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Oh, the sinning

By Liliannn - 23/09/2021 08:00

Today, I found out I’m pregnant. This would be joyful news, if the father wasn’t my friend’s soon-to-be husband. I’m one of the bridesmaids at their wedding tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 4 573

By Pretty_Pisces - 06/04/2016 19:16 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I met my downstairs neighbor after she repeatedly banged on my floor as a way to quiet me down. I guess I'm not allowed to walk on my floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 835

You deserved it 1 342

Pretty_Pisces tells us more.

Pretty_Pisces 11

Thursday 7 April 2016 14:29

Hey guys this is my FML! Anyway my neighbor downstairs has been trouble since I moved in. My 1 year old can't play with his toys and I can't so much as breathe without her acting passive aggressively toward me. I guess I should give her the benefit of the doubt because the unit above hers was empty for so long? But I met her at the mailbox the other day and told her as much as I tried to be quiet, I'm not dead. I will make a little noise since we live in an older complex. She hasn't really bothered me since then. Thanks for reading!

Prissy

By Anonymous - 29/07/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 612

You deserved it 7 292

By yourstruly - 11/02/2010 19:40 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of someone having sex in the room next to me. I don't have a roommate. Turns out my mom thought I was out of town and used her extra key to bring a guy over for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 761

You deserved it 2 370

By Littlethings1 - 31/03/2016 17:07 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, my hair got stuck in my umbrella. I asked for help from passers-by, but all I got was weird looks as they hurried past me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 217

You deserved it 1 906

By Anonymous - 26/07/2009 17:00 - France

Today, I went to a funeral for my coworker's father. While there, my dad's cell phone rang and he left to answer it. I turned to my brother and said, "I can't believe he brought his cell phone!" He whispered, "I can't believe he's got coverage. This is a dead zone!" I laughed loudly. At a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 762

You deserved it 58 976

By Pottymouth - 25/07/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, I was having really bad diarrhea. I sat down on the toilet and heard a plop, thinking it was just me going to the bathroom. After I was finished, I look in the toilet to see my iPhone sitting in a pool of diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 049

You deserved it 24 566

By jcooh0lla - 24/07/2009 21:30 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he suddenly stopped and walked to the kitchen. He decided to bake chocolate chip cookies in the midst of our intimacy. However, he told me we could still continue while the oven preheated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 813

You deserved it 7 464

By lonely - 08/09/2018 22:00

Today, my boyfriend blocked me from every form of contact. He told my friend that we broke up, but never told me. I still have his clothes in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 188

You deserved it 209

Movie going

By soembarassed - 18/03/2016 18:26 - Vietnam - Ho Chi Minh City

Today, a man kept talking and laughing like an idiot all through the movie I was watching. I thought he was high, so I called him a moron and told him to shut the hell up. It turned out he wasn't high. He was just "special". FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 876

You deserved it 11 398

By kareed3 - 19/07/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, I got a letter in the mail about my periodic health assessment for active duty Soldiers. I came back positive for two curable STD's that are extremely common on Fort Polk. I haven't had sex with anyone but my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 605

You deserved it 4 096

By D - 04/12/2011 07:46 - United States

Today, I was having a rough day and decided to go out for a walk at 1 a.m. to clear my head. I ended up being driven home by two cops, who thought I was prostituting myself at the truck stop. When we arrived, they had a nice conversation with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 685

You deserved it 5 592

By Kyra.45 - 03/10/2013 22:46 - United States - Troy

Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 204

You deserved it 32 525

Accept this gift

By for shite's sake - 17/01/2015 22:24 - United Kingdom - Mirfield

Today, I took my driving test. I was really nervous, but I thought I did pretty well in the end. That is until I parked the car and looked to the examiner. He was visibly shaken. He said I'd passed, quickly filled in the paperwork and left. On the downside, my car still smells of his shart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 691

You deserved it 3 736

No gods, no masters

By musicthief - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Finleyville

Today, I saw my music teacher, who I considered one of my role-models, on TV. Too bad it was because she'd robbed a church. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 860

You deserved it 1 975

Happy Thanksgiving, sort of

By guy - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my entire family came over for Thanksgiving. It went pretty well, only four family members got in a fistfight and only one cop car was called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 498

You deserved it 2 391

By RR - 11/07/2009 05:58 - United States

Today, I went with my sister to get our eyebrows waxed. I didn't think my eyebrows were that bad--and they weren't! When the guy waxed my eyebrows, he gestured my lips and said, "Moustache, too?" Mortified, I said, "No!" to which he replied, "Aw, someone no get kissy tonight." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 509

You deserved it 9 977

By Craigslist is Evil. - 24/09/2013 18:12 - United States - Dickson

Today, my ex-wife put my number on Craigslist as a gay fashion designer needing a one night stand. I only found out when I got a text from an unknown number asking me when was the last time I "ate a black anaconda". FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 340

You deserved it 5 484

Wrong place, wrong time

By Anonymous - 23/08/2020 23:02

Today, my boyfriend are I are staying at his parents' while they are away. While having sex in their bed, the whole bed went crashing to the floor. We have no idea what to do, and we leave tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 2 400

Four to the floor, I was sure…

By jalapeno_popper - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I learned the hard way why they say "four on the floor" at school. I leaned too far back while rocking in the chair and fell off. I grabbed the desk to save myself, and it came down too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 791

You deserved it 35 559

By Anonymous - 10/11/2018 13:30

Today, my sister got fired and I got promoted to her job, got a nice payrise for it. My relationship with my sister will never be the same again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 701

You deserved it 347

Caught in 4K

By happyturtle - 01/09/2013 09:57 - Croatia

Today, my friend told me she turned down a job as a babysitter because she didn't want to be secretly videotaped, as she knew the people had a nanny cam. I wasn't aware of this when I took that same job a few nights ago and asked my boyfriend to come by. We had sex on their couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 383

You deserved it 101 664

Ready to rumble

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Canada - Saint John

Today, I got in a heated fight and ended up being punched in the jaw. The fight was about Harry Potter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 222

You deserved it 21 695

Wax on, wax off

By thanks mom - 03/05/2019 14:00

Today, after 10 years of intense training, I earned a black belt in karate. When I told my mom, she asked how long it took me, then laughed and sarcastically remarked, "Wow. SO impressive," whilst slow-clapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 412

You deserved it 343

By me - 21/08/2013 23:45 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I was in love with his best friend. He confessed that he was too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 305

You deserved it 24 161

Climate change

By BloodyHorror - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, the blood from some defrosted steak dripped under my fridge where I couldn't see it. One insanely hot day later, and my whole house smells like it has its period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 006

You deserved it 495

By fme - 08/12/2010 14:34 - United States

Today, I was making out with this guy, and I ask him if he wants to take my bra off. He has some trouble getting it off and says, "This is strange, I do it for my sister all the time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 191

You deserved it 6 338

By openmouthinsertfoot - 07/12/2010 17:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to leave my one-night stand in my flat because I was giving a guest lecture at the local university. Halfway through, I hear someone sneaking in so I jokingly asked if they had a 'wild night out.' It was the guy I slept with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 667

You deserved it 41 957

The usual?

By Cian_1 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Herne Bay

Today, it has got to the point that I don't even have to ask for my booze in the local off-licence, they just hand me my bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 626

You deserved it 6 882

By beta - 08/01/2019 12:00

Today, my date unexpectedly brought her friend to dinner with us. They seemed bored of me after ten minutes and left me out of their conversation for the rest of the night. Oh, and they made me pay for both of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 090

You deserved it 870

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets the same amount of entertainment out of tickling me and having sex with me, and he likes the tickling noises better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 916

You deserved it 7 371

Today, I had the great pleasure of meeting my replacement, who was sitting at my desk in my office. My boss must've forgotten to mention to me that I've been fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 933

You deserved it 716

Today, my new upstairs neighbours sent away a package, telling the delivery guy that the person doesn't live there anymore. The package is a birthday present from my mother in-law, and it's been sent back twice now, even after talking to them and leaving a letter for them with my name on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 039

You deserved it 867

Today, my girlfriend and I were lying in her bed. We fooled around and were about to have sex as she suddenly began to cry without any reason. She cried for 30 minutes until I finally managed to calm her down. She said there was no reason for her crying. Then she fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 190

You deserved it 5 109

Today, I thought I was in a relatively soundproof room before I started up my vibrator. It would have been, if the door wasn't wide open behind the curtains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 1 352

Today, my boyfriend left our bed at 6 a.m. to go upstairs and go back to bed with his son and soon to be ex-wife. I then had to ride in the backseat of a car for 6 hours while they talked and laughed. Not once has he asked if I'm okay or what's wrong. I've barely spoke all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 1 822