The Top

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By Desperate_measures - 16/01/2010 12:22 - Greece

Today, I got a text from my crush. In my clumsy attempt to quickly grab the phone, I knocked it off the kitchen counter and cracked the screen. After driving to my friend's house so I could put my sim card in her phone, I saw that the text said, "Who is this? Stop texting me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 116

You deserved it 14 795

By rj93 - 05/11/2011 13:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned if you dream you're having a piss, you most likely are having a piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 394

You deserved it 5 859

By Bulldogs09 - 01/07/2009 04:41 - France

Today, I finally hooked up with the boy of my dreams at a party. Later, while on AIM, I noticed one of his friend's away messages was a quote from the guy's screen name, which said, "I can't believe what I stick my dick In sometimes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 762

You deserved it 12 477

By grossesfesses - 15/05/2013 06:58 - France - Compi?gne

Today, in the doctor's waiting room, a little boy asked me for a cookie. I told him that I didn't have any. He replied, "But my mom says that ladies with big butts always have cookies in their handbags." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 891

You deserved it 6 427

By Anonymous - 01/10/2012 23:15 - United States - Providence

Today, I asked a girl in my building out. She said yes, and told me her fee per hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 323

You deserved it 2 775

By makiju - 13/11/2012 21:23 - France - M?zi?res-sur-seine

Today, I was severely chewed out by my boss because, according to him, I look down on him too often. I'm 6ft5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 629

You deserved it 1 988

Betrayed

By Whaaaaaaa - 02/03/2023 12:00

Today, my mom had a fit and confessed that my grandfather is also my father. Apparently, I was the product of a rape and she further confessed that she was going to abort me but chose not to, and she regrets her decision. What caused this conversation? Me watching the season 4 of "You" without telling her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 585

You deserved it 175

By lebowski101 - 03/11/2011 01:45 - Canada

Today, I was invited to a party to celebrate my ex-fiancée's recent engagement. The party is at work, because my ex is also my boss. Her new fiancée is some guy she met while on a "business trip" that happened while we were still engaged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 928

You deserved it 3 021

This is war!

By Kilimanjaro - 03/04/2012 04:41 - France

Today, the war against the pigeons on my veranda reached a new level. To try and get them to clear off, I gave my window pane a short, sharp knock. It broke into several shards, and not one of the totally oblivious birds moved. Pigeons 1, Me 0. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 076

You deserved it 6 076

The Glastonbury experience goes worldwide

By Anonymous - 04/03/2023 02:00

Today, I went to a music festival in an area where the weather is practically sunny all year round, but for this special occasion it rained the whole time, turning the venue into a giant mud pit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 811

You deserved it 157

News to me

By annoyed - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Houston

Today, my mother texted me that she was in labor. She never told me she was pregnant. Apparently she's engaged too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 795

You deserved it 2 469

Logic

By yourfault - 02/09/2013 15:10 - United Kingdom - Kingston

Today, my boyfriend blamed me for his affair, because apparently I "should have made it clear to him" not to have sex with other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 986

You deserved it 6 786

Square eyes

By comedybreak - 30/10/2011 16:31 - United States

Today, my doctor told me that the reason I'm losing my eyesight is because I'm straining my eyes, and that the best thing for me to do is to limit my time in front of computers. I spent years in college to get my current job which involves sitting in front of computers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 288

You deserved it 2 760

By Saucy - 26/06/2009 22:03 - United States

Today, I got marinara sauce on my new white shirt. I went in my desk for my Tide-To-Go pen and started using it on the spot. Turns out orange highlighters look a lot like Tide-To-Go pens when you don't look closely enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 591

You deserved it 50 605

Creepy

By TraumaPhobe - 02/01/2022 16:58

Today, I went out in public for the first time in four months since I was mugged and stabbed. Today, I also found out the guy who did it was out on bail. I discovered this walking across the road from the shopping centre where it happened, and he was crossing the road towards me, smiling the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 716

You deserved it 110

Freaked out

By AnxietyGirl - 24/09/2012 07:18 - United States - Parker

Today, I had to admit that I desperately need anti-anxiety medication. Apparently, when you walk around a grocery store avoiding eye contact and generally acting "sketchy", management will call the police on you, who will then pat you down to be sure you aren't shoplifting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 640

You deserved it 2 559

The trail

By Anonymous - 10/01/2010 10:45 - Canada

Today, I was wondering why my home smelled so weird, until I found out that my 4 year old son had been secretly scattering around food he didn't like to eat throughout the house. How did I find out? No one else in this family leaves half eaten spinach all over my underwear drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 886

You deserved it 3 900

By ArmyMan - 24/06/2009 16:37 - United Arab Emirates

Today, I enlisted for The Navy because my Boy Scout leader encouraged me. He fought in Korea and is a real inspiration. I asked him what motivated him to join The Navy. He said he was drunk and didn't remember joining until he was called up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 828

You deserved it 9 936

By minibuch1505 - 21/09/2012 11:31 - France - Halluin

Today, as I was waiting for my girlfriend in the street, I saw a woman who looked a lot like her. I ran towards her, my arms in the air ready to give her a hug, only to realise it wasn't her. I then had to pass the woman, my arms in the air, still running. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 113

By crappy_day - 09/01/2010 02:09 - United States

Today, as I went to the bathroom in a port-a-potty at a park, I forgot to lock the door. A little girl opens the door and then slams it right away. As she walked away I heard her say "no, there's a man in there". I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 623

You deserved it 5 789

Weekend Plans

By FML Videos - 26/10/2018 18:30

Nopenopenopenopenope.

I agree, your life sucks 252

You deserved it 71

By KatVanGogh - 26/08/2013 01:16 - United States - Drexel Hill

Today, my mom is convinced that my cat is the reincarnation of Vincent van Gogh. Why? He sleeps under my sunflowers and is a ginger tabby cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 406

You deserved it 3 180

By Al - 22/06/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I was walking around the park with my wife. Out of nowhere, a little girl on a bicycle slammed in to me, knocking me to the ground. As I rolled over, sure that my ankle was broken, her father ran over to me. He screamed, "Watch where you're going, douchebag!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 950

You deserved it 3 358

By noluckwhatsoever - 06/01/2010 16:44 - United States

Today, after months of job hunting, I got a call back for a position. I was outside at the time and had no pen or paper available to write the address down. I told the guy to call me back in 5 minutes and he agreed. It's been 3 hours and still no call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 029

You deserved it 30 542

Vanilla Ice

By NotInterested - 23/08/2013 06:23 - United States

Today, I was walking home when I made eye contact with some guy, just being friendly. He then started rapping at me while pointing at his dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 121

You deserved it 4 644

By cmd102 - 20/10/2011 21:18 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend to see if he wanted to come over to my house. He said he couldn't because he was out of town. That would have be perfectly acceptable, if I hadn't called him on his house phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 456

You deserved it 3 373

By shitty candles - 01/12/2014 07:30 - United States - Issaquah

Today, I dug out the 5 fancy, extremely expensive candles I bought during Black Friday. I lit one up, and was delighted that it smelled so great. My mother then walked into my room and stated that it smelled "like shit". The other four were going to be a Christmas gift for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 612

You deserved it 3 716

By thissucks - 20/06/2009 01:12 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 2 months found out she was 4 months pregnant with her ex's baby. She told me I could leave her and she wouldn't blame me, but I decided to stay with her. She told me she loved me and then dumped me because she needed to be with her baby's daddy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 664

You deserved it 6 925

It's the thought that counts

By come on man - 29/11/2014 17:03 - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 549

You deserved it 7 452

The cheek of some people

By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 14:02

Today, the girl my ex-husband cheated on me with, and left me for, called me and asked for money to bail him out of jail. She asked me because I have my own business and I'm financially stable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 519

You deserved it 123

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The Top

Today, I stepped on the MacBook Air I purchased 4 days ago. The screen snapped in two, and I didn't buy insurance because I promised myself I would be "extra careful." $3500 well spent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 834

You deserved it 70 608

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met on Tinder. After chatting in a pub, we went for a walk at the marina nearby. He tried to have sex with me bareback behind the lighthouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 846

You deserved it 722

Today, my roommate thought that "sour milk" would taste like sour candy. She left a jug of milk out for two days, then took a huge gulp, vomited everywhere, and dropped the jug. Now the kitchen stinks of rotten dairy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 86

Today, I'm so lonely that I actually convinced myself it was by choice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 187

Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 568

You deserved it 6 881

Today, I received a tip in Monopoly money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 870

You deserved it 151