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By kewlio45 - 01/07/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, the dentist sneezed in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 021

You deserved it 6 336

On my way!

By ButNotBed - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I was told to be at a job site bright and early. I woke up and pounded several body smashing drinks to get going. They then called to tell me work was canceled due to weather. It's 6am. I can’t get back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 643

You deserved it 1 028

Just a dream

By Anonymous - 06/02/2020 01:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, at midnight, I heard my son calling for his mom. I stopped by his room and asked him what was wrong? He didn't tell me. Instead, he said: "Oh, I don't need you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 911

You deserved it 224

By anonymous - 23/12/2014 11:28 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I was yelled at in public for staring at a guy in a wheelchair. I was staring because he was so good looking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 304

You deserved it 4 721

Biblical

By Anonymous - 26/12/2021 20:01

Today, my son has a habit of picking on his little brother when in a bad mood. I heard a massive crash and found him out cold with his little brother holding a homemade slingshot and a bunch of rocks. Apparently, in school they just learned about David and Goliath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 019

You deserved it 509

By Rachel - 12/02/2016 06:26 - United States - Burton

Today, I found out that every time my boyfriend has cutely joked about my clothes not matching while we're just lounging around the house, he's really been hoping I would catch on that he thinks I look like a slob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 088

You deserved it 3 769

Sneaking Out

By FML Videos - 18/10/2018 18:30

Slow and steady isn't winning this race!

I agree, your life sucks 266

You deserved it 72

By James - 08/02/2016 22:55 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, the power in my village went out. This caused the back-up battery powered alarm to go off. Nobody in the house even knew our alarm worked, let alone how to make it stop. It's been going off for over an hour now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 400

You deserved it 1 787

Pull!

By buttpicker - 19/04/2010 23:24 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 613

You deserved it 4 601

By Anonymous - 12/11/2018 18:00

Today, my brother threw a mug at my head and threatened to stab anybody who came at him because I woke him up for school. I called the police after threats were thrown at my mom, who then lied to them and said I overreacted. I'm currently getting the silent treatment from my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 316

You deserved it 440

By gingerlover01 - 30/01/2016 15:57 - United States

Today, when I went to see my therapist, she handed me a tube of tooth paste and said, "Please use it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 199

You deserved it 9 023

gingerlover01 tells us more.

gingerlover01 24

Sunday 31 January 2016 19:10

I love how politely that was put but I do brush my teeth I just drink to much coffee and tea apparently

By farts - 22/11/2018 17:30

Today, my brother who routinely marred my life by stealing from me, fighting me, and isolating me from my own family, made his hollow AA apology to me so he'll feel better. My parents employ him, bought his car and house, and pay his insurance. I've been in poverty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 428

You deserved it 234

Dear Prudish

By Anonymous - 04/01/2022 01:59

Spicy

Today, I got a job with a filmmaking company, turned up on my first day, and now I know why I'd never heard of the company before. Porn. They were making porn, all kinds of disgusting porn. I quit so fast I was barely even there. This was the only job offer I’ve had since graduation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 9 132

By Anonymous - 14/09/2012 16:51 - United States

Today, my 12 year-old dog died. My boyfriend's attempts to comfort me involved him muttering, "At least she knows how to play dead now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 184

You deserved it 2 399

By Anonymous - 19/10/2011 18:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, my fiancé has been jumping out of closets and from around corners with a video camera, trying to catch me naked. He says he wants to post a video online so his old high school friends can "rate" me. I'm now afraid to get intimate, shower, or even change my clothes in my own home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 268

You deserved it 5 186

By Anonymous - 20/08/2013 17:18 - United States

Today, my ass decided that it was the perfect day to exhibit the diarrhea side-effect of medicine I'm taking. I definitely made a lasting impression on my interviewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 245

You deserved it 2 982

I'm happy for you, but…

By Love stinks - 19/08/2013 13:06 - United States

Today, my band informed me that our gig this afternoon was actually a wedding. Whose wedding? My ex-wife's, along with the guy she cheated on me with. For their first dance, I had to sing what used to be our song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 620

You deserved it 4 769

By Anonymous - 16/08/2013 20:19 - Switzerland

Today, my elderly neighbour was having some kind of house party. It was incredibly loud, so I went and asked if he could tone it down a little. He responded by grabbing a deck chair, smacking me with it, then chasing me back to my house, all while his guests cheered him on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 830

You deserved it 7 601

Fishing

By Veronica - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my dad if he thought my dress was nice, and if guys would go for me. He replied, "Shit, depends on how drunk they are." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 921

You deserved it 5 018

By queen - 30/12/2009 01:29 - Brazil

Spicy

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he tried to put his hand inside my pants. I didn't want it to be that easy so I denied, but he insisted a lot and I finally let him. He started to sing "We Are The Champions." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 992

You deserved it 24 407

By Shoes - 12/06/2009 05:33 - United States

Today, I was helping an old man find a pair of shoes. I told him about a particularly comfortable pair but had to inform him that they only came in black or white. Hearing this, the old man grabbed me around the neck and began to beat me in the head with our display shoe. He wanted brown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 178

You deserved it 4 237

By Neanderthals walk among us - 04/08/2013 19:09 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, a customer screamed at me, because her iced coffee tasted exactly like coffee, and she hates coffee. Sadly, this isn't even the most insane person I've had to deal with at this job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 594

You deserved it 3 157

By Anonymous - 18/08/2012 05:15 - United States

Today, as I was riding my bike, my foot slipped and I did a slow speed-tumble over the top, ripping my balls wide open. Number of stitches: too many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 989

You deserved it 2 665

By Lickmebaby - 12/02/2017 11:00 - United Kingdom - Enfield

Today, I woke up to see my 8-year-old cousin licking my hand. All of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 769

You deserved it 525

By OfficeDroneWoman - 23/07/2013 17:16 - United States - Gaithersburg

Today, we got a new employee at work. I said hi, and told her that if she needed help figuring out our computer system, then to give me a call. She promptly accused me of sexual harassment and filed a complaint against me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 806

You deserved it 3 427

OfficeDroneWoman tells us more.

OfficeDroneWoman 1

Sunday 28 July 2013 5:27

OP here. Some of you noticed it said "woman." Yes, I'm a woman. That's why her complaint made no sense. Glad to report, though, that after a couple days HR got back to me and said I was off the hook, and told her that if she makes any more accusations like that, she'll be fired. She can't even look me in the eye now.

Time out

By Starfucks - 17/12/2015 02:55 - United States - Bensalem

Today, I was in Starbucks with my daughter when she noticed a travel cup she liked. She picked one up and asked for it, but I said no because it was expensive. She angrily slammed it back into its stand and in the process, knocked over a display of ceramic mugs. I had to pay for each broken mug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 901

You deserved it 4 549

Pervs, pervs everywhere

By Anonymous - 11/08/2012 10:33 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I was on the bus when I felt a big yawn coming on, one so big that my mouth stretched and my eyes closed. It was at this point that the strange man beside me decided to lean over at lightning speed and put his tongue in my mouth. Technically it was my first kiss. I'm 21 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 344

You deserved it 5 549

By Anonymous - 06/08/2012 05:03 - United States - Mountain View

Today, my fiancée said that our relationship is doomed because an astrologer said so. We only have a few more days until our wedding and she won't listen to a word I say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 835

You deserved it 2 578

By Anonymous - 10/10/2014 20:38 - United States - Pittsburg

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 073

You deserved it 16 976

Who the **** are you?

By fuckingtrollingskankwhoreshitwankcuntfuck - 13/07/2013 17:33 - United States - Enfield

Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend, when a girl came out of nowhere, screaming at me for cheating on her, and saying she was dumping me. I've never seen her before, and she was almost grinning during her little act, but my girlfriend believed it, and I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 425

You deserved it 4 166

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Today, I found out that my sleep-walking is so bad that I regularly text my friend while I sleep. I have no idea how many times this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 639

You deserved it 3 505

Today, I got yelled at in my office. It's construction, and I'm the youngest woman. One of my male bosses yelled at me because grown-ass adults won't sign in the log. Either I get my ass kicked by construction guys over a sign-in sheet, or yelled at by my boss. I can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 507

You deserved it 1 285

Today, I did the math: I have suffered from crippling depression for a third of my entire existence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 119

Today, I found out that a co-worker of mine that I had originally hired, trained, and mentored to work in my department for the past 4 years had just got the promotion that I had applied for. He is now my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 974

You deserved it 5 436

Today, at work I was sitting on the toilet and a coworker came in and yelled, “That sounded like a big one!” and wouldn't leave until I left came out of the stall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 494

You deserved it 142

I shouldn't have said that...

I agree, your life sucks 239

You deserved it 98