Self defence
Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat to take him to the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML
Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat to take him to the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML
Today, I woke up with viral pink eye in both eyes. I work at a daycare and half the staff got it. We live in a state where there's mandatory sick time for all employees but people still take their sick kids to daycare. It's been a month of pink eye in my facility and I feel like it's never going to stop. FML
Today, I slipped and fell on a sudden patch of ice, on a road that had been completely fine until then, so I decided to push my bike past the icy patch before getting back on. Little did I know, the ice continued for the entire rest of the road, which was another 3km. FML
Today, I was trying to get some sewing done and learned that the absolute least efficient way of realizing a project with lots of moving parts is to have either a toddler or a fun-loving pet see what you’re doing and decide to “help” with this exciting venture. FML
Today, our school won third prize for a project about inclusion. At the fancy reception, none of our students got included in anything, though. They didn’t manage to talk to people from any other school, because everyone else was busy staring at their phones. FML
Today, out of curiosity, I took an online test to see if I have ADHD. Halfway through, I got so distracted and bored that I gave up. I guess I know the answer then… FML
Today, I took my driver's test, whereby I forgot everything, panicked, and closed my eyes while yelling, "Jesus take the wheel!" FML
Today, my grandmother is shocked that literally all of her kids and grandkids have mental handicaps. She won't admit it's because her and my grandfather are first cousins, and is claiming instead it's, "because of gluten." FML
Today, I was in a public restroom taking a dump. It's difficult for me to do it in public, so to make it easier I kept telling myself, "Nobody's here, you're all alone." I then heard, "No, you're not." I didn't realize I was saying it out loud, or that I wasn't alone. FML
Today, it's been two months since I started dating a woman I met at work after she had found out her boyfriend cheated on her. She confessed to me she only looked through his phone to find evidence so she wouldn’t feel bad for liking me. I was happy as can be for two months. Now she’s now going back to her ex. We all see each other every Sunday. FML
Today, I got trapped in the disabled toilet. When no one responded to knocking and shouting, I pulled the red cord. It still took a member of staff over half an hour to respond because he’d never heard that alarm before, and had to ring his manager to ask what it was. FML
Today, I realized that I love my child's school resource officer and not the man that fathered my children. I don't know what to do about this. My oldest child can't stand his father and looks up to the school resource officer, while my youngest loves them both. I don't know what to do without hurting someone. FML
Today, I found out my father sleeps in the nude, when I rushed into my parents room at night to inform them there was a bat in the house. I’m traumatized. FML
Today, it's been two weeks since someone walked into a bank in another province and showing only an RV receipt had 40k wired from my account. I notified them immediately, and was told to call back later. Then I was told it wasn't fraud, it was done in person. I will get the money back but unfortunately that's only the start… FML
Middle Age Divorced Dad tells us more.
So it turns out anyone with a Canadian's name, address, date of birth and the ability to make an educated guess can get that person's credit report. Using my credit report they found out I had a line of credit. I haven't used this line of credit in over 7 years and my bank card for it was deactivated. The bank however did have my current phone number and signature. I'm not sure how they didn't think to validate either. After spending an entire day dealing with the bank they admitted that they didn't follow their procedures, that it really was their fault and that they would launch an investigation. The next day the bank fraud department called me and asked me to identify myself by answering some questions. I might have gone to far at this point. I was not the most polite. I explained that they were calling me and that they shouldn't be asking me personal questions when they haven't proven they really are the bank. The lady on the phone was clueless as to why I would be asking here to prove she was from the bank. In the end she couldn't prove she was really from the bank and I hung up. I should point out that this bank regularly tells people they will not call customers and ask for personal information. It then took me 3 hours on hold to get back in touch with a person a the fraud department. The banks "investigation" involved asking me questions from a script. Other than where was I at the time of the incident all the questions were irrelevant to the what had happened. The Bank in question is CIBC The credit bureau that leaked my credit report was Equifax Transunion, the other credit bureau, in my opinion, has far better data but uses dark patterns to fraudulently get people to signup for services they don't need.
Today, I had been sick all day, so to cheer me up my dad drove me to get ice cream. On our way back, we hit a puppy. FML
Today, I saw the girl I like had posted a status on Facebook, saying, “I’m sick of being lonely, why don’t any guys wanna date me?! I think I’m gonna spend my life alone.” I asked her out once and she turned me down. When I commented this fact on her post proving her statement untrue, she blocked me. FML
Today, my parents were out and about, leaving me alone in the house. They said they would leave some lunch for me. I couldn't find it. After telling them when they got home, my mom got huffy and showed me that it was in a place I would have never thought to look. She then got even more mad when I was annoyed by this. FML
Today, I was fired for having a haircut that was 'inappropriate for the workplace'. I have alopecia. My boss told me to stop making up excuses. FML
Today, I brought my Tinder date back to my house to cook for her. I made her gnocchi, because she had never had it before. She forgot to tell me she was lactose intolerant, and proceeded to spend the next 30 minutes violently and loudly shitting. I poisoned my date. FML
Today, I'd finally got home from a 15-hour shift at work and wanted to lay down and eat. I poured myself a bowl of cereal, went to my room, and sat it on my bed. My dog then jumped right on my bed and yanked the sheets off, causing the cereal to fly everywhere. FML
Today, I found out that the word "segue" is pronounced like the "Segway" brand. Unfortunately, I found this out as I was giving a speech, which someone interrupted to correct me. I'm a 41 year-old salesman. FML
Today, I finally got to take the bus to the store on this icy cold day. I got there at 1 pm and found it closed. Their website said they'd open late at 10 am. Then, I missed a bus home and had to walk back in the ice and sludge. I slipped, fell on my ass, and my shoes and socks got soaked in dirty ice water. FML
Today, I found my daughter on Facebook after years of looking for her after the divorce. It turns out it was my ex pretending to be my daughter so she could track me down. FML
Today, my boyfriend blew half of the money we'd saved for a vacation on a fancy new camera. His reasoning? "Loads of YouTubers are quitting YouTube, there's money to be made." FML
Today, I got kicked out of an Uber for "smelling bad." FML
Today, I saw my brother for the first time since he needed to get half of his foot amputated. When I asked how he was adjusting, he proudly informed me that it hasn’t had any negative effects on his sex life. Not at all what I was referring to, but thanks for the info, I guess. FML
Today, my husband and I woke up to see my drunk mother passed out on our couch. She was wearing nothing but socks. FML
Today, is the second time this week that school is delayed because of snow or "extreme ice." It's like we're Texas now, they get 2 inches of snow and the whole state gets shut down, but no, I live in Rhode Island. I gotta go to work. FML
Today, while taking a test in my online class, my sister unexpectedly showed up. She panicked when she realized what I was doing, as the class has a strict rule of being 100% alone during tests. I assured her that because she wasn't helping me to cheat, it would be fine. Turns out it wasn't fine, as I got a zero. FML
Today, I had to deal with my baby daddy, who I currently live with and was in a relationship with (but not anymore after today) cursed me out after someone who works for the county came to our home and served him papers. Mind you he’s been speaking on the phone with this person, and told them he would be home. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thank you, your FML was submitted, and will appear the moderation soon!