Anonymous · 17 August 2024, 22:00 ·Bristol, United States

Never forget

Today, after my parent's forgot my 16th birthday, then rescheduled for two weeks later and forgot, fast forward to my 36th. My father, my husband, and my teen kids all forgot. I was told to relax and that they would make a cake, etc. No cake was made. Mom got me a food gift that I'm allergic to. It's been a few days. Forgotten again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 660 You deserved it 138

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You asked... · 17 August 2024, 20:00 ·United States

Don't hold back

Today, a friend of mine asked me to proofread her essay. "Don't hold back," she said. I took a look at it. It looked like it was written by a third grader, and she's in college. After spending a huge amount of time marking all of her mistakes, I gave it back. She got upset at me for being "extremely critical." FML

I agree, your life sucks 533 You deserved it 86

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff ·Auckland, New Zealand

Hey how are you?

Today, I came home early to surprise my wife. No, it's not what you're thinking: I didn't find her cheating on me. She wasn't even home, but my dad was. He'd used his spare key and was on my sofa, drinking my beer, and watching my TV. The first words out of his mouth? "Your beer's shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 264 You deserved it 4 375

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gus98 · 17 August 2024, 16:00 ·Los Angeles, United States

And you may ask yourself, "Where is that large automobile?"

Today, I went outside and walked to my car, only to see someone had hit and run my car while it was parked. My insurance company deemed my car a total loss. The person who did this never got caught. FML

I agree, your life sucks 496 You deserved it 99

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Anonymous · 17 August 2024, 12:00 ·Stockton, United States

Ill prepared

Today, I have a friend who I’m scared is going to become a nurse. She didn’t even know that morning sickness can last all day and that “morning” sickness is just its name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 382 You deserved it 151

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Anonymous · 17 August 2024, 09:00 ·Kamloops, Canada

It's a gas gas gas

Today, my pug farted so much that I thought there was an actual gas leak. I kept checking the oven and making sure our C02 detector had batteries before I heard a squeaky fart come from my dog. Don't get a pug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 185 You deserved it 346

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Anonymous · 17 August 2024, 06:00 ·United Kingdom

All heil!

Today, my company released its yearly magazine and I was in the background of a picture directing men around the site. It was the worst photograph I’ve ever seen. It managed to make me look like Hitler with an exposed belly, including the moustache and the salute, and I don’t even have a moustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422 You deserved it 118

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Serire · This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff ·Monroe, United States

It's probably for the best

Today, my boyfriend couldn't go on a date with me because his mom said no. He's 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 599 You deserved it 5 319

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@SamAnderson · 17 August 2024, 00:00 ·United States

Kinda bizarre

Today, my 17 year-old son has been using his phone on the toilet. Every time he poops, he takes his phone to the bathroom. Why does he need his phone to use the bathroom? He uses the toilet with his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 You deserved it 605

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Anonymous · 16 August 2024, 22:00 ·India

Meddling

Today, after I tried to help my friend bust his cheating girlfriend, he seems to still trust her, so now my office friends think I'm a bigmouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348 You deserved it 187

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Anonymous · 16 August 2024, 20:00 ·United States

Oddly specific

Today, while planning for my wedding, I can’t stop thinking about my ex. He is my "one", and it’s still so hard to move on. Now I’m marrying someone for stability for my kids, not love, and it is the worst feeling. My heart will forever be in Harrisonville Missouri. He deserves the world, not Texas rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 You deserved it 1 206

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christine brown · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·United States

Back 2 school

Today, I got suspended for bringing a "hazardous weapon" to school. They were earrings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 129 You deserved it 3 809

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Anonymous · 16 August 2024, 16:00 ·Canada

Bad boy

Today, I was walking my dog when we passed by a group of teenagers. My social anxiety urged me to appear like a cool, confident adult, so I threw a stick for my dog to fetch, expecting him to dash off as usual. Instead, he sat down and stared at me like I was crazy. One of the kids said, “He’s got more sense than you.” My dog barked in agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137 You deserved it 452

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Anonymous · 16 August 2024, 14:00 ·Roseburg, United States

Extra protein

Today, I cooked pork chops on my wok that had been hanging on the pot hangers without rinsing it off. Just when I was about to eat, I saw a fried up spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 You deserved it 553

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Mommys boy · 16 August 2024, 12:00 ·Australia

Play that Blink 182 song

Today, I got a text from a number I didn’t recognize that said, "I miss you." Assuming it was my mom and her new phone, I replied, "Miss you too, love you!" Turns out it was my new boss, checking to see if I’d be able to work an extra shift. Even though it was her text that was badly worded, I'm now known as the person who declared her love to the boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200 You deserved it 409

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Anonymous · 16 August 2024, 09:00 ·United Kingdom

Is everything OK?

Today, my son was so hungover at his wedding that he fell asleep standing at the altar and fell over onto his pregnant wife, knocking her backwards onto the floor. What should have been a happy occasion turned into a farce as we rushed her to hospital to check the baby was OK. FML

I agree, your life sucks 529 You deserved it 136

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Anonymous · 16 August 2024, 06:00 ·Windsor, Canada

Brain fog

Today, I walked out of the grocery store, loaded my bags into my car, then sat in the driver’s seat. I tried to start the engine, but the key wouldn’t turn. That’s when I noticed the child’s seat in the back, which I don’t have. I was in the wrong car, and the owner was standing outside, laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438 You deserved it 210

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eventer1919 · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·Rice Lake, United States

Teamwork

Today, I was asked to cover work for someone because they have volleyball practice. Apparently, they haven't noticed that we've been on the same team for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 433 You deserved it 1 893

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YoungBlood · 16 August 2024, 00:00 ·Australia

Age gap

Today, I found out that when my mum had introduced me to her boyfriend, it was right before his birthday, so she'd rounded his age up. For two years I thought he was seven and a half years older than me, when really he's actually six and a half years older. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173 You deserved it 377

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Anonymous · 15 August 2024, 22:00 ·United States

Not woke

Today, I was woken up by my phone alarm blaring at full volume. I grabbed it to hit snooze, but in my half-asleep state, I accidentally threw it across the room. It hit the wall, bounced off, and landed in my fish tank. My fish is fine. My phone is not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113 You deserved it 581

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anon · 15 August 2024, 20:00 ·United States

Are you OK?

Today, my phone rang during a meeting. I quickly silenced it, and put it in my pocket. A few minutes later, my boss’s phone rang. It was me, butt-dialing him while we were sitting in the same room. He answered and asked if I had something urgent to discuss. I did not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 185 You deserved it 420

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grossedout · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United States

Say it, don't spray it

Today, I was helping an old lady at my job. While I was in mid-sentence, she coughed wet phlegm directly into my mouth. It tasted vile and caused me to have a panic attack while working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 439 You deserved it 3 133

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Neill · 15 August 2024, 16:00 ·United States

Like spinning plates

Today, my ex-girlfriend broke up with me once again after getting back together for two weeks. Just two weeks earlier, I was seeing a girl. I'd ended things with her to mend things with my ex. I hit the girl up on Facebook to ask her out. She now has a boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 You deserved it 1 044

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Anonymous · 15 August 2024, 14:00 ·United States

Thanks, I think?

Today, I received a package at work. Thinking it was something I ordered, I opened it in front of my coworkers. It was a gift from my grandmother: a giant pink, “I Love My Grandson” T-shirt. The worst part? They insisted I put it on and take a picture to send to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334 You deserved it 308

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Anonymous · 15 August 2024, 12:00 ·United States

Desperate

Today, I wish there were easier ways to make money online. I can’t bring myself to do OnlyFans or things of that nature, but I’m getting desperate. My mother only helps my male sibling, as I should just have all my shit together because I’m a woman. I don't know what the fuck to do. I’m in a workers' compensation case with no pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468 You deserved it 143

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JulieFromMars · 15 August 2024, 09:00 ·Galway, Ireland

Haste

Today, I was running late for work and I was carrying my stuff to my car, handbag over my shoulder, laptop in one hand, and my coffee in the other. As I tried to unlock my car, I spilt the coffee all over myself, the car, and my laptop. Now, I’m sticky, wet, and my laptop won't turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331 You deserved it 275

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Anonymous · 15 August 2024, 06:00 ·Portland, United States

Attempted good deed

Today, I saw a woman who I thought was pregnant on the bus. Trying to be nice, I offered her my seat and congratulated her. She wasn't pregnant, just holding a large bag of groceries. The entire bus heard me and the death glare she gave could’ve turned me to stone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151 You deserved it 533

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pissed · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Get out

Today, I got offered an interview for a job after months of unemployment. It's a three-month contract, three hours away from where we live. My boyfriend's reaction was to tell me to move out and take our hamster with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 338 You deserved it 1 255

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Anonymous · 15 August 2024, 00:00

I'm woke now

Today, my cat woke me up a few minutes before my alarm, so I got up, had a pee, brushed my teeth, got dressed, went downstairs and fed her, started to make a coffee, and glanced at my phone clock. IT'S ONLY 01:30 IN THE FRICKING MORNING, MY ALARM DOESN’T GO OFF FOR ANOTHER 5 HOURS! DAMN CAT! FML

I agree, your life sucks 224 You deserved it 509

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Anonymous · 14 August 2024, 22:00 ·Darwin, Australia

This is fine

Today, during a silent exam, my stomach made the loudest, most embarrassing growling noise possible. It was so loud that the professor looked up and some people in the room turned to look at me. The girl next to me offered me a granola bar, and I accepted, even though the growl was actually me desperately holding in a fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 471 You deserved it 116

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