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So yeah, storing money in the oven is a terrible idea. My bf (we'll call him Huck because he's a dumbass) is a bit paranoid and insisted on hiding the money somewhere where burglars couldn't find it. I told him it was fine since our nearest neighbors are a couple miles away but he insisted so I just gave up. Didn't realize that idiot would hide the cash in the oven then have a huge brain fart and use the oven to cook. We aren't complete idiots though, we do keep our life savings in the bank. The reason Huck put money in the oven was because we live on a farm that's a bit distant from the nearest major bank. We keep some money on hand in case something breaks and we have to fix it or make repairs and such. It's quicker when we have the money on hand. Otherwise we'd have to spend a couple hours driving to the bank, buying supplies, then coming back. Also while money does burn at 451 degrees, 451 degrees is the auto-ignition point of paper (the temperature that paper catches fire without being exposed to an external flame). So if the air temperature was 451 degrees the money would have burned but Huck put the money at the bottom of the oven, right on top of the hot metal burner thingy (I don't know what it's called) and that metal thing gets red hot. But yeah, Huck realized his stupidity after the oven finished preheating and managed to save some of the money though a third of it still burned to some degree. I'm still pretty pissed regardless and kinda feel like shoving Huck into the oven as well. The fact that he was trying to be nice by cooking dinner is the only thing preventing me from completely going apeshit on him. The first thing I'm making him do is go to the bank and try to replace the money. And he will never be in charge of safekeeping money ever again.

OP again, what happened with the injury was the youngest and the second youngest decided they were going to race across our living room, and the former ran headfirst into the edge of the coffee table. Hard. Those two had walked into the kitchen while the rest of them were watching a movie at the time and I don’t think she noticed what they were doing until it was too late. He got a cut that was about an inch or so wide and looked pretty deep on his forehead. We were able to bandage it up, she got the bleeding to stop and confirmed he did not get a concussion from it but everything I frantically searched online said he was going to need stitches and all of the local urgent care centers had literally just closed 5 minutes before this happened. She took him the next morning when they left and they said he was OK, thank goodness, but a very brief lapse in supervision wasn't something to call CPS over.

Hey, original poster here, I would like to add a few more details since I couldn't in the original post. First off, you should know that I work as a loss prevention investigator at a large retail store. I was excited when I arrived at work since I saw the two police cars outside; that meant my coworker caught a shoplifter. So I clocked in, grabbed my keys and entered my office to find everyone in there. All of the police officers, my managers, and coworker were males and so I was the only female. They must have been waiting for me to come in because they told me that and left me alone with her almost immediately; I still wasn't entirely sure what was going on. I did not want to watch the meth-head change; it was not a pretty sight and I don't get paid enough for such things. I also had the added bonus of having my office smell like drugs after she left. What a great welcoming to work...