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Sleepy head

By Anonymous - 25/01/2026 09:00

Today, my son hid under coats and bags in the back seat of my work van to scare me, but fell asleep under there. I didn’t realise this until my wife rang me hysterical that he was missing. I was 80 miles away already on a job when I found the sleepy little git back there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 72

Oddly specific

By Erica - 01/02/2026 09:00

Today, the guy I'd met online ghosted me because I’d left dead skin residue on his toilet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 170

You deserved it 363

Fight like hell

By Anonymous - 09/03/2026 00:00

Today, Social Services took my recently deceased girlfriend's kids. I've loved those kids for almost 10 years and now I might never see them again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 99

Be careful what you wish for

By Cucked - 16/03/2026 03:00

Today, my wife agreed to live out my cuckold fantasy. I was watching her bang some guy from Tinder when my stomach suddenly turned and I realized I wasn't enjoying this as much as I hoped. I asked them to stop. They laughed and continued. I'm puking in the toilet and I can still hear them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 784

Parental control

By Anonymous - 30/03/2026 09:00

Today, I learned that CPS still won't take my sister's kids away from her, even though they are living in literal squalor and filth. They run away to my house all the time and I constantly have to give them back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 68

Advice wanted

By Anonymous - 08/04/2026 09:00 - United States - Corona

Today, I’m about to lose the love of my life. I love this man with every fiber of my being, but his kids are absolute fucking monsters. They treat me like shit and he doesn’t intervene. I’m so heartbroken, but what else can I do? FML

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 88

Do not overreact

By Anonymous - 07/05/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my grandma passed away the morning of my wedding a couple of days ago and my (soon-to-be ex) husband and so-called family all conspired to keep it a secret from me so as not to upset me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 266

You deserved it 454

Pipe down

By Anonymous - 15/05/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, my husband is threatening divorce because I loudly objected at his daughter's wedding and made a scene. His daughter is 19 and got married to a 40-year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 483

Cuckoo

By Fuck them both - 26/05/2026 15:00 - United States - Secaucus

Today, my mom gave me thirty days notice to find an apartment and move out. Why? She's dating my former best friend and wants to move him in, but he won't do it until I'm gone because it would be "awkward." FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 72

ChatGPT slop disinformation

By h8chatgpt - 01/06/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, a customer threw a tantrum and we had to get law enforcement involved, all because Chat GPT told them that they could qualify for “free government grants for seniors aged 55+.” I work at Wells Fargo and we don’t have such a program, but according to the customer, “Chat GPT said so.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 81

Square eyes

By Anonymous - 02/08/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, I received a notification that my phone screen time was down by 40% this week. I was incredibly proud of myself until I remembered I'd spent most of the week watching TV instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 261

Drama Llama

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took the kids I'm babysitting to the farm to feed the animals. They were a little scared of the llama, so I showed them how nice it was by feeding it a lot of bread. Then, as I was telling the farmer how I loved the llama and wanted to take it home, it spit grass and bread all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 418

You deserved it 10 237

Pissed

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Windsor Heights

Today, I had to take a drug test for a new job. I ended up spilling the cup of piss all over myself. I had to explain what had happened, then go sit in a waiting room full of disgusted-looking people, while I kept drinking water to fill my bladder back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 729

You deserved it 6 586

Spice it up

By Jan - 13/10/2025 20:00

Today, my husband came home, threw me over his shoulder, and carried me to the bedroom. Furious, I shrieked to be put down and demanded an explanation. He said, "I thought you wanted us to be more spontaneous…" Apparently, that means he should treat me like a sex toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 972

Tough luck

By Anonymous - 23/10/2025 12:00

Today, as if it wasn’t bad enough my dumbass daughter would seduce and hookup with my boyfriends throughout her teenage years, she’s now ruined her own marriage by sleeping with married men, and wants to move back in with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 198

Skint

By Cheap date - 30/10/2025 15:00

Today, my husband took me out for my birthday dinner. When it was time to pay, he took out a stack of gift cards. I asked where he got them, and he said he got them as a bundle at Costco, and saved sixty bucks on the meal. He then got annoyed with me when I told him it made me not want birthday sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 119

You deserved it 884

Run for the hills

By Ih8meself - 10/11/2025 03:00

Today, my fiance told me that if I don’t “get on Ozempic or some shit” by our honeymoon, he won’t consummate the marriage. Half an hour later he told me to make some breakfast because he was hungry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 493

You deserved it 148

Hey big spender!

By Anonymous - 11/11/2025 22:00

Today, I received a food delivery. The bag was huge. I thought the restaurant had made a mistake and given me extra food. I checked the receipt; it said, “Special note: For our hungriest customer. Extra napkins!” They'd remembered me from last time I ordered a ton of food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 326

Tired and emotional

By Tired mommy - 19/11/2025 00:00

Tonight, my 7-year-old begged me for a bedtime story. Ten minutes in, I was the one nodding off while he was wide awake. I fell asleep mid-sentence because he gently shook me and said, “Mom, you snore like a Grandpa.” Then he asked if I could “try again but stay awake this time.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 178

Many such cases

By Lonely Melanie - 20/11/2025 20:00

Today, in a bustling store, a woman waved at me. I didn’t recognize her but waved back enthusiastically and approached her. She frowned and said, “I was waving at my daughter.” Her daughter was behind me. A store clerk saw the whole thing and said, “Happens a lot to lonely people.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 116

Why me?

By Irenne - 26/11/2025 03:00

Today, the coworker I like reported me to HR for "sexual harassment." All I did was make him lunch every day, give him 'just because' gifts, and compliment him in a non-sexual way. It sure isn't "sexual harassment" when another coworker of ours does the exact same things; in fact, he praises it and acts indifferent to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 895

I hate my life

By Anonymous - 08/12/2025 15:00

Today, during a presentation, I gestured too dramatically and launched my pen across the room. It bounced off the projector screen, hit my boss’s coffee cup, and splattered it across the conference table. Everyone froze while I jokingly apologized to the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 276

Go go dancer

By Anonymous - 12/12/2025 03:00

Today, I was dancing in a club when some manager told me to stop messing around and get back on stage or I’m not getting paid. I think he thought I worked for him. I was in jeans and a glittery vest, all the dancers were in booty shorts and bikini tops. What the hell, my guy? FML

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 75

Playing favorites

By So sick of disrespect - 21/01/2026 22:00

Today, I was making dinner for my family while my wife was at work. She walked in the door with McDonald's, even though she knew I was cooking. Then our kids saw and started screaming that they wanted McDonald's too and that it was unfair. I've told her not to pull this shit and she won't listen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 73

Harsh but fair

By Singlemamma - 05/02/2026 00:00

Today, I lashed out at the father of my son for not doing anything for the baby. He replied, “I never did shit for you to begin with, didn’t you watch the preview? You knew what you were getting yourself into.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 191

You deserved it 639

Digging for gold

By PUKEATRONIC BARF-O-MATIC SPEWORAMA - 17/02/2026 12:00

Today, after a bad head cold, my boyfriend woke up, shambled to the bathroom and sniffled. He then pulled the biggest booger I've ever seen out of his nose; it looked like a giant slug. He took a picture, then set it as his lock screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 354

You deserved it 78

Gamers rise up

By Anonymous - 21/02/2026 03:00

Today, my girlfriend destroyed my Xbox, because somewhere in her psycho brain she actually thought it would get me to pay more attention to her, even though I only play 3 hours on a Sunday. Joke's on her, I bought a new one, she’s back on the streets, and I play it a whole lot more now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 511

You deserved it 116

Witch's brew

By Anonymous - 19/03/2026 20:00

Today, my girlfriend convinced me to have sex while she’s on her period. She kept half-whispering, half-moaning weird phrases I didn’t understand. After some googling, it roughly translated to “Bound in blood. Together forever bound by blood.” I think she tried to hex me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 113

Alarming

By Billie - 26/03/2026 22:00

Today, I went to the grocery store, loaded up on food, then went to open my car door. When I opened it, the car alarm went off. As I reached for my keys to shut it off, I was tackled to the pavement. Apparently someone else owns a car identical to mine, and he has a violent temper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 85

On the move

By Anonymous - 03/04/2026 00:00

Today, my wife and I realized that we made a huge mistake in allowing our son to stay behind and live with my parents when we had to move cross-country due to work. Our lives are so empty without him and we're missing out on watching him grow up, but he refuses to come live with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 647

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The Top

Today, I'm so sexually deprived that I got a raging hard-on from seeing and hearing my coworker yawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 651

You deserved it 4 718

Today, my family started their own version of the Hunger Games. With farts as their ammo, they've been tackling and gassing everyone until their victim "dies" by surrendering. My house is a flatulent war zone, and I fear waking up blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 972

You deserved it 2 928

Today, while arm wrestling with my boyfriend, I had to pretend he beat me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 397

You deserved it 7 968

Today, I was at my brother's graduation. His mom was taking pictures of him in his cap and gown, but she got a picture of me sucking off a Coke bottle for a laugh, and she posted it on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 1 942

Today, it's been 2 days since I got over having the flu for over a week, missing work the whole time. I just got food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 632

You deserved it 164

Today, it was a normal day working as a medical receptionist, until I told a wheelchair-bound patient to “take a seat” out of habit. She responded with, “I brought my own!” I have never felt more embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 315