The Top

Just to answer a few questions... He's 18. I'm almost certain it was about the sex- I don't mind when I'm light, but at the start the cramps are unbearable, so no sex, not oral either. And he's just ignorant- he's actually a very intelligent person. This is the OP btw, not sure if the name will come up the same.

Get packing!

By Anonymous - 03/09/2009 09:48 - United States

Today, I was able to check my voicemail and email for the first time in two weeks. The only message I got was from my landlord telling me that the house I'm renting is in foreclosure, and I needed to have all my stuff out in ten days. He left the message nine days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 331

You deserved it 5 797

By fmyhabit - 15/04/2011 05:34 - United States

Today, I accidentally pocket dialed my sister while I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 881

You deserved it 57 461

School's out

By Ray Mundo - 18/07/2021 16:01

Today, I was at my school's choir concert, sitting in the audience with some people I had classes with. A guy with a really long beard walked in and I pointed him out to the guy next to me, saying, "Get a load of Duck Dynasty." He replied, "Yeah, that's my dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 249

You deserved it 1 484

By Bella - 15/01/2013 18:57 - United States - Sanford

Today, my boyfriend yet again decided to act like Edward Cullen from Twilight, and got his friend to act like Jacob. Every time they're around, my boyfriend always looks stoned and constipated, and his friend is shirtless. I feel like I'm in a shitty romance movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 148

You deserved it 7 853

Nasty

By Anonymous - 08/02/2012 17:45

Today, I was attacked by a bird at three in the morning. The bird was being attacked by an owl, and it decided the safest place to land wasn't in a tree, but my face. No one will believe me, despite the 12 stitches across my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 026

You deserved it 2 233

By SOdamnNervous - 29/08/2009 18:06 - United States

Today, I had to give a speech on the importance of dental hygiene. I got really nervous, so I did what I've heard in movies. I pictured everyone naked, began staring at a hot blonde in the front, and got hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 589

You deserved it 53 269

Check her out

By minnie - 28/08/2009 18:30 - United States

Today, I was feeling sick and I farted really loud in the school's girls bathroom. Some boys overheard from the hall and called everyone over. I came out only to find about 20 guys staring anxiously at the bathroom's door to see who I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 832

You deserved it 6 916

Birthday boy

By GiraffeLover - 11/01/2013 11:36 - Australia

Today, my 17 year-old boyfriend's mother bought him a giraffe onesie. He refused to take it off and insisted on wearing it everywhere we go. We live in Australia and it's our summer now. So far he has passed out 3 times in public because he overheated, but he still won't take it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 582

You deserved it 7 115

Sink-dodger alert!

By penpendesrapen - 11/03/2010 00:40 - Philippines

Today, I went to the bathroom to take a piss. While washing my hands, I heard someone taking a large dump in one of the stalls. When he was finished, he left the bathroom without washing his hands. Turns out he was the IT guy I called to fix my computer. He sat down on my chair and used my keyboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 430

You deserved it 2 505

Meat Market

By Kelsey - 06/04/2020 17:00

Today, I had a doctor's appointment and my doctor had to examine my abdomen. I'm generally a pretty fit woman. After touching my abdomen, my doctor called me "the perfect specimen" and asked me if I was single because his son is also single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 064

You deserved it 265

Backhanded

By kiwi - 13/02/2009 19:24 - United Kingdom

Today, as I was getting dressed after having sex with a guy I like, he told me I looked better with my clothes on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 441

You deserved it 5 622

Mask off

By Anonymous - 09/04/2020 20:00 - India

Today, I found out that the guy I've been dating for a year is and always has been gay. I was apparently "an amazingly convenient beard" for his ultra-religious family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 970

You deserved it 216

By Anonymous - 27/01/2012 22:03 - United States

Today, I had to make a doctor's appointment for my daughter. Apparently she thought it would be better to wipe herself with Clorox tough scrub disinfecting wipes than tell me she'd caught an STD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 169

You deserved it 3 943

By WasZumTeufel? - 01/01/2013 00:55 - Germany - Kabel

Today, my boyfriend took me to his house and introduced me to his parents. He also showed me around his bedroom. I think he forgot to remove the dartboard on his wall, taped to which was a swiss-cheesed printout of one of my Facebook photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 576

You deserved it 3 929

Doing his part

By asshole - 19/04/2020 20:00

Today, I found out that while I was at my job as an "essential" employee, my laid-off boyfriend was at home banging the landlord's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 816

You deserved it 197

Caught in the act

By Anonymous - 12/08/2021 14:01

Today, I went to a party and saw my current boyfriend making out with my ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 289

You deserved it 144

By Noname - 06/02/2009 18:25 - United States

Today, I found some porn videos in my parents room. I put them in and began to toss off, but as the camera moved up I realized it was my mom and my step-dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 756

You deserved it 52 881

Going nowhere fast

By Shewhoisprobablyafurry - 03/05/2020 02:00

Today, I have a massive crush on a fictional character. Who happens to be an ermine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 1 209

By Foxy - 05/02/2009 14:06 - United States

Today, I had just gotten over the flu and thought I was better. So me and my boyfriend decided to have sex. As I was about to orgasm, I puked all over his face. He was so disgusted that he ended up throwing up on me as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 387

You deserved it 26 895

Wanker

By alicia - 20/12/2012 22:45 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 343

You deserved it 11 989

By hornyloser770 - 01/03/2010 02:15 - France

Today, I had just finished riding my bike when I ran into the girl I am secretly in love with. While I walked over to her I got an erection through my spandex biking shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 409

You deserved it 11 036

Dressed for success

By wtf - 03/02/2009 03:28 - United States

Today, I stuffed my buttcrack with toilet paper right before my job interview because I tend to sweat there a lot and I was wearing a white skirt. I went to the bathroom afterward to take it out but it wasn't there anymore. It could have only gone up two places. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 774

You deserved it 15 598

Boo!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my toaster scared me. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 837

You deserved it 28 259

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I got in a minor car accident because my mom had to check how many likes her last photo on Instagram had while driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 776

You deserved it 3 955

Today, I watched my boyfriend flirt with a cashier and write down his number for her, through the liquor store window, while I sat in the car waiting for him to finish buying things for our "romantic movie night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 441

You deserved it 5 269

Today, I discovered that you should always unplug the electric mixer before licking the beaters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 376

You deserved it 66 295

Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 304

You deserved it 20 819

Today, my boss asked me to pick up an extra shift. I said I couldn't because I have a date. He told me I didn't need to lie and to just say no next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 600

You deserved it 2 853

Today, I’m bisexual and recently started dating my girlfriend who’s a lesbian. I made a complete fool of myself when we were about to have sex because out of habit I asked if she had any condoms. Sex makes me dumb I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 196

You deserved it 342