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Hi! OP here- I didn't realize this was ever published and I finally bothered logging back into my account after 2 years. I'm a girl- so it was less traumatic than it would have been if I was a boy. For those wondering, my mom had her uterus removed , so you can bet she couldn't bend down to put it up. The doctor said the cream was better than the pill so hence that's how I ended up there ...

Wakey wakey

By gumbymn - 17/03/2021 00:30

Today, I asked Alexa to turn on my baby's white noise machine. Instead, she started playing Pharrell Williams's "Happy" while the baby was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 411

By sierra.sl31 - 28/07/2019 22:00

Today, my boyfriend of over a year decided he wants us to wait to get married before having sex again, after we've had sex almost every night of being together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 024

You deserved it 282

You OK?

By Anonymous - 21/03/2021 17:01 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, while I was working in the drive-through at work, a lady was wearing kitchen oven-mitts and a snorkeling mask instead of gloves and a mask to pick up her prescription. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 119

By Fuck you, Dad. Fuck you. - 19/06/2014 21:05 - Sweden - Sundbyberg

Today, I asked my dad if he'd like to see the photos of my wedding, which he didn't bother to come to. Reply: "What the fuck, are you gay or something? Keep that homo stuff to yourself." My wife started laughing so hard she was crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 841

You deserved it 5 405

Face it!

By MooCow - 13/07/2011 03:13 - United States

Today, my best friend told me to face my fear of cows and hop over the fence in with them. This resulted in me being chased by a raging cow, and thrusting myself head first over a fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 610

You deserved it 15 807

When pranking goes too far

By Anonymous - 27/03/2021 20:01

Today, my husband has both arms broken, and I have to help him in the bathroom. Not the problem. My girlfriends and I have been pranking each other lately and it's been fun, but they decided to slip my husband slip him some laxatives so that I would have to clean him him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 078

You deserved it 202

By shizzy09 - 13/04/2009 20:09 - United States

Today, I took my 4-year-old daughter to the local pool for swim lessons. As we walked onto the deck she turned to me and said "Mom, that lady has really big boobs!" The whole pool heard, even the man my daughter was referring to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 533

You deserved it 5 145

Small world, eh?

By Anonymous - 10/09/2023 06:00

Today, my husband is in the garden smashing a tree stump with a sledgehammer because our 22 year-old daughter brought her first serious boyfriend home. He’s my husband's boss, a man-whore who has been bragging about all the nasty stuff his new girlfriend does to him in bed, unaware of who her dad was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 294

You deserved it 129

By shudson186 - 11/06/2014 00:25 - Canada - Meaford

Today, I got a very serious case of the shits while in the middle of trying to close a sale, and had to run to the bathroom. My coworker picked up the sale, stealing all the commission in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 371

You deserved it 6 269

shudson186 tells us more.

shudson186 17

Wednesday 11 June 2014 16:27

OP here, this is very embarrassing. This client was actually a very good friend of mine and I told her I would be back in a few moments. She understood completely I just informed her to place it at the cash. My coworker however did come along to ring her through placing the items under her name in the system. Which made me lose out on a $500 dollar sale. So far management has done nothing, but I think she does feel bad because she knew she was in the wrong. My mistake though for eating a big unhealthy breakfast that did not agree with my bowels. For future I take this into consideration.

By hanzastfu - 26/10/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, I was spending time with my boyfriend for the first time in two weeks. I started tearing up and telling him that I feel like he never has time for me anymore. He responded with, "I'm hungry." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 804

You deserved it 9 342

By Brinty - 24/10/2009 04:26 - Australia

Today, I found my brand new tropical fish dead in its tank because my boyfriend got drunk last night and decided to pour red wine into the aquarium. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 502

You deserved it 3 571

April Fool's

By Ballprankster - 02/04/2021 22:57 - United States - New York

Today, I wanted to prank my husband and filled a kitchen cabinet with tennis balls. Not sure what was funnier, seeing his reaction when all the balls fell out, or the fact that before he got home, I forgot that I had placed the balls there and opened the cabinet myself. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 1 478

By IJustWantedCheez - 27/09/2016 17:37 - United States - San Antonio

Today, while on break from work, I went to the cafeteria and bought cheese cubes. One of my coworkers, who is usually very pleasant, asked to try some and I said yes. She ate all the cheddar cubes in the bowl, which are the only ones I like. I wasted $3 for someone else to eat my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 052

You deserved it 3 053

By jjcod - 31/05/2014 09:13 - United Kingdom - London

Today, freshly dumped and at a bar, I focussed my attention on trying to stand in such a way that I looked like an attractive, alluring, confident person. Apparently I forgot how to successfully stand upright and sprained my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 288

You deserved it 10 236

Crybabies

By PooperParty - 05/04/2021 11:00

Today, I had an Easter Egg Hunt in my backyard for my kids. When they collected all the eggs, they opened them and to their dismay there was no candy inside. When I bought them, I thought they already came with candy. It’s been two hours and my kids won’t stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 1 842

OCD FML

By necca - 15/04/2021 23:00

Today, during class, my teacher left a small mark on the whiteboard. When I pointed it out, she simply rolled her eyes and told me to, “let it go.” I have OCD and was completely unable to focus on the rest of the lesson because of the mark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 747

By ishouldhavebeenbornrich - 14/09/2016 16:28

Today, at work, a man wanted to buy a garden hose which came up on the till as £1.99. He said that it was wrong and that it should be £1.89, so he then demanded that I call someone down to set it right. He held 20 customers up for 15 minutes to get 10p off a garden hose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 596

You deserved it 1 245

By Anonymous - 04/04/2009 12:08 - Australia

Today, I slept over at my boyfriend's house and he offered to give me a massage, as he'd found a book on sensual massage and wanted to test it out on me. When he went to the bathroom, I found the book open on his desk- at "Massage to eliminate cellulite". FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 221

You deserved it 7 777

By Julie - 26/08/2019 04:00

Today, I had red eyes from crying, and everyone assumed that my mom, who has been seriously ill, had died so they tried comforting me. It was quite embarrassing to have to tell them that it was because I'd just watched the last episode of season 4 of Veronica Mars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 256

You deserved it 723

By Few_Absolutes - 12/10/2009 18:10 - United States

Today, at work, my stomach hurt and I passed gas for relief. Moments later, I discovered that my loose, silent "fart" was actually a wet, sneaky shart. The mess was beyond repair; I had to fake a family emergency and crept out of the office so that my coworkers wouldn't see my obvious crap stain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 264

You deserved it 8 824

Few_Absolutes tells us more.

Few_Absolutes 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 19:23

Wellllll ... I'm not 100% sure that someone DIDN'T see it. People are such backstabbers in my office that no one would ever say it to your face; they'd just gossip about you at the water cooler.