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By MBC - 22/02/2011 01:21 - United States

Today, after my two credit cards were stolen, thousands were charged before I could cancel. The thief dropped nearly $1,000 at Juicy Couture, so she/he is somewhere laughing at me in a magenta, rhinestoned "leisure suit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 291

You deserved it 3 732

Disclosure

By ummm eww - 12/06/2020 20:05

Today, my friend and I decided to have a "special intimate" moment together at his house. As soon as I start to really get into it, he said to me, "I sort of wanna do your mom." Way to kill the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 041

You deserved it 288

Identity crisis

By nato - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boss called me Dave. Now everyone actually thinks my name is Dave. It's Nathan. I've been working there for 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 937

You deserved it 2 449

By Ferniferousfern - 20/08/2018 18:30

Today, I sat down to use the bathroom after a long day of work. My toilet, however, had other plans, as a spontaneous, ear shattering crack flooded the entire bathroom, soaking the outer carpet and shorting out my bathroom scale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 973

You deserved it 158

Hello?

By Username - 18/02/2011 09:33

Today, at work, my phone rang. My intern answered it and told me it was a coworker who'd just left. I picked up and said "What's up bitch? What are you going to complain about now?!" It was actually my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 031

You deserved it 44 965

By pisspantsjob - 31/07/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, at work, I fell asleep. This is how I discovered that when I'm sleeping, and am scared awake by my boss with an air horn, I yelp louder than a terrier and piss my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 766

You deserved it 49 335

Running commentary

By lukey101 - 25/06/2020 17:02

Today, the Snapchat that I was taking of my car being washed, including my commentary like, "Oooh yeah, get into it baby," was replayed loudly through my car via Bluetooth while the workers were inside and all around washing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 541

You deserved it 2 106

By bathtime - 21/12/2011 04:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend started freaking out about how his penis floats in water. Baths with him will never be the same again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 984

You deserved it 4 224

By Colton - 20/12/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 984

You deserved it 50 653

By Anonymous - 19/12/2011 01:24 - United States

Today, I made a fake Facebook account for a girl, and then set my relationship status to make it look like the fake person was my girlfriend. Someone found out and hacked the fake account. My fake girlfriend just dumped me over Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 670

You deserved it 64 362

Casual patriarchy

By Anonymous - 31/12/2022 18:00

Today, my husband more or less said to our daughter, "I just met an old friend, he has a son you should marry because my old friend is really rich.” It’s been an hour and he’s cowering in his chair because our daughter is still yelling at him, and it serves him right, but now I have a headache from the noise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 034

You deserved it 268

By Anonymous - 23/10/2013 16:04 - Canada - Richmond

Today, I witnessed my boyfriend taking a dump in the litter box. He said he wanted to know what it felt like for the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 493

You deserved it 5 843

By Hm - 08/02/2010 04:03 - United States

Today, I found out the love of my life, my husband, is cheating on me. When I confronted him about it, his response was, "Don't blame me, you're the gullible bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 588

You deserved it 4 021

By Anonymous - 09/02/2015 20:42 - Australia - Blacktown

Today, I won a game of Monopoly against my girlfriend. She reacted by sweeping the board off the table, storming out the front door, and mowing down my mailbox driving away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 859

You deserved it 4 340

Mid-life crisis guys

By Choppedliver - 13/01/2023 14:00

Today, my husband is divorcing me, leaving our 4 children behind because, and I quote, “She’s 22, 5’3 with perky tits and ass, you don’t find women like these often.” I asked him three times if he was serious. He said, “As serious as a heart attack.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 745

You deserved it 262

By Anonymous - 07/02/2015 18:32 - United Kingdom - Wallasey

Today, my sister tried to convince me to go to a plastic surgeon, because "Bitchface Syndrome's no joke." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 277

You deserved it 3 943

By Quasimodo - 18/10/2013 12:40 - Norway - Ytre Arna

Today, I was pushed off of a glacier by a very angry tourist. Why? I work as a glacier guide, and apparently some people find it overly frustrating to be informed that there isn't a café on the glacier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 406

You deserved it 3 091

Ban appeals time

By Anonymous - 06/01/2023 09:00 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was playing my favorite online game when I had to use the bathroom. While I was away for five minutes, my little sister went on my laptop, typed the “N-word” in chat, and got me banned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 470

By boostedsaab - 05/02/2010 05:35 - France

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she can't treat me like the way I treat her. She said, "because you love me more than I love you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 739

You deserved it 4 491

By IDon't - 13/10/2013 10:49 - Australia - Berkeley Vale

Today, my fiancée told me she can't marry me. Our wedding day is tomorrow and around 20 of our 180 guests attending have travelled half way around the world just for the occasion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 178

You deserved it 3 774

By (-__- ) ( ^.^) - 11/10/2013 21:00 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, trying to be romantic, I started coming on to my wife while in bed, only for her to yet again say she wasn't in the mood. When I asked why she never is lately, she sarcastically blamed it on the government shutdown, then rolled over to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 056

You deserved it 6 356

By HeatoN - 22/12/2008 01:44 - Germany

Today, I was browsing the internet and I found a picture of my girlfriend on uglypeople.com. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 630

You deserved it 7 370

By Anonymous - 20/09/2018 22:30

Today, I was headed towards the unisex bathroom at physical therapy when another patient looked up at me and quickly looked away. I knew instantly and prepared for the smell, but I wasn't expecting remnants still floating in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 433

You deserved it 189

I wanna be oppressed so bad

By Anonymous - 14/10/2021 02:00

Today, I found my 30 year-old sister-in-law's TikTok. All she posts on it is indigenous issues and goes on rants about how hard life is for her and her ancestors. She's white, but claims to be Blackfoot and "white passing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 119

By pops up - 01/12/2011 22:25 - United States

Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 420

You deserved it 10 668

By Mak1 - 05/12/2008 08:12 - Belgium

Today, my boyfriend told me in a very natural way that my mother is better at sex than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 793

You deserved it 4 697

Tough one

By Anonymous - 11/11/2021 05:00

Today, after I recently jabbed in the spine by a nail, cracking the bone and causing some spinal cord damage, I can now still walk, but I'm now incapable of getting an erection, potentially forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 036

You deserved it 107

By me. - 15/07/2009 08:02 - United States

Today, at 3:00 am, I sat with my 3 year-old daughter while she tried to go back to sleep. She'd had a nightmare, and I'd read that "not leaving" was the most important thing a father could do. My wife woke and called me a pervert for sitting there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 500

You deserved it 3 360

By raaquel - 25/01/2011 06:10 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend of 5 years has been cheating on me with a Realtor. The same Realtor who helped me sell my condo so I could move in with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 226

You deserved it 3 036

By JackOLantern - 13/07/2009 20:16 - Satellite Provider

Today, I proposed to a girl I'd been in love with for 6 years. I filled the balcony of the building where I'd first laid eyes on her with innumerable roses and, under the starlit sky, I did it. She later posted on facebook 'OMG. This geek I knew from high school did the FUNNIEST thing today'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 850

You deserved it 33 202

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The Top

Today, my girl and I got in a huge fight. Because I cuddled with her the wrong way. While I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 585

You deserved it 1 098

Today, my boyfriend of five years got me a ring for Christmas. When I opened it, I was speechless and overjoyed. He then said, "It's just a ring. It doesn't mean anything." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 073

You deserved it 5 820

Today, my wife was about to take a shower, when she called me into the bathroom. She stripped me off and pulled me in with her. As I started to get into it, she sighed, "Thank god. You really needed a shower." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 705

You deserved it 40 306

Today, I finally had a chance to get outside after receiving shrapnel to my leg. My crutches had not yet arrived so I didn't want to risk it, but my buddies said they had my back. We went to the seaside and I sat down as they say they'd be right back. It started to rain and everyone forgot me. I can stand, but not walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 097

You deserved it 585

Today, I made out with a handsome man in the restroom at a party. There was a knock on the door, interrupting us. It was his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 958

You deserved it 1 449

Today, my wife inherited her grandparents' farm in Hawaii and she is now dead-set on uprooting our kids and everything, and moving the family there. I keep telling her that just isn't feasible or financially possible, but she won't take no for an answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 110