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Slapped

By Username - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - France

Today, my mum suggested that I should take self-defence lessons just in case I ever get attacked. Jokingly, I said, "As long as I walk under street lamps, no one's going to touch me." She replied, "Well, you never know, they might mistake you for someone good looking." FML

agreeclassic 32 730

vote type 1 5 001

Pet peeve

By MY CHIPS - 14/04/2025 07:00 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I got home from work to see that not only had my wife opened my bag of potato chips, she'd ripped it all down the side and left it open all day without a clip. Now my chips are stale. She has a whole bag of her favorite flavor, unopened, right next to it. FML

agreeclassic 463

vote type 1 106

PSA

By ColoredPencil13 - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Baytown

Today, my mom made a Facebook post about me starting my period and for everyone to be nice to me. FML

agreeclassic 56 652

vote type 1 4 945

iPod Classic, 7th Gen, 160 Go, the best ever

By abdominates - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, after a long workout I come back to my locker, to find my lock had been cut. I looked inside realizing my phone and iPod had been stolen. If that wasn't bad enough, my keys were gone. I ran out to the parking lot to find an empty spot where my car had once been parked. FML

agreeclassic 53 410

vote type 1 3 321

Gossip and tea

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I found out that if you lose contact with people in your previous school, they decide to spread rumors about you and make everyone believe that you're dead. FML

agreeclassic 32 341

vote type 1 3 537

Snooping around

By Anonymous - 29/09/2025 20:00

Today, I found out the heartbreaking truth of why my husband won’t have sex with me. He cheated, got an STD, and is now waiting for it to clear up before he touches me again. When I confronted him, he flipped out and wrecked the house because I invaded his privacy by going into his phone. FML

agreeclassic 412

vote type 1 83

Rained on

By smellyhand - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it looked like rain so I held out my hand to catch a raindrop. When I finally caught one, I closed my hand over it and ran to show my friends to prove it was raining. I opened my hand saying, "Look! It's raining!" When I looked down, I saw that I had actually caught a bird shit. FML

agreeclassic 12 941

vote type 1 34 475

Sobering

By happy bday - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, is my 21st birthday. My friends took me to a bar to celebrate, knowing I don't drink. I'm now in charge of driving my friends home after they've had an awesome night. FML

agreeclassic 29 411

vote type 1 9 528

Who's Dusty?

By DumpedPlusSizeGirl - 21/02/2025 14:00 - United States

Today, the dog pulled out a dusty, size M thong from under our bed. I wear a size 3XL, so obviously it wasn’t mine. Only my husband and I live in this house. Not only was my husband’s affair inadvertently exposed, he impassively said, “The size of it should explain why I did it in the first place. Sorry.” FML

agreeclassic 556

vote type 1 297

Make yourselves at home

By unlucky neighbors - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - China - Shanghai

Today, I was staying at a seedy apartment. A group of drunken idiots next door decided it would be fun to run into the wall simultaneously. They broke through the rotted wall and ran me over. FML

agreeclassic 45 743

vote type 1 3 443

Kooky

By Anonymous - 15/05/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I gave birth two weeks early. Everyone is telling me I should be so happy she's healthy, but all I can think is how much I did not want a Taurus baby. I wanted a Gemini baby. FML

agreeclassic 64

vote type 1 1 577

Disappointing

By Funless - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was invited to a party, but I didn't attend because my boyfriend would be disappointed with me. Instead, I spent the night with him watching movies. At the end of the night, he broke up with me because I wasn't fun enough. FML

agreeclassic 36 022

vote type 1 7 762

Mr Tickle

By tortured - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my coworkers were bored. To solve this, they taped me to a chair and tried tickling me to death. My boss joined in. FML

agreeclassic 45 639

vote type 1 4 668

Never enough

By crazycatlady - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I realized the number of cats I currently have is higher than the number of guys I've ever dated. FML

agreeclassic 23 608

vote type 1 18 614

Shelved plans

By twobyfour - this FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, after spending two hard months losing 20 pounds of my 80 pound goal, I was actually excited to exercise. After I was done exercising, I fell down the stairs and broke my ankle. FML

agreeclassic 2 222

vote type 1 283

Gnarly

By Anonyme - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Switzerland

Today, my girlfriend bought several packs of bottled water, even though we have pure mountain water on tap. She did this because the pile-up of unwashed dishes in the sink makes it virtually impossible to slide a glass under the tap. FML

agreeclassic 12 589

vote type 1 47 192

Ewww, gross

By Raisin Brain - 22/01/2025 08:00 - United States

Today, I was happily messing around with my girlfriend's toddler niece. I suddenly sneezed, coughing out a tonsil stone as big as a raisin. Before I could even react, she horrifyingly said, "Oh no! Your brains came out!" My girlfriend started to laugh, saying, "That's just about right!" FML

agreeclassic 391

vote type 1 139

Uneasy

By Anonymous - 23/03/2025 19:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, my husband bought me some new perfume. It wasn’t really my style but he insisted I try it. Afterward we had some of the best, most vigorous sex of our entire relationship. Later, while visiting his parents, I found the same perfume in his mom’s bathroom. It’s her 'special occasion' scent. FML

agreeclassic 605

vote type 1 115

Feed me and shut up

By a fatty - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, the lady running the pastry shop asked who I buy the second pastry for every day. I lied and told her that it's for a coworker. I eat them both. FML

agreeclassic 11 803

vote type 1 36 640

Backwards backwoods brainrot

By Anonymous - 03/05/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, I’ve had to threaten my husband with divorce unless he drops this disgusting and archaic idea of forcing our daughters to do “virginity pledges.” He even wants to rent out a venue and have a “purity ball” to celebrate this nonsense with his caveman friends. FML

agreeclassic 753

vote type 1 161

Thanks, appreciate it!

By witt75 - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was overdrawn $15 at the bank. I paid in my last $80 in cash, only for them to inform me that I've been slapped with $90 in overdraft fees. FML

agreeclassic 28 123

vote type 1 6 342

Extra protein

By ReluctantAntEater - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, I tasted a perfectly salted, crispy, and dead carpenter ant hidden in my bag of pistachios. FML

agreeclassic 37 308

vote type 1 3 623

BFFs

By annoyedgirl - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Ephrata

Today, I was forced to work with someone I absolutely hate. I then found myself starting to like him, until he shot me in the forehead with a stapler gun. FML

agreeclassic 52 857

vote type 1 4 804

Roomies

By merrymary - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I moved in with my new roommate. She's a vegetarian, and won't let me put my meat in the fridge because it will "contaminate her food". FML

agreeclassic 35 161

vote type 1 6 146

Suspicious activities

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was going home with the tomato plant I just bought in my cup holder. The smell of it was filling the car and I love the smell so I picked it up and took a wiff. A few moments later I got pulled over. Apparantly, the cop saw me sniff it and thought I was smelling a marijuana plant. FML

agreeclassic 51 892

vote type 1 8 584

Thanks, I hate it

By Heretique - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Norway

Today, we had to evaluate each other in class. Apparently I'm a quarrelsome, uncommitted, commanding bitch. FML

agreeclassic 12 641

vote type 1 35 719

Not a sponsored post

By Ew - 10/11/2025 15:00

Today, I was introduced to a YouTube musician called S3RL. I was listening to a playlist of his music all day. Then of course when I went to pick up my girlfriend, some song came on that was just exaggerated sex moans pitched into music. She stared at me then burst out laughing and called me a pervert. FML

agreeclassic 136

vote type 1 342

The truth

By unfortunate - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML

agreeclassic 50 476

vote type 1 3 245

Domino effect

By anon - 24/01/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I laughed at a coworker for breaking a chair during a meeting. Ten minutes later, I sat in another chair, and it snapped under me. My coworker just whispered, "Karma, bitch." FML

agreeclassic 84

vote type 1 810

The signs were there

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I noticed a spot of water on the floor. I thought my cats had spilled a cup of water and didn't worry about it. I went to a meeting and when I came back, my entire apartment was flooded with 3 inches of water. FML

agreeclassic 35 199

vote type 1 7 281

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, at martial arts practice, a guest sensei wanted to teach me some "manners". He pinned me down and proceded to choke me while crushing my nuts with his hands and yelling at me in front of the whole class, "DOES THAT HURT?!!?" FML

agreeclassic 49 371

vote type 1 9 044

Today, while fighting with a girl I hate, my nose piercing got a little loose and I ended up snorting it in. That same girl had to take me to the hospital for surgery. She told everyone afterwards. FML

agreeclassic 2 135

vote type 1 1 178

Today, I was a TA watching the class take a test. I didn't realize that the projector was still on while I was searching the Internet. They watched me google "chronic itchy anus". FML

agreeclassic 12 802

vote type 1 54 511

Today, having forgotten my knife at home, I nervously took a bite of my cheesy brat at work. It didn’t splatter on my clothes like I worried it would, but it did splatter all over my desk, keyboard, computer screen, and paperwork. I can't get the cheese out from under the keys. FML

agreeclassic 4 901

vote type 1 2 348

Today, I bought a new mailbox to replace the old one that was stolen. Two hours after I put the new mailbox up, the old one was back and the new one was missing. FML

agreeclassic 63 708

vote type 1 3 744

Today, at the park, a woman asked if I could watch her toddler for a second while she ran to the bathroom. Before I could answer, she ran off. Ten minutes later, a police officer approached me because someone reported a "man lurking with a child." I’m a woman. And not the babysitter. FML

agreeclassic 504

vote type 1 75