The Top

Basically, he's had hamsters that have dies before, and we always gave them a funeral... so I didn't want to bury him in a plastic tube so my husband gave me the job of removing the hamster....

Dumbass

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 001

You deserved it 255

By Anonymous - 25/04/2013 15:10 - Canada - Midland

Today, I was excited for my first date in a while, with a "tall handsome business man." Turns out he "doesn't feel emotions anymore", likes getting peed on, and "doesn't do condoms." Thanks, internet dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 000

You deserved it 15 337

By Anonymous - 10/05/2012 20:33 - United States - Walpole

Today, I was at a restaurant with my kids. I told my 13 year old about how the very first time she said she loved me. She was 2 and it was at this very restaurant. I told her the details and even started tearing up a little. She didn't even look up from her cell phone and said, "That's fab, ma." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 259

You deserved it 8 795

By dumped - 23/08/2015 10:22 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I told my friend about a fight I had earlier with my girlfriend. He thought it'd be funny to use my phone while I was in the bathroom and text her "ure such a cunt". She wouldn't believe the truth, even when my friend confessed to her. She thought I paid him to take the fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 514

You deserved it 2 484

By kittyjoe - 08/08/2019 16:00 - Australia

Today, while feeling sorry for myself that I can't find a guy, a girl on the talk show I was watching said, "You're never gonna find a guy sitting at home in your jammies with the cat." I'm sitting at home in my jammies with the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 413

You deserved it 837

Party time!

By Kate - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom said we are having a party for the 4th of July. Her definition of a party is my grandma coming over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 178

You deserved it 4 087

Cool beans

By oopsiecoffee - 09/04/2009 06:40 - Canada

Today, I went into a small coffee shop. In line, a guy came up to me and was like, "I haven't seen you here before, are you new in town?" and I replied with, "Oh, no I've lived here for years. The coffee here is crap, though, so I only come here when Starbucks is full." He's the owner of the shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 338

You deserved it 76 792

Uprising

By ineedanewjob - 09/04/2009 00:34 - United States

Today, I got all my co-workers motivated. We were all going to quit and walk out the door. I went first. I gave an emotional speech to my boss and threw my uniform to the ground. Then I turned around to to see the rest follow, they all began laughing. They didn't. They WANTED me to quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 048

You deserved it 36 252

By internetloser - 16/08/2017 16:15 - United States - Kewaskum

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. How, you may ask? He used the Adult Swim "We should see other people" commercial. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 619

You deserved it 303

By whoops - 25/05/2014 21:23 - United States - Spring Hill

Today, thanks to my phone's shitty predictive text combined with me being half-asleep, I accidentally offered my heartbroken buddy "oral support" if he ever needs it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 081

You deserved it 10 225

By BarBacked - 15/04/2013 07:31 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor to inquire about the nasty rash on my arms. He concluded that I'm allergic to beer and the rash will go away if I stay away from it. I'm a bartender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 617

You deserved it 4 097

Thanks, I hate it

By AmICrappyEveryOtherDay - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I received my first compliment in a really long time. It went, "Hey, you don't look like crap today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 866

You deserved it 4 430

By Anonymous - 12/04/2013 15:34 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 574

You deserved it 11 828

By Squeezebox - 30/08/2017 08:00 - United States - Missoula

Today, my son ruined our fairly new 60 inch smart TV by giving it a bath with his squirt gun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 258

You deserved it 586

By SofiMarti - 24/08/2019 00:02 - Argentina - Buenos Aires

Today, my mom was named principal of the school I go to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 794

You deserved it 240

By hatelittleboys - 15/10/2009 17:04 - United States

Today, I was playing FarmTown and got into a fight with a 14 year old boy. I threatened him with physical violence, and he reported me. I'm 23 years old and got banned from a virtual farming game for threatening children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 983

You deserved it 64 409

Fear Factor

By superconfused16 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while leaving a restaurant, a little boy grabbed onto my leg and screamed, "Mommy! Don't leave me!" Then he looked up at my face, said, "Ewww," and ran away screaming in fear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 679

You deserved it 4 565

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 428

You deserved it 43 643

Today, I saw a video of myself filmed last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming, "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" while naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 184

Today, I was at my work. To urge people to be generous, I paid my friends to put 15 bucks in the tip jar while saying how great I was. He did this about ten times throughout the day. Turns out, us employees don't get to keep the tips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 010

You deserved it 28 675

Today, I spent ages at CVS waiting for a flu shot. The main cause of holdup was a disagreement between the pharmacist and the insurance company over 4 cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 218

You deserved it 2 735

Today, I took my laptop to I.T. to fix my internet. Only after I left did I realise my memory technique for remembering the stages of mitosis (Iraqi penis man anally transmits chlamydia) was left as a sticky note on my desktop. The guy definitely noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 534

You deserved it 11 944

Today, and for a while, I’ve noticed one of my closest friends getting a little to friendly with my boyfriend. Maybe I’m just reading too far into it, but then again maybe I’m not? I really want to be wrong about this and I’m pretty sure he would never hurt me, but I’m scared something’s going on that I don’t know about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 015

You deserved it 297