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By Ihadnoidea - 12/12/2015 19:41 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, while working at a gas station, I accidentally changed the price of gas to 8.9 cents per litre. It took me fifteen minutes to figure out why everyone wanted only two or three dollars of gas. I fixed it, but now my managers are debating charging me for lost revenue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 431

You deserved it 7 123

By Anonymous - 21/11/2010 08:01 - Mexico

Spicy

Today, I was walking with and hugging my girlfriend at the same time. I tried to be funny and touched her breast, saying "Boob" in a silly voice. In reply, she slapped me in the crotch, saying "Dick" in the same voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 406

You deserved it 65 893

By Notfamous - 02/12/2015 22:18 - United States - West Point

Today, my mother found out I published a book. She demanded that I pay her all my royalties as repayment for her raising me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 843

You deserved it 1 538

Lewd

By Public Indecency - 28/06/2019 20:23

Today, after some cajoling, I finally posed naked for my long-term partner and his Polaroid camera. After saying he would cherish the intimate snapshots forever, he almost immediately forgot them on a crowded bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 772

You deserved it 522

By dicksonthebrain - 26/09/2014 13:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I was asked to order a new lockable cash tin for work. When my boss returned to ask which one I'd selected, I said, "An 8-inch black one". Her giggle said it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 290

You deserved it 6 656

By mislead - 22/09/2014 16:43 - United States - Baton Rouge

Spicy

Today, I found out that the neighborhood call-girl my husband and I secretly joke about is the same woman who secretly pleasures my husband for money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 760

You deserved it 6 183

By Anonyme - 22/10/2014 05:31 - Colombia - Bogot

Today, my boyfriend whispered to me, “I’m so tired of these fucking mosquitos.” When I asked why he was whispering, he said, “So they can’t hear me.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 648

You deserved it 74

By shadowmuppet - 31/03/2017 20:00 - United States - Bronx

Today, I learned the joy of getting a brand new leather jacket and then watching my date drunkenly throw up all over my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 646

You deserved it 585

By Dogless - 21/08/2011 05:51 - United States

Today, over a year on from my parents telling me my dog had died, I went to the shelter to volunteer, and saw my old dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 618

You deserved it 2 612

By Anonymous - 01/07/2012 00:31

Today, I was T-boned at an intersection. In an ambulance. On the way to the hospital after being T-boned at an intersection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 662

You deserved it 2 076

By Anonymous - 30/05/2019 00:01

Today, I went to have my tires replaced. While I was paying, the cashier asked if I would like a warranty for the tires. I said, "Nah, only idiots who can't drive need that." While pulling out of the parking lot, I took the turn too wide and popped my tire on the median. FML

I agree, your life sucks 549

You deserved it 3 257

Not fair

By Sorry? - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both whispered, "Sorry." Our teacher promptly gave us detention and a 0% on the test for talking. Sorry for being sorry? FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 540

You deserved it 831

Good one, asshole

By Anonymous - 24/05/2013 21:43 - Iceland - Akureyri

Spicy

Today, a package was delivered to my house, addressed to me, clearly marked "Sexual health products." Inside were condoms, birth control pills, and an invoice made out to me. My parents went ballistic and grounded me. Whoever staged this "hilarious" prank: well played, asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 671

You deserved it 6 316

By Tim - 03/08/2011 07:40 - United States

Today, I realized that as a U.S. Marine in the infantry, I'm more afraid to talk to girls than I am of getting shot at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 917

You deserved it 6 163

Oh dear…

By Wet Britches - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Portland

Today, on my rush to get home from work to use the bathroom, I hit a deer. It startled me so badly that I wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 048

You deserved it 1 743

Nearly there…

By sue - 31/05/2017 00:00

Today, I had to collect my daughter from Heathrow Airport after British Airways cancelled her school trip flight. It's fine. I was already at the airport on my way for a Girls' Week to Portugal. I couldn't go. Thanks BA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 704

You deserved it 303

Here we go again

By Anonymous - 24/06/2019 00:17

Today, after I got pregnant 22 years ago and my husband became way too overprotective, to the point where he became a right pain in the ass, I’m now accidentally pregnant again. It turns out my now 22-year-old son is almost as bad as his dad was. Now I’ve got two of the sods to deal with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 640

You deserved it 570

By WTF - 27/09/2015 07:57 - Poland - Wroclaw

Today, I was driving to work and stopped at a stop light. A full 2 or 3 seconds passed, followed by a car rear-ending me. The idiot driving it got out and gave me hell, calling me a maniac because I braked "too quickly" and didn't give him a chance to react. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 708

You deserved it 1 557

By Nickel - 01/06/2017 04:00

Today, my mom's friend came over. She brought her son and claimed that we could have bonding time. I ended up chasing the five-year-old around the house for an hour. After they'd left, my mom saw that the little kid had broken a lamp and a clock. She then said I had to pay for it using my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 956

You deserved it 273

How? Why? What?

By Anonymous - 05/03/2021 05:01

Spicy

Today, I wore leggings without underwear. When I got in the car after a busy shopping day, I realized that my pubes had poked through the fabric and my bush was on the outside of my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 2 213

By anon - 09/11/2016 20:54 - United States - Laurel

Today, my boyfriend sent me an article about how smelling farts can reduce dementia then added, "You're welcome." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 945

You deserved it 908

Hard times

By psychopumpkin - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Boston

Today, I'm so strapped for cash that I smuggled toilet paper out of my mother's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 689

You deserved it 7 469

By spinster - 16/09/2015 02:10 - United States - Lubbock

Today, as I was creeping on social media, I realized that literally everyone I've ever dated is either happily married, engaged, or in a relationship. My last date was at the beginning of the summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 349

You deserved it 3 938

By Tyguy3000 - 19/06/2017 06:00 - United States

Today, I asked a woman to take a picture of me and my girlfriend kissing on the beach. When I looked up, the woman and my phone were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 130

You deserved it 3 026

By meh - 31/10/2016 15:43

Today, at work, a guy tried to buy me for a dollar. I've only been there a week and it's the third time it's happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 372

You deserved it 743

By acnecream - 03/05/2013 13:23 - Finland - Kinnulanlahti

Spicy

Today, I was hitting on a cute girl on the bus. It was going well, and she gave me her name to add on Facebook. Since I didn't have the app, I opened Safari on my phone. It opened to my video from Pornhub I watched yesterday and started playing, on full volume, through the entire bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 313

You deserved it 73 872

By majesticous - 23/10/2016 15:56 - Netherlands - Spijkenisse

Today, I dropped a butcher's knife on my knuckle. Five stitches later, I can't even wipe my own butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 791

You deserved it 929

By kpjc - 21/10/2016 00:29 - United States - Lawrence

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say it when I caught him sleeping with my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 665

You deserved it 935

Tasty

By anon - 30/08/2015 18:44 - United States

Today, while babysitting, I made the kids and myself peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. When their parents came home, their dad took out the same container of peanut butter I had used and let their dog lick out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 481

You deserved it 2 016

By Amie89 - 09/10/2016 04:37 - United States - Toledo

Today, for the sixteenth consecutive time, I'm definitely not pregnant. Nope, I'm just super bitchy, and I like really weird food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 182

You deserved it 2 467

Amie89 tells us more.

Amie89 20

Wednesday 12 October 2016 7:20

Hey, OP here. The FML was poorly written, mostly because they never get published so, who would care, right? Oops. Sorry! My husband and I have been actively trying to conceive for a while now, and he's a truck driver who's only home on weekends, so it's doubly difficult. These past few weeks, I've been very moody and having odd (for me) food wants, so we were really hopeful, but Aunt Flo showed up, so hopes were dashed. Looking back, I've had some new stresses in my life that probably contributed to the moodiness, as I'm usually a fairly even-tempered person. And, as I can't afford healthcare (we make too much for assistance but not enough to actually afford any plans), getting checks would cost more than we could pay. In a month or so, his job will offer company-wide health care, so we'll see what happens then. :)

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The Top

The Top

Today, my brother walked in on me jerking off. I managed to close the porn tab, at least, only to end up on my mom's Facebook profile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 439

You deserved it 6 771

Today, I tried to put my friend's hand in lukewarm water while he was sleeping, to see if he'd pee himself. He woke up and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 396

You deserved it 66 490

Today, it's been a year since the man I loved for more than a decade moved in with me. I felt so lucky at the time, only to suddenly notice more and more that he's a huge racist. Against MY race. Bye bye decades of my wasted time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 595

You deserved it 257

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. Instead of being happy, he freaked out, then told me I was trying to "trap" him. We've been together for 12 years, and trying for 3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 279

You deserved it 198

Today, I got some ingredients ready for a stew in the slow cooker, planning to turn it on when I left for work. Well, my dumb, un-caffeinated ass turned it on, but put it on high instead of low. For 13 hours. It was completely charcoal by the time I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 325

Today, at work, the same manager who flagged me for being on my phone during an emergency call to my MIL, telling me my baby had an accident and busted her head open, was sitting in the office watching TikTok videos and hitting her vape pen. I guess the rules only apply to certain people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 318

You deserved it 133