Today, I realized that, after waiting until I was 29 to be in a serious relationship, I got with a guy that turned out to be exactly like my abusive piece of shit father. Why? Why God? FML
Today, my wife was all on board with having kids… until she started obsessively following the Lindsay Clancy case. I just got divorce papers, and when I demanded answers, she said the case made her not want to be a mom and wife anymore. Fuck you, Lindsay Clancy. FML
Today, I had an irate patient scream at me to the point security had to be called for not printing out the pictures she wanted. I’m an on call ultrasound tech in the emergency department. She’s only about 7 weeks along and thought she was going to get a picture of a full-sized baby. FML
Today, after I recently started working in Korean company, my manager said, "Speak Korean, this is Korea." I started communicating in Korean for a few days, but then my manager says : "Why you talk to me in Korean ?" FML
Today, my grandpa decided to charcoal-grill some steaks. Inside the house. FML
Today, I finally fixed the squeaky door in my apartment after ignoring it for months. I tightened the hinges, added oil, and opened and closed it several times to check. That night, I realized the noise I'd been hearing wasn't the door. It was my neighbor's wardrobe on the other side of the wall. FML
Today, after months of wondering what a mysterious key I found in an old kitchen drawer unlocked, I finally discovered it fit the lock on a storage unit. I opened it and found a box containing three other keys I had also forgotten about. FML
Today, I bought a fancy reusable water bottle because I wanted to stop buying plastic ones. On the first day, I left it on the roof of my car while loading groceries. I remembered it when I heard a loud clunk at the next intersection. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved him. Being dumped wasn't the reaction I was expecting. FML
Today, I volunteered to bring a homemade dessert to a family dinner. I made a cheesecake, decorated it beautifully, and carried it across town on the train. When I arrived, everyone complimented it. Then I realized I'd forgotten the removable bottom of the pan, so the cheesecake was still sitting inside a metal ring and couldn't be served. FML
Today, I left my headphones on the bus and didn't realize until I got home. I used the tracking app and saw they were moving around the city. I followed the location for half an hour before realizing the signal was coming from my own neighborhood because the headphones had been sitting in my backpack the entire time. FML
Today, half of my office urged me to file a complaint against a coworker for aggressive behaviour, so I did. Less than 24 hours later, HR gave him a real dressing down and the whole office turned against me for ratting on him to management. FML
Today, I joined an online meeting from my bedroom and made sure the background looked tidy. About twenty minutes in, my mother walked in behind me carrying a laundry basket and shouted, “Where did you put my bras?” The meeting was with my new boss. FML
Today, I went bowling. The guy at the lane next to us was bowling by himself and had a few of his own bowling balls, and he had one that looked like a yin-yang and it looked very cool spinning down the lane into the pins. Not really thinking, I casually said to him, "Hey, I like your balls." FML
Today, I (admittedly dumbly) AI generated pictures of my boss as a joke with my coworkers. They asked me to send them to them but instead I ended up sending it to my boss. A bunch of them were him extremely obese or with his ass out. I can't unsend. FML
Today, after I filed for divorce, the papers were received by my soon-to-be ex-husband on our wedding anniversary. FML
Today, I have a RAV4 with a power hatch that randomly opens when the key is in my pocket, and it has trashed my garage door. Good news: I can stop paying for garage door repairs by paying to convert the hatch to manual instead. Oh, and I was supposed to move a bunch of stuff out of storage tomorrow. FML
Today, I had a job interview at a restauraunt opening up. One manager hypothetically asked me why I should be hired. I said I was more efficient than most. I left to find I'd locked my keys in the car. It took all the managers to help me get my keys out. FML
Today, on top of learning that I have three discs pressing on my spinal column and a labral tear, I also found out my left testicle dropped, but not my right one. I'm nearly 40 and I need to see a urologist over this. After the surgeries to fix my spine and hip. FML
Today, while making out, my clean-shaven husband pulled away because he could feel my lip hairs tickling him. I thought he was making a joke so I called him a tosser and walked away. Later I checked in the mirror and there they were, two black hairs swinging in the breeze right under my nose. FML
Today, I work in the tech industry so the plot is rather too long for 300 letters, but suffice it to say that my boss implemented a £3400 solution to a £7 problem, then successfully blamed me when the client questioned the sudden increase in costs. FML
Today, I was thrown from a horse. Thankfully, there was a trainer there to break my fall and prevent serious injury. Instead of being concerned for my safety or even grateful, my boyfriend flew into a rage that the trainer’s hands had brushed my breasts while saving me. FML
Today, we had a safety meeting at my warehouse job. They had an entire PowerPoint based around their message, "Stop getting hurt; it costs the company too much money." FML
Today, I'd signed up for a beginner birdwatching group because I wanted a quiet hobby. Everyone stood silently in a park for 20 minutes staring into a tree. I finally saw something move and whispered, “There!” The group leader looked through his binoculars and said, “That's a plastic bag.” FML
Today, I took my car to a garage because the dashboard had started making a strange clicking sound. The mechanic listened for 30 seconds, opened the glove compartment, and pulled out a pen rolling around inside it. I'd spent €90 on a diagnostic appointment to discover my stationery was causing the problem. FML
Today, my late sister's kids are in separate foster homes and I was told I can't have custody of them because I'm not a resident of their state (California). I can't afford to live there. FML
Today, my band played its first real gig. It was going well, and I, the vocalist, thought it would be a good idea to stage dive. I underestimated the distance between the stage and the crowd and crashed into the floor. FML
Today, I wore a jacket I bought yesterday at a thrift store to work. During lunch, I found a folded note in the inside pocket that said, "Call Mom. Tell her I'm okay." I spent the rest of the day wondering who had owned the jacket and whether I should actually call the number on the note. FML
Today, I took my step-kids and left my abusive husband. I've just been informed that I'm being accused of kidnapping. FML
Today, after my neighbor asked me to water her plants while she was away, and I carefully followed her instructions for 6 days, she came home. She stared at the living room and asked why I'd watered the fake plants but forgotten the real ones on the balcony. FML
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