The Top

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Fair and unbalanced

By Not Carrie Bradshaw - 23/06/2025 12:00 - United States - New York

Today, I tried to be efficient by balancing my coffee, phone, and laptop on the subway. One wrong move later, I had coffee all over my laptop, my shoes, and a very unimpressed stranger’s coat. They gave me a look that said, “Why do you even exist?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 586

Well rested

By Anonymous - 27/06/2025 00:00 - Switzerland - Zurich

Today, after a long airplane trip, I arrived at a hotel hoping to get some rest at last. At around 2 AM, my older daughter (13) suddenly got up to start yelling things while sleepwalking. My younger daughter (4) slept all night peacefully, but I realized she had forgotten to put on her nighttime diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 161

Experimental cuisine

By Anonymous - 28/06/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I packed my lunch meticulously: salad, sandwich, fruit. Then I put the entire thing in my backpack, on top of what turned out to be a leaky water bottle. By lunch, I was faced with eating a soggy mess of lettuce soup and bread mush. It was not great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 113

Sneaking about

By Anonymous - 30/06/2025 23:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after spending an exhausting amount of time trying to stay quiet so I didn’t wake my housemates, even to the point of catching the microwave before it went off, I dropped my bowl of food right in the middle of the hallway between the bedrooms with a loud clang. FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 258

This isn't relevant to my interests

By Alan Alda's Dog - 02/07/2025 09:00 - Canada - Montréal

Today, I wanted to call my mom to ask for advice but called my boss instead. I panicked and ended up talking about weekend plans like nothing was wrong. She now knows way too much about my personal life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 454

One step at a time

By shengming - 06/07/2025 04:00 - China

Today, I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. Although I am very happy in a sense and feel that there is finally an explanation for the past, this issue is not conducive to my adjustment to society. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 96

Bonkers

By Anonymous - 09/07/2025 05:00 - United States - Owensboro

Today, my wife had a dream that I cheated on her with a girl from my work named Marie. She told me that she wants me to quit my job and get a new one, just to avoid that from ever actually happening. There is nobody named Marie at my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 70

Goddamn cats!

By Cat: 1 / Me: 0 - 14/07/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, when I came home from running errands, the door wouldn't open. Why wouldn't it open? My cat somehow toppled the shoe rack. I had to spend way more time than I'd like to admit looking through my trash to find something I could use to move it, during which my cat escaped and I had to chase her down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 146

Control freak

By Anonymous - 18/07/2025 00:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, my boyfriend of two months went through several memory boxes and destroyed anything that may have come from a man. My pictures were all film, so I can’t replace them. My bear was from my grandfather and other letters were from friends. No amount of legal action can replace what I’ve lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 103

Somebody that I used to know

By Anonymous - 19/07/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I was thinking about this girl who I have feelings for. I haven't talked to her in three years, and recently developed these feelings. Out of curiosity, I asked her friend what NOT this girl's type is. She pretty much described me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 284

You deserved it 216

Fix me up

By Anonymous - 21/07/2025 18:00 - United States

Today, I realized thanks to two injuries I have that I can't do two routines my doctor wants me to do. I strained something in my right hip so squatting causes me pain. Jogging is also out of the question because my right foot healed wrong when I sprained it, and requires pricey foot surgery to fix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 90

**** brainrot

By Anonymous - 23/07/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, while playing cards, me and my boyfriend were getting super competitive and started wagering sexual stuff. His first and only choice: anal. Why only anal? All the time anal, there’s hundreds of other things to try, why do men always go straight to anal? It’s gets boring after a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 210

Classic recruitment hell

By Anonymous - 25/07/2025 08:00 - United States

Today, I was rejected from a volunteer position because I "didn't have enough experience." I have a college degree in the specific field they were asking for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 454

You deserved it 84

Never felt more lonely

By Anonymous - 29/07/2025 00:00 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I was in my local supermarket's frozen aisle and I started doing a little dance of joy because my favorite ice cream was on sale. I turned around to see my ex and his new girlfriend watching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 247

I'll just order an Uber…

By Anonymous - 30/07/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, our third date went so well, we went straight back to her place, tearing each others clothes off. It was only afterwards I noticed what a shithole her house was. Clothes and mess everywhere, broken furniture, overflowing cat litter boxes. I could even smell her unwashed bedsheets on my skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 347

You deserved it 187

No comment

By Framed guy - 01/08/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I said to a coworker, “Epstein didn’t kill himself” in our office, as a joke response to something he'd said. Later, someone from HR pulled me aside and said, “We don’t comment on ongoing investigations.” I work at a dog food company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 131

Happy oddly specific day to you!

By Anonymous - 03/08/2025 03:00 - United States - Buchanan

Today, it's National Girlfriends Day. My boyfriend stood me up, blamed it on his mom, and then decided he was going to go hang out with his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 200

Comma etiquette

By Anonymous - 05/08/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I was accused of using AI to write something, all because I used the Oxford Comma ; I use it all the time, and always will. The internet has become such a total shitshow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 102

Leg day

By NervousDog - 06/08/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, at work, I dropped a dried giant millipede specimen. Horrible little legs went everywhere. Now I need to glue it back together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 364

You deserved it 118

Tough time for wankers

By Anonymous - 16/08/2025 04:00 - Australia - Kingston

Today, a service that provides me with pictures of pretty women logged me out. I don't remember the password, it's not saved on my phone, and they don't have a facility to reset it. Now I must make a new account and start my collection again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 489

Happiest day of my life

By Stevey - 17/08/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, during a moment of silence at a wedding, my phone rang at full volume. My ringtone? The Jurassic Park theme. Everyone turned to stare as I fumbled desperately to shut it off. The bride spent the rest of the ceremony giving me the side-eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 687

All kinds of wrong

By Anonymous - 22/08/2025 15:00

Today, after my boyfriend ghosted me when he learned I was pregnant, I stormed to his house to tell his wife about us to get back at him. Turns out he gave me a fake address, because the cops were called on me after I screamed at some random woman who lived there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 994

Really specific gripe with road rules

By Toolegittoquit - 26/08/2025 03:00 - Canada - West Kelowna

Today, my girlfriend, who I really liked, dumped me after I sent proof of Canada’s government supported merge-like-a-zip campaign, because she thinks that zip-mergers are just people taking advantage of others. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 117

Get a load of this guy

By Anonymous - 31/08/2025 14:00 - United States - Bel Air

Today, I am smarter, cooler, better and more mature than everyone else by a huge margin. Anyone who refuses to accept this objective fact is a moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 890

Karma?

By Pristine-Praline-977 - 02/09/2025 15:00

Today, it's been 5-ish years since I bought my condo. Last year, my washer became unbalanced and flooded my entire place and I had to do a total remodel. Everyone said, “What a freak accident, nothing like this will happen again!” Today the hot water supply line to the sink burst and flooded my condo. What did I do in a past life? FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 77

Thanks, I guess?

By Alex - 04/09/2025 02:00 - Mexico - Mexico City

Today, after months of helping my girlfriend accommodate into her new apartment to escape from her abusive mother, she thanked me by posting an Instagram story with her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 89

Night terror

By Freaked OUT - 06/09/2025 03:00 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I woke up to my roommate screaming. Turns out, I had sleepwalked into her bed during the night. I don’t remember anything, but apparently I told her, “Shhh, don’t mention the ducks” before laying down next to her and fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 107

Good or bad news?

By Bombaclotttt - 11/09/2025 09:00

Today, I decided I was gonna take a pregnancy test after being two months late. I bought two because I was sure it would give me a positive. That same night I got my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 295

You deserved it 97

Go away

By Anonymous - 13/09/2025 03:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I got a text from an unknown number that just said, “I’m outside.” Thinking it was a prank, I wrote back, “Cool, I’m inside. Stay there forever.” Ten minutes later, the food delivery guy left, and I never got my dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 866

Toxic positivity

By Anonymous - 14/09/2025 22:00

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to get married after only six months because of an accidental but happy pregnancy. We’ve spent thousands on the wedding and baby stuff. Apparently it was money wasted, because I just got my period, despite not having one for three months and a positive pregnancy test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 192

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try cybersex, because we rarely see each other these days. We only used text. Halfway through, I noticed that she started being more demanding. As it turns out, my girlfriend had left the room and her older brother had walked in and taken over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 259

You deserved it 17 265

Today, I proposed to my boyfriend. He said yes, but is now sulking because I took away his "manhood". Jeez, sorry I didn't want to wait another 7 years for you to finally do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 020

You deserved it 2 040

Today, I tried to look for a copy of a CD that my mom wanted after Amazon lost it. For some reason, that specific CD can only be ordered online. None of the stores have it in stock and the one store I tried wouldn't allow me to use the "ship to store" option on their website. FML

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 73

Today, at work during lunch, a bunch of the girls were talking about their husbands and boyfriends and sex stuff. I unfortunately got involved and basically made shit up and lied my ass off because no way would they believe I’m a virgin at 37, who last had a boyfriend in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 379

You deserved it 494

Today, my boyfriend dumped me, accusing me of lying to him about "being a hermaphrodite". His almost total lack of knowledge about female anatomy led him to believe that my clitoris is actually an extremely tiny penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 398

You deserved it 6 078

Today, I contacted my biological father, after not speaking to him for some years, as we had a very strained relationship. I received an automated response. It's probably the best conversation we have ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 100

You deserved it 3 506