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Are you experienced?

By still laughing - 28/08/2015 21:48 - United States - Providence

Today, I was going down on my boyfriend when he stood up on the bed to get a different experience. I started to get aggressive and pushed him up against the wall. I forgot our bed was on wheels and the bed started sliding away and his body slid down the wall. So much for being sexy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 527

You deserved it 5 120

By b.fritz - 24/09/2016 10:02 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 795

You deserved it 1 186

By swervelol - 20/08/2017 23:15

Today, the mosquito infestation is so bad that multiple mosquitoes sucked the blood out of the steak I was grilling and promptly died on top of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 448

You deserved it 360

By SkyrimGamerMoM - 14/07/2016 19:49 - United States - Verona

Today, I got lost in Darkfall Passage in Skyrim and got so frustrated I turned off the game and cried. Thank you pregnancy hormones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 842

You deserved it 2 117

SkyrimGamerMoM tells us more.

SkyrimGamerMoM 10

Friday 15 July 2016 19:59

No worries, end result is clear in my mind. This is number two I'm brewing here, have a one year old already. Just got to where I can enjoy games again though lol will have to take another long break once this little one gets here.

By Anonymous - 04/04/2018 01:30

Today, while visiting my son at university, I noticed a funky smell in his room. He admitted to not changing his bedsheets since he moved in 2.5 years ago. I’ve raised an animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 437

You deserved it 703

By Anonymous - 22/04/2016 18:50 - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, I overheard a "friend" talking about me and my recently deceased dog. He said: "Only time I've seen someone get that upset over someone dying, they were fucking each other. Just sayin'." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 199

You deserved it 1 748

By Nebraskawreck - 02/11/2018 20:01

Today, my boss told me I might get fired because I didn't break up a fist fight. I am over 7 months pregnant and both of the people who were fighting are bigger than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 312

You deserved it 293

Night time entertainment

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I woke up next to my roommate staring in horror. She said I was singing and farting in my sleep. Loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 306

You deserved it 438

By 2pale - 01/11/2015 18:22 - United States - Humble

Today, after years of difficulty, I finally found the perfect shade of foundation that matches my ultra-pale complexion. It's called "Death Flesh." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 500

You deserved it 2 360

Someone's getting coal from Santa...

By Anonymous - 15/12/2017 15:00

Today, my nephew stabbed me in the knee with a colouring pencil. The hospital says he ripped a hole in a tendon and I need surgery to fix it or one day it'll snap. I’ll have a limp for the rest of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 002

You deserved it 291

By Phoenix2115 - 26/02/2018 17:00 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, after ordering a custom $200 Valentine's Day gift box for my husband, he gave it away to a female coworker upon delivery because Valentine's Day isn't for guys. I hope she like the new Xbox one controller and all the gift cards as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 476

You deserved it 402

#blessed

By Loney - 22/04/2018 19:00

Today, I had to let my nosy landlord into my apartment to ensure I didn't have an unapproved guest over. Why? Because she overheard me sneeze, and then bless myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 581

You deserved it 607

By Anonymous - 01/06/2018 06:00

Today, my new bikini must be cheap as shit because I tanned nicely where I put on sunscreen, but where I didn’t apply it under the bikini I’ve gotten super red sunburn on my butt, my lady bits, and my boobs. My nipples look like the ends of red felt tip pens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 649

You deserved it 843

By Anonymous - 09/08/2018 20:30

Today, I couldn't sleep. I had to pee really badly but I'm terrified of the dark, so I closed my eyes all the way to the bathroom. On the way, I tripped over my dog and fell face-first into the door frame. He then humped me as my nose bled all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 698

You deserved it 3 391

By grinded my life - 09/08/2018 04:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I went on a blind date. I ended up meeting my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 034

You deserved it 308

By Anonymous - 11/07/2017 14:40 - United States - Higginsville

Today, I was feeling down and decided to eat one of my roommate's chocolate Pop-Tarts to cheer myself up. I took a big bite and thought it tasted "off". It was full of live maggots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 259

You deserved it 2 669

By Sugartits - 08/08/2017 13:00

Today, my boyfriend forgot to pick me up from work. We work at the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 148

You deserved it 424

By FrozenAnonymus - 14/07/2016 18:05 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I was laying on a couch with my dog watching TV when I heard my dog fart. I looked at her, she looked at me and started waving her tail, blowing it into my direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 872

You deserved it 1 530

She's ready for Valentine's Day!

By dasdachs - 12/02/2018 11:14 - Slovenia

Today, while cleaning, I found a grocery bag with thongs in it. I took them out, smiled and jokingly asked my wife, who never wears them, if she's keeping secrets from me. Turns out she isn't and the bag is not hers. It's belongs to my 76-year-old grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 125

You deserved it 790

By angel grace - 15/02/2018 15:00

Today, I woke up feeling ill. My mom sent me to school anyway, and grounded me for "lying" about being sick. As soon as I got to school, I began vomiting blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 199

You deserved it 263

By ToysforHire - 22/09/2018 03:00

Today, I found out that my girlfriend secretly purchased a vibrator and has been using it for the past two weeks. When I confronted her, her only argument was "It's made me cum more times than you could." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 567

You deserved it 7 930

By 20month dry spell - 27/09/2018 03:00

Today, my girlfriend thinks I'm sex-obsessed because of the number of times I've asked for it. I've asked exactly 3 times this year, one of which was on my birthday. She said no all 3 times. I'm usually too scared of her temper to even try. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 797

You deserved it 1 394

Tone police

By Firstborn - 16/05/2017 19:00 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I got into a major fight with my parents over my younger brother stealing from me. Their response was to get angry at me for my "tone" with them. My brother is 18 with an obvious drug problem, but my tone is the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 293

You deserved it 278

Genius

By That'sMyBoy - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, I put glue traps around my home to catch spiders. So far, the only thing dumb enough to get caught in one is my 10-year-old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 449

You deserved it 940

By Anonymous - 17/06/2017 22:00 - United States - Holland

Today, after an argument, my boyfriend called me a fart knocker and gave me a wedgie. Apparently, I'm dating an 10-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 615

You deserved it 1 065

Oh no…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I found out all the "work meetings" my husband has been going to wasn't him having an affair after all, but him attending a neo-Nazi group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 635

You deserved it 1 581

By TheComedyAudio - 25/02/2018 01:30

Today, I let my roommate borrow my car to go to the store. Later, I saw a picture on Facebook of my roommate and his buddies with my car saying, "Gone for the weekend!" I work at 8am tomorrow and he won't answer my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 559

You deserved it 875

By Anonymous - 15/09/2018 01:30

Today, I found out my sister has been "borrowing" my adult toys and putting them back without washing them well enough. How did I find out? I came back positive for an STI. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 314

You deserved it 296

By notagoodjoke - 25/12/2016 01:01 - United States - Vincentown

Today, Christmas Eve, I told my wife she has three presents to choose from: one large, one small and one tiny. She immediately responded, "Is the tiny one in your pants?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 780

You deserved it 2 248

Caught wet-handed

By Anonymous - 23/10/2015 20:10 - Canada - Fredericton

Today, I walked in on my best friend with his hand down my girlfriend's pants and her moaning for him to "keep going." She had the brass balls to claim she had a "tummy ache" and that he was just rubbing her stomach better. I may be a total dumbass, but I'm not THAT stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 313

You deserved it 2 498

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The Top

Today, I said hi to my coworker and she immediately yelled, "Get your gross unwashed hands out of my face!" I wash my hands compulsively and they were nowhere near her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 101

Today, I wanted to be alone for once, so I went out for dinner, planning to go to the cinema afterwards. My sister ambushed me at the restaurant because she’d heard I was stressed out and wanted to be alone, so she thought she should keep me company while I was alone to make me feel better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 128

Today, the instructions on my new IKEA bed made me cry. It includes a picture of a person working alone with a frown crossed out and is replaced by two smiling people working together. I have no one in my life to help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 282

You deserved it 4 849

Today, we had a safety meeting at my warehouse job. They had an entire PowerPoint based around their message, "Stop getting hurt; it costs the company too much money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 537

You deserved it 4 230

Today, I went to the doctor, who confirmed I have a minor infection 'down there'. It’s not sexually transmitted, but since there were no obvious symptoms, he asked how I knew something was wrong, I just couldn’t tell him my husband was going down on me and noticed it tasted different from normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 269

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to throw me against the wall and kiss me like they do in the movies. Being all aggressive and smooth, he grabs my shirt and pushes me. He pushed a little too hard and my head was thrown back into the wall. I was knocked out for ten minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 206

You deserved it 6 310