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Date night

By Anonymous - 19/01/2025 03:00

Today, I sneezed while eating a bowl of soup. As I did, a glob of carrot shot out of my nose like a missile, and I couldn’t stop laughing. My boyfriend, who was sitting across from me, wasn’t so amused when the glob splashed all over his white shirt. He’s now mad at me for “ruining his only smart shirt.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 188

Hey dude!

By Creepy stranger danger - 11/08/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I was picking up my nephew from school. I waved when I saw him coming, shouted, “Hey dude!” The kid stared at me, confused. That’s when I realized it wasn’t my nephew, just a child who looked vaguely similar but who was now terrified. His actual mom gave me a look like she was deciding whether to call security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 112

Get me the hell out of here

By Anonymous - 03/11/2025 12:00

Today, I live somewhere with cold weather half the year, I'm pale, and I have anemia. I have a recessive blood disorder which makes my anemia worse. I'm stuck in this city because I can't live on my own, so I'm dependent on my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 92

We'll just order out

By Lili - 22/03/2025 09:00 - United States - Akron

Today, I cooked dinner for my boyfriend, hoping to impress him with my culinary skills. I burnt the garlic bread, overcooked the chicken, and managed to set off the smoke alarm three times. When I finally served the meal, my boyfriend said, "It's like a sad buffet at a middle school prom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 271

Are you OK my dude?

By Hell naw - 13/08/2025 12:00 - United Kingdom - Wakefield

Today, I got into my car in the parking lot, or at least I thought I did. I sat down, buckled up, and only noticed something was off when a guy walked over from the shopping trolley carousel, opened the passenger door and said, “Can I help you?” Same car model, wrong car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 132

Why though?

By Anonymous - 23/10/2025 03:00

Today, my best friend of over 16 years is getting married. I was supposed to be her Maid of Honor. Instead I was uninvited a few weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 97

Nervous Nelly

By Anonyme - 15/02/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I went to a job interview and, trying to sound confident, I shook the interviewer’s hand and said, "Nice to meet me." I didn’t get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 205

Love is hell

By Anonymous - 26/10/2025 22:00

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, and totally forgot about my existence. She doesn’t even text me, and I think there’s someone else, but she has my name tattooed on her body. Love sucks, I don’t recommend it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 154

Hydrated pinkies

By Anonymous - 09/03/2025 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, we went for a foot massage. My wife found it incredibly relaxing; I just found it weird that a complete stranger seemed to be trying to give each of my toes its own handjob. Plus they used so much moisturiser that it made the inside of my shoes feel like squishy mud all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 137

Marked

By Anonymous - 29/10/2025 03:00

Today, I learned that bunnies mark for territory. And when I say mark, they do a 360 no scope piss and spray everything all over the walls. The smell is horrendous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 121

Accelerated obsolescence

By Anonymous - 17/04/2025 16:00 - United States - Warren

Today, my cellphone charger suddenly stopped working. I had it for less than 6 months and I don't do anything crazier than unplug the phone when I want to go out and plug it back in. The phone and outlet work perfectly, the inputs are clean, and the charger had excellent ratings from over 2,000 people on Amazon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 116

Straight into my veins

By Anonymous - 03/01/2025 12:00 - Germany

Today, after being sick and not having coffee for a month, my body has invented a new way of processing caffeine: The tiredness and lethargy remains untouched, while the caffeine-jolt is converted directly into a fuzzy headache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 135

You never know

By Anonymous - 16/08/2025 21:00 - United States - Ballston Spa

Today, a woman came up to my cash register, where I was struggling with the cash, and asked if we took cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 108

Nervous

By Z…… - 08/05/2025 04:00 - China

Today, I went to the hospital for constant dizziness and insomnia, and was diagnosed with anxiety. I figured out that the main source of my anxiety is not my job but my boyfriend, who has avoidant personality, which makes him constantly refuse almost everything that I request. He's a guy who just doesn't know how to show his love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 219

Talk to me

By Anonymous - 31/08/2025 22:00 - Sweden - Agunnaryd

Today, I'm sad. My wife of six years cares very little about my satisfaction. Intimacy is my receiving love language, and while we do have sex sometimes, she wants me to "take" or "use" her. I want to be felt up and be shown I'm wanted, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 112

Messy bitches

By Please explain - 24/12/2025 09:00

Today, I don't understand how my wife and son are incapable of opening any kind of packaging without tearing it to shreds. If they open a box of cereal or a bag of chips, it looks like a dog got hold of it. How? FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 66

Welcome!

By Yudith - 11/10/2025 15:00

Today, I was expecting lizards, spiders, and weird local insects in my hotel room. What I got was a cockroach on my toothbrush. A very tiny cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 57

Smooth moves

By Clumsy - 05/07/2025 00:00 - France - Paris

Today, I went to my usual cafe and ordered a caramel latte. As I handed back my empty cup, I gestured to compliment the barista… and knocked over a perfectly balanced tray of macarons. They scattered across the counter and floor like colorful grenades, and I spent the next 10 minutes on my hands and knees scooping pastry shells. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 199

Oh no…

By Anonymous - 04/10/2025 03:00

Today, my daughter announced that she's pregnant. I'm going to be a 37 year-old grandmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 283

Congratulations!

By Anonymous - 30/01/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I spent practically an hour practicing my acceptance speech in front of the mirror after being nominated for "Employee of the Month." It turns out that they were just reading the names alphabetically, and I wasn’t even in the top five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 215

My smol bean baby

By Heather05 - 11/11/2025 15:00

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door and politely asked if I could keep my “crying baby” quiet at night. I live alone. I don’t even have a baby. I have a cat. A very dramatic, needy, attention-hungry cat who yelps when I close any door or leave her eyesight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 140

Goddamn sky rats

By Anonymous - 11/09/2025 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought a fancy salad for lunch and went to eat it in the park. A strong gust of wind flipped the lid off and launched half the salad into my lap. As I jumped up to shake it off, I slipped on a stray tomato slice, fell backward onto the grass, and watched as a seagull swooped in to eat my croutons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 106

Thanks not given much

By Anonymous - 29/11/2025 20:00

Today, I sadly woke to a realization: Even on Thanksgiving and my baby girl's birthday, their dad's idea of a family day is constantly sitting there "trying to feel less sick" and just ignore us all, or as he says it, "time is all out" and playing Pokemon GO. Awesome. If I say anything, he threatens to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 127

Doofus

By Jim - 14/10/2025 03:00

Today, I went to my favorite café to order my usual iced latte. The barista smiled and said, “The usual, right?” I nodded confidently, except she wasn’t talking to me. She handed the drink to the guy behind me and said, “Thanks, babe.” He winked at her. I just paid for my drink in silence, praying for a sinkhole to open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 112

You're welcome

By Anonymous - 04/06/2025 13:00 - United States - Lincoln

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he pulled up his pants and said, "There you go." FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 125

When you gotta go…

By Anonymous - 17/01/2025 20:00 - Canada

Today, I was walking my big, fat, fluffy old dog when I saw my crush. I waved enthusiastically, but my dog chose that moment to squat down and unleash a string of poop. My crush looked horrified as I tried to scoop it up while still waving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 171

Brutal truth

By Anonymous - 20/11/2025 12:00

Today, I showed my grandma my new haircut. She squinted for a moment and said, “Oh honey, it’ll grow back.” I said, “So you don’t like it?” She shrugged and said, “I’m just glad you’re confident enough to leave the house like that.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 92

Shitty

By Anonymous - 20/09/2025 03:00

Today, I woke up at my brother-in-law's house in the middle of the night to discover I had a watery shit in my underwear. I thought I was safe because had on a Depends, I wasn’t and had to change my sweatpants too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 330

You deserved it 142

Good boy

By Anonymous - 13/11/2025 15:00

Today, I took my dog to the vet. The vet asked me to hold him still and keep him chill while he took his temperature rectally. My dog freaked out, jumped, and the thermometer hit me in the face. The vet just said, “That’s a first.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 110

Clinging on

By Jeremy - 26/07/2025 00:00 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I did laundry after weeks of procrastinating. Feeling accomplished, I wore a freshly cleaned hoodie to work. Halfway through the day, I discovered my niece’s Paw Patrol underwear clinging to the inside of my hood. I’d been walking around with Chase the Police Dog flapping behind my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 205

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The Top

Today, at my local amusement park, I decided it'd be fun to meet someone on the roller coaster by sitting alone and hoping that someone nice would sit next to me. I rode the roller coaster 7 times. I sat alone each time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 550

You deserved it 13 842

Today, I passed a car, and heard a baby crying in the back seat. It was hot and no one was around. All the doors were locked so I broke it with a rock, cutting my arm and setting the alarm off. Only to find out that it was a realistic baby doll. I have to get 7 stitches and pay for the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 310

You deserved it 9 451

Today, my boyfriend got annoyed with me for being really needy and clingy lately. I'm doing it because I was sexually assaulted last week, but I'm just not ready to tell him that yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 589

You deserved it 244

Today, my boyfriend called me weird because I keep gloves in the glove box in my car. He's never seen that before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 909

You deserved it 382

Today, I had to create a new password for my computer. I had to do it to stop my father from watching porn on my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 363

You deserved it 119

Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 309

You deserved it 10 384