The Top

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Girl…

By sober - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 714

You deserved it 4 380

Shotgun wedding

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, my father shot my fiancé. He's fine, but the wedding is off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 113

You deserved it 4 758

It's not what you think

By dazedandconfused - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, at work, someone heard me throw up. I then got called aside and told being hungover at work is unacceptable. I don't drink. I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 853

You deserved it 3 891

Some things never change…

By simon - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I moved into university residence, looking forward to finally being able to come out of the closet. I started chatting with the hot guy moving in next door to me. He said I was cool, and he was glad because he was afraid he'd be living next to a gay guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 581

You deserved it 11 319

Bad influence

By BigSister - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my 15 year-old sister came home at 4 a.m. totally stoned. My parents treated her really nicely and woke me up. I'm now grounded until I go college for being a bad influence. I volunteer at schools to talk about drug abuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 432

You deserved it 3 443

Reputation

By LadyLuck - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to go visit my beloved husband in the hospital. As I went past the nurses' station, I heard them talking about "the bastard in room 303." I went on to visit my husband… in room 303. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 217

You deserved it 5 452

Congrats…

By singleagain - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I almost got married. After the elaborate and very expensive wedding, my "husband" decided he did not want to sign the marriage license because he wasn't sure if he really wanted to settle down after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 852

You deserved it 3 589

Pure class

By tacky_unrefined - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend of four months broke up with me via text message. He spelled my name wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 824

You deserved it 4 136

Callous

By kysier - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Campbellsville

Today, I was turned down from the dream job that I was promised two years ago, once my chemo and radiation therapy was finished. His excuse? He never actually expected me to survive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 946

You deserved it 2 479

How romantic, Honey!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me to dinner. There was a beautifully decorated table with rose petals and a huge bouquet and he told me he had ordered all this for me. I'd never felt so special. That is, until I had to get up for the couple whose table it actually was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 691

You deserved it 3 772

Innocence

By Hahapasdroleleptit - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I was sitting on the bus following a harrowing breakup. A boy of no more than 6 looked at me full of compassion and said, "Are you crying because you're ugly?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 413

You deserved it 6 012

Straining

By NoPeeGiven - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Palatine

Today, I had to go to the clinic for a physical. The nurse asked me for a pee sample; however, I had no urine to give. After 20 minutes of standing at the stall I was able to squeeze half a cup of pee. As I approached the sink to cover the sample, I somehow managed to drop it all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 190

You deserved it 10 116

You never know

By lolwut - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Albany

Today, I saw my teacher using her phone in the middle of class, so to joke around with her, seeing as we're on pretty good terms, I said: "Using your phone in class? For shame." She looks me in the eyes and says, "Would it be OK if I told you I'm arranging my father's funeral?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 984

You deserved it 18 736

Genius

By wow. - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Chicago

Today, I let my sister use my phone to play music in the shower, expecting her to use the speakers I have. She used a ziplock bag with a hole in it to connect her headphones. Now I have a waterlogged phone and my sister still doesn't understand why it didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 991

You deserved it 8 267

Speed

By no, don't save me or nothing - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Canada - Woodstock

Today, some aggressive asshole was tailgating me on my way home, bumping into me twice. I got scared and kicked my car into high gear and got out of there. Seconds later, a traffic cop came out of nowhere and pulled me over for speeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 166

You deserved it 8 987

Hood life

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my car wouldn't start because of the cold weather. Since I was at a friend's house, I asked him to jump-start it. After taking about ten minutes to start his vehicle and park it by mine, we found that both of our car hoods were frozen shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 017

You deserved it 3 917

What's my rating?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went online to check my credit report. My credit report says that I'm deceased, and have no rating. I'm at least 90% sure that this is not true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 152

You deserved it 2 643

How dare you?

By Paramedic - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I was the paramedic at the scene of a car accident. One lady was hurt, and we had trouble getting any information from her as she was sobbing. I radioed in the details and said "...a lady in her mid 30's, ETA 10 minutes." She stopped crying, slapped me, and said, "I'm 28." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 573

You deserved it 4 510

Paternity test

By that guy - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Atascadero

Today, my girlfriend told her parents that she's pregnant. We have never even come close to having sex, but she told them I'm the father. Not only is my girlfriend cheating on me, but her father now wants me dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 424

You deserved it 3 223

Goldfinger

By itzcorinnelove - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was walking my aunt's dog to the park and I grabbed a few doggy bags to pick up the poop. As it turns out, the bag had a small unnoticeable hole in it, that grew bigger as I fit my hand through it. I ended up using my hand to pick up the poop and didn't realize it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 488

You deserved it 12 821

Move!

By CrimsonAmaryllis - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, after two and a half hours of travel, it was finally my stop on the train. I politely waited for a group of women to get off first. They took so long to move that the train doors closed. I shouted at one through the door to call the conductor. She watched and smiled as the train departed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 874

You deserved it 4 238

Lipstick drama

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me because she found a lot of red lipstick on my neck. The red lipstick was from her lipstick because she came over in the middle of the night when she was really drunk, then left. She refuses to listen to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 855

You deserved it 3 272

Sneaky

By nocat6 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Northville

Today, I caught a customer using his fat to shoplift gum out of a store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 464

You deserved it 3 106

Background noise

By DumbCuntApparently - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Netherlands - Hilversum

Today, a classmate posted a recording of a recent lecture on my university's Facebook page, so we could listen again and take notes at home. A few minutes in, I heard myself asking a question. I then heard snorting and some girl muttering "dumb cunt" under her breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 443

You deserved it 4 537

You what?

By CP19JK12KH - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had a rare phone call from my ex-girlfriend. We ended up talking for hours about old times. It was the best conversation we have had in forever, it made me miss her and miss us. Later on in the day, she called back asking what we talked about. She was too high too remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 267

You deserved it 4 083

Chud

By Foreigner - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Jersey

Today, I was having a great time shopping with my gran, until she started complaining about all the foreigners ruining our town, and counting each person who didn't look 100% British. It wouldn't even have been so bad if I wasn't adopted into the family, from Russia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 099

You deserved it 3 149

Confidently incorrect

By frustrated - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my boss yelled at me for ruining the report she was supposed to write with my "terrible spelling and grammar". I've checked it thoroughly, and all of her 'corrections' are wrong. She doesn’t believe me, and is refusing to look at a dictionary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 080

You deserved it 2 826

How thoughtful

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Auberry

Today, my dad decided to shave his beard. I told him I wanted him to keep it, so he took the shavings, put them in a jar, and left it in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 939

You deserved it 13 459

Freakout

By maf811 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mother panicked and was about to report me missing when I didn't answer her calls while I was at a movie. I'm 31, and have lived on my own for over 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 386

You deserved it 2 843

Seniors!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, in the senior class I teach, I asked my students who had traveled outside of the country, excluding Canada and Mexico. One student raised his hand and proudly stated, "Arizona". He wants to be a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 358

You deserved it 3 476

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I went to a funeral with my family. As we were walking on the grass to the burial site, my 5-year-old brother curiously asks, in a not-so-quiet voice, "Sissy, are we walking on dead people?" It was hard to answer his question with so many glaring people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 492

You deserved it 165

Today, I was going to do some laundry, with the washer and dryer I bought off of Craigslist for 150 dollars. The washer leaks and the dryer doesn't dry. So I called the guy and left an angry message about how the washer flooded my kitchen. I'd actually just forgot to hook up the drain hose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 307

You deserved it 62 615

Today, while I was walking home, a homeless man saw me and didn't ask for change, but how much I charged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 451

You deserved it 247

Today, after I'd mailed my friend her Christmas gifts since we can’t see each other, she called me ranting because the gift I sent her dog only cost $5. According to her, that means I must not really care as her dog is her “baby”. I bought gifts for all 5 of her kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 273

You deserved it 109

Today, I came home from a week-long vacation, only to find my mother-in-law didn't just dog-sit while I was gone; she moved in, along with all her possessions, and seems to think it's a permanent deal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 359

You deserved it 3 689

Today, after a long shift at work, I got home feeling sick and nauseous. I went to remove the tampon I'd had in all day and go to bed, but I literally uncorked myself. There was blood everywhere... on the floor, all over my legs, even on the walls. Everywhere I look, I find more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 280

You deserved it 904