brought my boyfriend to my house for the first time. He freaked out when he saw my cat, and had to leave because he's allergic. I've posted many pictures of my cat in Instagram, but he didn't say anything about his allergy because he thought it was just a random cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 447

You deserved it 296

I ain't no hollaback girl

By Anonymous - 03/05/2025 12:00 - United States - Newark

Today, I was walking my dog when a car slowed down, and a guy leaned out of the window, then yelled, "Hey, nice dog!" Naturally, I turned to reply, "Thank you!" only to find that the guy had no intention of complimenting me at all. He had been talking to the dog the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 236

Soggy mess

By Anonymous - 30/08/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I managed to wash my phone with my laundry. I didn’t realize it was in my jeans until I heard a thudding noise. After rescuing it from the depths of soggy clothes, I tried the rice trick to dry it out. A few hours later, my cat thought it was a new litter tray and promptly pissed in the rice, then spread it all over the counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 238

Out of reach

By Yudith - 05/05/2025 15:00 - Canada - Montreal

Today, my male cat's cone is slightly bigger than his sister's. That means when he eats, the food keeps falling off his raised plate, he can barely reach it when it's on the floor, it passes his mouth to go under his chin, etc. He has to wear the damn thing for two weeks. On his behalf, FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 128

By MisUnFortunate - 16/12/2014 18:42 - United States - Stevenson

Today, I woke up to the lovely sounds of goats having escaped their pen and climbed onto the roof. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 288

You deserved it 3 363

MisUnFortunate tells us more.

MisUnFortunate 31

Saturday 20 December 2014 8:14

Hi, I posted this FML. So the goats have escaped their pen and climbed onto the shed roof, don't ask me how because I have no idea. They also attack the watchdog we got specifically to watch them. Poor guy. If my mom didn't like having goats so much I'd have already sacrificed them to Satan, believe me.

Spray it

By GoldenShower - 25/06/2009 10:17 - United States

Today, I was awoken by my son squirting liquid on me from a bottle. We have a high deer population in our area, so I spray urine contained in black bottle on my plants to help deter the deer from eating them. I also water my flowers with water from a blue bottle. My son used the black one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 986

You deserved it 8 099

Sympathetic

By Sorry kitty - 14/05/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I was sick during the night and had to puke. I had no bucket or trashcan nearby, so I ended up puking on the floor. However, because it was so dark, I didn't notice my cat lying in the exact spot where I puked. She was not amused, giving me the mother of all death glares before she started puking herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 157

Good boy

By akasoor - 11/02/2013 01:51 - Canada - Hythe

Today, I went to the local pet store to purchase a large dog bed so my dog wouldn't sleep in mine. After I got home and set up her bed, I realized I forgot to buy dog treats. When I came home again, her new bed was torn to shreds, and she was still sleeping on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 352

You deserved it 5 974

Precision strike

By Zodiacfall - 27/10/2019 02:00

Today, I replaced my bedsheets with new, clean ones. I went to the bathroom to wash up, and when I came back, my cat had peed exactly where my head would be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 616

You deserved it 246

By lifelike - 29/10/2012 04:23 - United States - Oroville

Today, after weeks of wondering if my cat has a fetish for licking my bed covers, I finally witnessed him licking up an ant off of the covers. Turns out that my bed is infested with ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 890

You deserved it 5 390

By Anonymous - 01/09/2012 23:15 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, a dog attacked me. Its owner, instead of apologizing and helping me, said it was my own fault for making it think I was an attacker by running past them. We were on a jogging track. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 786

You deserved it 1 983

Good boy

By hypocrites!! - 30/08/2023 10:00

Today, I was given an ultimatum; either get rid of my beloved dog who’s my literal only source of happiness, or find a new place to live (which I can’t afford). My asshole neighbors keep complaining about my sweet boy’s barking, meanwhile their bratty bastards are 10 times louder. It’s not fair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 709

You deserved it 540

Tasty treat

By NotIcing - 22/07/2026 09:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I was eating a donut and watching TV with my cat. I saw a dark glob on my shirt and ate it, thinking it was dropped icing. It was my cat's earwax. Disgusted, I ran to the bathroom and tried to rinse with hydrogen peroxide. I sprayed it in my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 450

Adding insult to injury

By Fly my pretty, FLY! - 24/09/2023 20:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, my mom's super spoiled small demon dog attacked my 3 year-old daughter, mauling her leg. Out of instinct, I kicked it away, causing it to fly across the room yelping. I picked up my daughter and took her straight to the hospital, where she got stitches. Later that night, I was greeted with a vet bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 164

You deserved it 163

This means war

By Anonymous - 24/12/2023 22:00 - United States - New York

Today, after I spent the evening at a girl's house that I'm seeing, I woke in the morning and put my pants on to leave, only to have her dog's poop roll out of the leg of my pants. This wouldn't be so bad if last week the same dog hadn't left the same treat right where I step when getting out of bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 158

By stixx - 25/10/2009 17:18 - United States

Today, I got a new cat. I tried to reenact the opening scene from Lion King, where in Simba gets held up for everyone to see. The fan was on when I lifted my cat up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 703

You deserved it 75 576

By chi-huaHUA - 04/12/2010 07:08 - United States

Today, I walked outside to see my friend frantically waving and running at me, yelling something I couldn't understand. I smiled and started to jog over to him until I realized he was screaming "RUN!!!" We spent the next 10 minutes running from his neighbor's 5 vicious chihuahuas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 182

You deserved it 6 765

The poop delivery lady

By Why Me - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my neighbor finally decided that when she walks her dog, she should pick up his poop. She also decided to leave the poop-filled bags in my driveway. I confronted her about this and she claimed it's never happened. I've watched her multiple times from my front window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 497

You deserved it 2 863

No pain, no gain

By Anonymous - 30/07/2013 23:19 - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, I took a run in the woods. Almost halfway through, I started to feel like I was going to faint. I was so dizzy that my sight was getting blurry. I went to sit down on what seemed like a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a huge snapping turtle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 582

You deserved it 6 107

Bad boy

By Dammit - 01/06/2023 00:02 - United States

Today, knowing very well that I need to be more active, I went for a walk. It quickly turned into a sprint when I was attacked and chased by a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 767

You deserved it 118

By scratchpost - 28/10/2010 12:07 - United States

Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 944

You deserved it 4 630

Who goes there?

By dontbadouche - 01/02/2010 13:45 - Senegal

Today, I heard the sound of footsteps in the basement. Thinking it was burglars I grabbed a baseball bat and hurried down the stairs. I then tripped on the stairs, fell down them and smacked my head on the bat. The sound of footsteps I heard? It was my cat playing in some cardboard boxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 767

You deserved it 7 285

Teamwork

By Ash_U - 19/08/2017 16:00

Today, I had to dig through my dog's poop again because I thought I saw a worm, but it was just the remains of the paper towels my husband leaves all over the house. My efforts to make them both stop have obviously fallen on deaf ears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 450

You deserved it 364

Strange domestic arrangement

By Mike - 24/05/2021 13:59

Today, because I wanted to let my cat have his breakfast before I used the bathroom, which is also his dining room, I learned that when your day starts with shitting your pants, things can only get better from there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 975

By Xtrafresh - 30/08/2016 16:42 - Netherlands

Today, after missing my flight and being stuck on the other side of the globe, I received a call telling me that the "male, neutered" kitten I adopted 7 months ago is now pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 480

You deserved it 1 413

Xtrafresh tells us more.

Xtrafresh 7

Thursday 1 September 2016 0:03

Oh hi, OP here with much desired answers its seems. I adopted the cat from the local vet/asylum. They gave it to me as male and neutered. Even in the store I spotted it was most probably a she, but I didn't want to make a fuss and didn't care. I named her Violet, and she has a little brother named Dash. Kudos to whomever gets the reference. The big surprise for me was that not only did the vet **** up the gender, they also got the neutered part wrong.