jtaylor94 · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·Canada

Not on the weekend

Today, my dad's boss called our house and I answered. He said, "Is your dad home?" I replied, "I'll go check." I put the phone on mute and asked my dad if he wanted to talk to his boss. My dad says, "Does that asshole not have a life?" Turns out the phone wasn't on mute, it was on speaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 505 You deserved it 43 193

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Anonymous · 4 March 2025, 03:00 ·United States

Power shortage

Today, I've worked for the power company for six years. My wife and her family still don't understand that I don't control their power bills, I can't give them a discount, and I can't answer their questions since I don't work in Billing. Every month, it's the same tired arguments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534 You deserved it 72

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Anonymous · 4 March 2025, 00:00 ·United Kingdom

Hush!

Today, I received a letter signed “anonymously” by at least 6 of my neighbours that unless I do something about my loud nightmares they’re going to start calling the police every time it happens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461 You deserved it 149

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Leighton on C · 3 March 2025, 22:00 ·United Kingdom

Miscommunication

Today, I was texting my crush and I wanted to send him a cute emoji to show I was thinking of him. Instead of sending the "heart eyes" emoji, I hit the "poop" emoji. The worst part? He responded with, "Yeah, I'm a piece of shit, thanks for reminding me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 166 You deserved it 397

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jon · 3 March 2025, 20:00 ·San Diego, United States

FOMO

Today, I woke up feeling unlovable after my ex left me for a wealthy BMW owner last week. I clocked into my job at CVS. I had a teenage surfer guy purchasing magnum condoms, a drunk guy buying liquor with two hot blondes around his shoulders, and my high school crush came in to buy plan B. My youth is passing me by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 421 You deserved it 139

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Klamp18 · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Sorry not sorry

Today, I attached fifteen-pound weights to each foot so I could burn some extra calories while shoveling snow. My dad asked me to move one of the cars in the driveway. When I put my foot on the gas pedal, I couldn't take it off. I ended up hitting my sister and knocking her into a snow bank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 123 You deserved it 54 940

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Nadia · 3 March 2025, 15:00 ·United States

Which way now?

Today, it's been two years since my fiancé proposed, drunk, and with no ring. Recently, I overheard him on a Zoom call with a work colleague who'd not talked to him since he was with his last girlfriend, who was much more attractive than I am. The colleague asked if they were still together and he lied and said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464 You deserved it 132

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Heartbroken · 3 March 2025, 12:00 ·Cardiff, United Kingdom

Rosy picture

Today, my son complained that he didn't want to go to school. My husband asked, "Want to swap? You can go work all day, come home tired, and your only reward is a whiny wife and bratty child griping and complaining and expecting you to fix every problem." Part of me died when I heard that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 505 You deserved it 474

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Anonymous · 3 March 2025, 09:00 ·Sullivan, United States

Scramble time

Today, I found out that all the birthday presents and decorations I bought for my son's birthday got lost in transit. I ordered them two weeks in advance, just in case something went wrong. His birthday is today and his party is tomorrow. Guess who's going to be making a Walmart trip… FML

I agree, your life sucks 455 You deserved it 99

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SuperBunny · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

And I oop

Today, my boyfriend was taking me to dinner to meet his parents. As we pulled into the restaurant valet, I saw a woman in a slutty dress and hooker heels get out of the car ahead of us. I jokingly asked if we had accidentally pulled into a strip club, pointing at the woman. It was his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 026 You deserved it 62 612

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Not telling you in a million years · 3 March 2025, 03:00 ·Canada

Who wants to be a millionaire?

Today, I had just sat down and taken a dump in a public restroom when I realized there was no toilet paper. I tried to discreetly call for help, but no one heard me. My only option was to text a friend and have them bring me some. The worst part? My friend ended up texting me, "You called for backup?" as I waited in humiliation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210 You deserved it 291

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Polly Molly · 3 March 2025, 00:00 ·Tula, Russia

Bike lock from Wish dot com

Today, I rode my brand new shiny bicycle to work for the first time. I didn’t have time to figure out how my new lock worked, so I changed the 0000 code to some combination just to find it locked as I came back. After watching a tutorial and trying for 30 minutes, I just cracked it with pliers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 You deserved it 510

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I hate myself · 2 March 2025, 22:00 ·United States

Perfect performance

Today, I walked into a café for the first time, and as I opened the door, I slammed it into the face of a poor barista. Embarrassed, I tried to apologize while holding the door open for a woman behind me, only to have my hand slip and the door crash into her as well. I then stood there, frozen, as both of them just stared at me as I apologized with, "I swear I'm not a moron." FML

I agree, your life sucks 400 You deserved it 115

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Old dog, new tricks

Today, my mom noticed the hickey that I have on my neck. Embarrassed, I tried convincing her that I burnt myself using a hair straightener. She then told me that that's the same excuse she told my grandma when she got a hickey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 032 You deserved it 47 450

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Kareen N · 2 March 2025, 15:00 ·Kansas City, United States

It seems like it's only going to get worse

Today, I'm suffering with an acute and weird form of misophonia. I get irrationally triggered and angry whenever I hear someone say words and phrases like, "at a level that nobody's ever seen before", "radical left", "like you wouldn't believe", "nobody’s ever seen anything like it", and "drill baby drill." I need professional help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 244 You deserved it 465

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Anonymous · 2 March 2025, 12:00 ·United States

Health nut

Today, my boyfriend has always been a health nut, but he's really started going off the deep end lately. He's gone from just disliking fast food to a lunatic yelling about organ meat (YUCK), seed oils, and microplastics, as well as other things I don't understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391 You deserved it 196

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Anonymous · 2 March 2025, 09:00 ·Australia

I hate dancing

Today, I was at a wedding and I reluctantly joined the dance floor. As soon as I started dancing, I felt my trousers rip. Trying to save face, I kept dancing, hoping no one would notice. A few minutes later, I realized my silk boxer shorts were completely visible to the entire party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 161 You deserved it 413

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Stinky · This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff ·Roanoke, United States

Give some, take some

Today, I learned that some days you win, and some days you clean up skunk carcass with a snow shovel, in the rain, in formerly waterproof boots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 410 You deserved it 370

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Anonymous · 2 March 2025, 03:00 ·United States

Sunday funday

Today, I spilled a bottle of honey on the floor while preparing breakfast. As I frantically tried to clean it up, my cat deemed it the perfect opportunity to slide and pad through the sticky mess like a slip-n-slide. Now, I have a honey-coated cat, a ruined floor, and a sticky mess to clean up before my roommates get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377 You deserved it 124

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Anonymous · 2 March 2025, 00:00 ·Anaheim, United States

Hey good lookin'

Today, I realized that whether it takes me 3 minutes or 3 hours to get ready, my husband always has the same reaction, “Uh… yeah babe, you look fine.” Thanks for the confidence boost babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 183 You deserved it 442

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Anonymous · 1 March 2025, 22:00 ·United States

One thing at a time

Today, I stuck my house key up my nose by accident. Why? I was taking them out to unlock the door and needed to straighten my glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 215 You deserved it 303

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Anonymous · 1 March 2025, 20:00 ·United States

The opposite of Stars Hollow

Today, I recently moved to a new place. People around me here have been ignoring me from day one. It feels awkward and embarrassing to not get response when i talk to them. I'm an extrovert but still I can't cope up with this behavior. It's like they are observing my moves, and it's kind of creepy too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350 You deserved it 163

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takeiteasy · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·France

Wedding fatigue

Today, my wife and I went to a wedding. At one in the morning, when the cheese was being served, we were starting to fall asleep at the table, so we went to our car to take a short nap. When we woke up it was 5 a.m., and the party was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 807 You deserved it 34 980

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Anonymous · 1 March 2025, 15:00 ·Germany

Nightmare

Today, I have the perfect life. The best husband, two well behaved kids, a well paying job, and a happy home. But I just pick random fights with my husband, instigating him into shouting for no reason. I guess I want problems to be happy. My whole soul wants peace, except my stupid brain and hormones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 You deserved it 842

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Anonymous · 1 March 2025, 12:00 ·United States

Sticky

Today, I thought I was clever for doing my laundry while multitasking and making dinner. When I went to transfer my clothes from the washer to the dryer, I discovered that I'd accidentally washed a pack of gum that was in my pocket. The gum had melted into my favorite shirt, and I now have a sticky mess to deal with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 353 You deserved it 166

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Anonymous · 1 March 2025, 09:00 ·Dublin, Ireland

Close knit

Today, I was at a family gathering when my aunt drunkenly confessed that she had once dated my dad in high school. Everyone laughed, thinking it was a joke. I didn’t laugh. I just stared at her for 10 minutes, processing how our family tree had now become a circle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221 You deserved it 298

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anon · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Hands off

Today, I took my dog for a walk. He became friendly with another dog, and I reached down to pet them both. Suddenly, an old woman ran up to me and whacked me with her cane repeatedly. Apparently, her previous dog had been kidnapped by a woman who looked a lot like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 648 You deserved it 2 881

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Anonymous · 1 March 2025, 03:00 ·Rockford, United States

Congratulations anyway!

Today, I got a great raise and a bonus but I have to celebrate in silence. So much hard work and dedication that I'm proud of, but I wish I could share the news with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407 You deserved it 118

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Anonymous · 1 March 2025, 00:00 ·Staten Island, United States

Young love

Today, I need help getting over my ex. We are always in the same class and now recently he has been giving me mixed feelings like he has been staring and smiling a little bit at me just like how he did in the beginning of our love and relationship. Please help! I wanna get over him! FML

I agree, your life sucks 336 You deserved it 169

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Anonymous · 28 February 2025, 22:00 ·United States

Bad idea

Today, I brought my mom to my work’s annual party. She insisted on meeting my boss and introduced herself as my "very supportive, overly involved mother." To make it worse, she gave him a lecture about how I was “just too shy” to ask for a raise. My boss is now both confused and terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 403 You deserved it 243

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