Anonymous · 16 November 2024, 03:00 ·Denver, United States

It's like high school all over again

Today, at work, I'm supervising one person. Recently there's been tension between her and a couple of other coworkers, one of which was her friend. I spent the day running around and trying to smooth things over, just to find out what started this was her walking in on her former friend talking about her behind her back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349 You deserved it 107

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Anonymous · 16 November 2024, 00:00 ·Ireland

Early warning

Today, my dog started barking at literally nothing in the middle of the night. I spent 15 minutes convinced there was a ghost or something in my house, only to realize she was barking at her own shadow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319 You deserved it 134

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Anonymous · 15 November 2024, 22:00 ·Tulsa, United States

Gunged

Today, on my way home, a truck driver was speeding next to me and as he passed I saw his truck was the kind that takes livestock to be butchered. I was thinking that I didn’t look to see if there were animals in there. Suddenly, brown items hit my windshield. Yes, it didn’t "hit the fan," it hit my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360 You deserved it 93

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Sam · 15 November 2024, 20:00 ·Salt Lake City, United States

LET ME IN!

Today, my cat somehow managed to lock me out of my apartment by jumping on the doorknob while I was taking the trash out. I had to call a locksmith, and now it's like my cat won't even come near at me, like I betrayed him for allowing a stranger into our home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327 You deserved it 146

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wormiformed · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·New Zealand

Not gonna happen

Today, I had an emergency appendectomy, so I texted my boss to let him know about the situation. He replied that it'd be good for my continued employment prospects if I came into work tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 397 You deserved it 1 604

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Anonymous · 15 November 2024, 15:00 ·South Africa

Backhanded

Today, I miss someone I shouldn’t. Someone who made me feel like complete shit, but I hope they're happy wherever they are, and they take care of themselves. I hope they heal with their family. I hope they are good and things workout for them. That they realise how awful they were and finally change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 193 You deserved it 409

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Anonymous · 15 November 2024, 12:00 ·Toronto, Canada

Lucky or what?

Today, I put on what I thought was my "lucky" sweater for a job interview. Halfway there, I noticed my reflection in a car window and realized it was covered in cat hairs of various colors and a faded spaghetti stain from last week that apparently hadn't come out in the wash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 118 You deserved it 554

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Lost Reggie · 15 November 2024, 09:00 ·Vilonia, United States

Snap

Today, I was at work, eating coleslaw of all things, and my tooth broke in half. Diagonally. The bottom half fell out into my coleslaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438 You deserved it 78

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Pizza-less · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·United States

Losing streak

Today, my best friend and I were playing Call of Duty when he said he had to go to the bathroom. Curious, I checked his phone. A text message read, "Tell your friend you're going to the bathroom and come eat. Pizza is here" from his dad. Apparently, I'm not good enough to feed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 146 You deserved it 8 186

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Rob · 15 November 2024, 03:00 ·United States

Going down

Today, I tried to strike up a conversation with someone in an elevator by commenting on the "beautiful view." We were in a windowless elevator, heading for the basement parking lot. I then had to try and appear less psychotic to avoid freaking them out even more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 You deserved it 534

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Anonymous · 15 November 2024, 00:00 ·United Kingdom

Arseholes

Today, it was dad’s funeral and I intended to speak but I was crying so much I couldn’t finish and mom had to help me back to my seat. Unfortunately, most of our family are arseholes and I could hear someone saying, “Disgraceful, shaming his dad like that.” It was the worst day of my entire life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 746 You deserved it 120

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Anonymous · 14 November 2024, 22:00 ·Darwin, Australia

Never going back

Today, I had to awkwardly stand next to my ex in a grocery store because our self-checkout machines froze at the same time. Our break up was quite acrimonious so we both tried to play it cool while the attendant came to fix them. They took their fucking time as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393 You deserved it 119

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anon · 14 November 2024, 20:00 ·Myrtle Beach, United States

Motivation

Today, I felt motivated to eat healthier, so I bought a bunch of vegetables. When I got home, I ordered some Burger King, all because I didn’t want to "waste the vegetables by cooking them wrong." Now the veggies are inevitably going bad in the fridge while I wait for my delivery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 You deserved it 745

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Grimmy · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff ·Brunswick, United States

Crack wars

Today, after asking my hubby for what seems the millionth time to stop shoving his finger into my bum crack, I thought it would be funny to give him a taste of his own medicine by doing it to him. Right as my finger was in his crack, he let loose a huge fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 163 You deserved it 10 173

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Anonymous · 14 November 2024, 15:00 ·Zapopan, Mexico

Power shortage

Today, on vacation with family, the power goes off in the middle of the night. I wake up as the A/C starts dripping on my head. No air, wet pillow, can't sleep, but I decide to tough it out until morning rather than wake everyone. In the morning, I discovered my sister had hit the breaker because she couldn't find the light switch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 463 You deserved it 100

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Can I have some sleep? · 14 November 2024, 12:00 ·London, United Kingdom

Leave me alone!

Today, I texted my mom and had to explain to her that calling me repeatedly at 2 a.m. because you're bored and want to talk is not really a good idea. Seriously, nothing happened, she just wanted to chat because she had nothing else to do. Her response to my message? She started calling me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457 You deserved it 98

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Anonymous · 14 November 2024, 09:00 ·United States

Triggered

Today, I finally decided to tell my partner that I was sexually harassed by another guy in high school. When I got to the point, she rolled her eyes, stopped me and said, "Why can't you just tell me something nice? I don't want to hear about it, it's triggering me." Well, thanks for your attention, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 582 You deserved it 121

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whyme27 · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·South Bend, United States

Privacy

Today, I was talking on the phone to my crush so I went into the bathroom for some privacy. My drunk mother started banging on the door, asking what I was doing in there. I told her that I was on the phone, so she yelled super loud, "While you're shitting?" He immediately hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 971 You deserved it 4 493

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Anonymous · 14 November 2024, 03:00

Doghouse

Today, my girlfriend’s mom just got engaged to her boyfriend and he claimed it was me that inspired him to ask her. My girlfriend hates him, so to say I’m in the doghouse is an understatement, I’m lucky to still be in the garden, never mind the doghouse, and I have no idea what I did to inspire him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394 You deserved it 77

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Anonymous · 14 November 2024, 00:00 ·United States

Don't believe the hype

Today, I was hyping myself up to work out after weeks of being a lazy slob. I slapped my workout gear on, got my Spotify playlist ready, and just as I was about to start, my friend texted me asking if I wanted pizza. I’m now in my workout clothes, eating pizza on his couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99 You deserved it 517

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Louis · 13 November 2024, 22:00 ·Australia

It's all so quiet…

Today, I finally felt brave enough to sing karaoke in public. I was halfway through the song when the restaurant’s power went out, leaving me singing my heart out in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367 You deserved it 120

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Anonymous · 13 November 2024, 20:00 ·United States

Mommy's bravest boy

Today, my ex broke up with me because his mom didn't like me. He was visiting me across the country at the time, and still had a few days left. He had the audacity to still ask to sleep with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 551 You deserved it 81

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Dani_Rich · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Double down

Today, I was pulled over by a motorcycle cop for speeding in a 25 MPH zone. As the cop was walking towards my car, I flicked my cigarette butt out of my window. So, the cop did me the pleasure of writing me two tickets instead of one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 040 You deserved it 174 652

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Anonymous · 13 November 2024, 16:00 ·Montréal, Canada

The staircase

Today, the elevator at work was taking forever so I decided to make a change and take the stairs instead. I slipped on the second step and spent the next few minutes laying there as people asked if I was OK. My pride is bruised… as well as my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377 You deserved it 121

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Terry J · 13 November 2024, 14:00 ·Manchester, United States

Computer says no

Today, I was trying to be a responsible adult and check my credit score. I accidentally mistyped my password five times, got locked out, and had to call customer service. They asked me so many security questions, I started questioning my own identity (and sanity). FML

I agree, your life sucks 337 You deserved it 177

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Anonymous · 13 November 2024, 12:00 ·United States

Wandering soul

Today, I went on a scenic hike to clear my head and ended up lost for two hours. When I finally found my way back, I noticed the trail signs had big, bright arrows. How did I miss those? FML

I agree, your life sucks 121 You deserved it 402

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Anonymous · 13 November 2024, 09:00 ·Fort Lauderdale, United States

Motherly love

Today, my mom texted me, “I just want you to know I love you very much.” Touched, I replied, “I love you too, Mom!” Her next message said, “Oops, wrong person.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 436 You deserved it 64

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·United States

That old switcheroo

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is a Mormon, when his mother greeted me saying how happy she was her son had found himself a Mormon girlfriend. I know nothing about Mormonism, except from what I've seen on South Park, and I'm an atheist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 603 You deserved it 6 555

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Anonymous · 13 November 2024, 03:00 ·Houston, United States

Been there, done that

Today, I confidently told a joke at a party, only to completely butcher the punchline. Everyone still laughed… at me instead of the joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175 You deserved it 343

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Anonymous · 13 November 2024, 00:00 ·Portland, United States

Oddly specific geographical complaint

Today, I live in Vancouver, Washington where there is absolutely nothing to do for an adult on any day of the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146 You deserved it 448

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