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The all-time greatest FMLs

I'm woke now

By Anonymous - 15/08/2024 00:00

Today, my cat woke me up a few minutes before my alarm, so I got up, had a pee, brushed my teeth, got dressed, went downstairs and fed her, started to make a coffee, and glanced at my phone clock. IT'S ONLY 01:30 IN THE FRICKING MORNING, MY ALARM DOESN’T GO OFF FOR ANOTHER 5 HOURS! DAMN CAT! FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 507

Swiss cheese

By Anonymous - 30/10/2024 16:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife is furious at me because she made a memory box for our kids, with objects linked to milestones, silly memories, holidays and so on, and try as I might I couldn’t identify a single damn one of them, except for a paint sampler from the time we repainted the whole house in one weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 477

Deviant Art

By Chae - 18/02/2026 09:00

Today, I got a request to draw a sexual art of a fictional character. Obviously, because that’s my job, I spent five hours doing it. I gave it to the person and it turns out it was a creepy guy I know and he tried to flirt with me by saying, “You are much hotter than her,… Girl.” I’m non-binary and only sleep with girls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 202

What's it to you?

By Anonymous - 29/04/2023 06:00

Today, my mother casually told me she’s been seeing someone for the past 3 months. My dad passed away 2 years ago. They were together for 40 years. Suddenly she had to get off the phone with me because her “guy she’s been talking to” was calling. Hence I’m on the wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 1 194

Three's a crowd

By Bisexual moron - 05/10/2022 08:00

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she cheated on me with my best friend. The best part is that I couldn't tell her a thing, because I actually cheated on her with the same friend before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 1 741

Great parenting team goals

By mom05 - 27/11/2023 14:00

Today, I left my four month-old daughter with my boyfriend of three weeks so I could go shopping in peace. I came home four hours later to find her screaming, hungry, with a dirty diaper. When I asked why he didn't do anything to help her, he said, "Why should I? She's not my kid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 1 977

Let's get it on

By None of that means consent to sex - 08/04/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, I told my husband that I didn't feel like sex. He said, "Funny, I didn't feel like driving to the store for your milkshake earlier, or digging up the flowerbed, or deep cleaning your car, but I did all that to make you happy. Don't I deserve a little reciprocation?" Jesus Christ, I married an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 1 420

Life choices

By Anonymous - 09/02/2022 13:59

Today, after I used to look down on my brother for being a nerd, he now creates computer software for a living making megabucks. Meanwhile, I deliver lorry loads of gravel and cement to building sites for minimum wage, one step above breaking rocks for a living. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 1 887

Cheeky

By Anonymous - 01/01/2026 15:00

Today, I learned that my kids refer to my much older fiancé as my “Emotional support corpse.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 424

So frustrating!

By Anonymous - 17/02/2024 09:00 - Germany

Today, I left my phone on the roof of my car after pumping gas. I drove off, and it wasn't until I heard a thud that I realized what had happened. Now my phone has a gash in the screen, and it's receiving angry texts from my girlfriend that I can't answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 472

Don't hate the player

By JARRD - 05/11/2021 17:00

Today, what was supposed to be a confession of feelings and a 'one night stand, never talk about this again' with my best friend of 13 years turned out to be a positive pregnancy test from her. My wife is not gonna be happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 4 402

Classic blunder

By Anonymous - 07/03/2024 22:00 - Australia

Today, I had to temporarily remove the drain pipe under the sink. I absentmindedly poured the stinky water from the trap into the now drainless sink, and flooded the cupboard I was working in with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 552

Birds of a feather

By Anonymous - 08/08/2026 09:00 - United States - Tampa

Today, my husband went to grab a DoorDash order while I decided to gift some cigarettes, some leftover pizza from lunch, and a few dollars to a sweet traveler. As I got back into the car, my husband said, "I was about to say 'Look a the homeless congregation', then I realized it was you and that lady." FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 96

Clever

By Anonymous - 15/07/2025 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my son got his furniture delivered: one massive, super comfy armchair for him, followed by the lowest, most angular, most uncomfortable sofa I’ve ever sat on. Turns out he did this on purpose so that guests can’t get comfy and are compelled to leave as quickly as possible. Introverted tool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 487

Roomies

By Anonymous - 14/02/2024 06:00 - Austria - Vienna

Today, after months of searching, I finally found a flat that is affordable and with amazing flatmates. The catch? I'm developing feelings for one of them. My heart sinks when they have a date over. I'm also in a relationship. The situation is eating me up inside. I hate that I'll have to go. Cupid, go f*ck yourself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 695

Respect her boundaries

By Kathy04 - 22/12/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I finally convinced my shy new cat to come out from under the bed and hang out with me on the couch. I felt like a true cat whisperer until, in the middle of petting her, she jumped up, knocked over my mug, and spilled hot cocoa all over my book. She then looked at me as if I was the one who messed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 325

Smart kid

By outsmarted by a 5/yo - 10/05/2021 04:00

Today, since my daughter refuses to eat any kind of soup whatsoever, I asked her "What are you gonna do when you’re on a date?" She replied with, "Uh...not order soup?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 1 957

Anger management

By Manuel Gearbox - 12/07/2021 18:01 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I drove a different work vehicle, one with the cupholder right behind the gear lever. After multiple accidental attempts at changing gears with my Coke bottle, I threw it out the window in a temper. I then got busted for littering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 1 702

On time

By GaryGaryOhGary - 21/08/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I set my alarm for 3:30 AM to catch an early flight. I got up, got dressed, and arrived at the airport in record time. While checking in, I was told that my flight is tomorrow morning. I’m now wide awake and sitting in a 24-hour diner, having a very early breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 459

Bros

By Anonymous - 02/07/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend met my brother. They're both over 6 foot, and big. They glared at each other like they were about to start a fight, then out of nowhere shook hands, hugged while laughing like lunatics, and have been besties all afternoon. Why are gym bros such weird idiots? FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 443

Self report

By Wow ok - 09/06/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I realized that I am what the internet refers to as a "neckbeard." I really need to get my shit together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 333

My legacy

By ManyRegrets - 15/07/2023 03:00 - United States - Bloomsburg

Today, I found out that the one who got away just had a baby, and named it after me. My current longtime girlfriend and I already decided not to have kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 748

Close knit

By Anonymous - 01/03/2025 09:00 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I was at a family gathering when my aunt drunkenly confessed that she had once dated my dad in high school. Everyone laughed, thinking it was a joke. I didn’t laugh. I just stared at her for 10 minutes, processing how our family tree had now become a circle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 297

By pablito - 17/04/2014 10:37 - France - Bron

Today, I'm 25 years old, I've got an education and I only now found out in front of 15 people that, no, sparrows are not small pigeons that are going to grow up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 220

You deserved it 450

Pranks are shit

By milk plz - 13/02/2026 12:00

Today, my wife got me back for hiding a realistic tarantula replica in her underwear drawer. She ground up hot peppers and horseradish and shoved it in my mouth while I slept. I woke up screaming in pain and went to the hospital before she confessed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 220

You deserved it 402

Classic sting

By Anonymous - 25/01/2021 23:01 - Canada

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to prank my friend. When he came to pick me up in his car, I pulled up my mask, put on my toque, got in the back seat and yelled "This is a robbery! Don't talk! Drive now!" I'd hopped in the back of the wrong car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 220

You deserved it 1 731

It's never like in the movies

By Anonymous - 06/09/2021 19:59

Today, after giving a speech at college, I did the good ol' mic drop. The microphone fell with a loud bang that was heard through the clapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 220

You deserved it 1 441

Take it up with HR

By Anonymous - 26/08/2024 06:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I got fired for failing a drug test for weed. My boss is the one who sells me weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 220

You deserved it 634

All set

By Anonymous - 14/01/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I was finishing up at the gym and packed my bag to come home. I set my phone on top of it for a second as I knelt down to tie my shoes. Less than a minute later, I grabbed my bag to walk out, forgetting that it was on top. It tumbled to the ground and smashed. Guess I need a new phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 220

You deserved it 372

Kinda is

By Anonymous - 17/07/2023 18:00

Today, my blind date got up and left the table before our food had even arrived, saying he wasn't going to bother with me. Apparently bringing my own bottle of ranch for dipping is "weird" now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 220

You deserved it 2 847

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The Top

Today, I failed hard at a color test. I thought it was a joke because most of the colors looked the same to me. Now I know why people laugh at my clothes color choices. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 674

You deserved it 3 612

Today, I watched my grandfather try and park his car inside the storage area for shopping carts, thinking it was a parking space. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 431

You deserved it 3 531

Today, I’ve been abroad for three years, but flew home to visit. My parents had a surprise: my baby sister, who they kept secret from me so they could film my reaction. She’s so cute but they’re upset that I’m angry at them. Sorry, but sane people don’t keep a baby a fucking secret from its sibling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 702

You deserved it 204

Today, I got locked out of my house in my pajamas while trying to take the trash out. My neighbor offered to help, but only after taking a picture of me for "future laughs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 144

Today, I found out that my husband never actually took our new healthy lifestyle seriously when his coworker told me that now, instead of at the house, he keeps beer and cigars at his brother's house, and visits the Burger King drive through every day for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 390

You deserved it 235

Today, for our anniversary, I asked what my wife wanted and she said not to bother spending money, so I didn’t, and she called me a tight git. Then for her birthday I bought her a gift anyway and she had a go at me for ignoring her wishes and wasting money. I literally cannot win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 535

You deserved it 82