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Perv

By Anonymous - 05/11/2015 01:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to convince my nine year-old brother to stop using my biology textbook as a masturbatory aid so I could actually get some studying done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 558

You deserved it 1 985

By Rech - 12/05/2009 11:09 - United States

Today, a friend and I went to Gamestop to pick up a game he wanted. I ended up buying a 17+ game, and I was prepared to show my license, but he stopped me an said, "I know you're 18". He then said, "Man, I've pretty much watched you grow up in this store." A game salesman watched me grow up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 123

You deserved it 62 441

JRech tells us more.

JRech 0

Wednesday 13 May 2009 0:06

OP here. It's a FML to me because, I'm not ashamed of being a gamer, I feel that it's just a pretty dorky situation. I totally was caught off guard when the site gave this entry the green light. I just thought it would be funny to share. A bit of background though, #155 is completely right, it's only been like 4 years.

By Oblivious - 08/05/2009 19:39 - Kuwait

Today, I found out that my husband named our daughter after his favorite porn star. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155 998

You deserved it 16 240

Sexy

By Chels - 24/05/2019 04:00

Today, I was giving my boyfriend oral, and he got so into it that he grabbed my hair. Just as he was about to climax, he pulled my hair so hard that my extensions came out. I jerked back and hit my head on the wall behind me. He then came in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 383

You deserved it 592

By dieders - 12/12/2016 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I thought she wasn't being serious when she said her mum wanted me to pay to stay the night at her house for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 079

You deserved it 683

Basted High School

By RoastedbyNature - 21/05/2017 22:00

Today, my high school decided to practice graduation outside for 4 hours instead of inside, as well as serve lunch outside. Now everybody, including myself, is going to be sunburnt in their graduation pictures, because we were told practice was inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 525

You deserved it 412

By Anonymous - 28/04/2009 09:01 - Singapore

Today, my teacher called me into his office so he that he could pass me some information for my project. Just as he plugged in my thumbdrive, he opened the folder named "School Work". That was the folder name I used to disguise my porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 196

You deserved it 110 298

By Ballsy427 - 25/07/2014 12:05 - United States - Apo

Today, I was doing a design sketch for work. I snapped a pic and sent it to my boss. She replied, "Impressive. Nice sketch too." I was drawing at home, naked. My dick was in the picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 105

You deserved it 54 020

Ballsy427 tells us more.

Ballsy427 5

Saturday 26 July 2014 2:43

I am a design engineer. My boss is good looking, but married. I apologised the next day, she said no hard feelings, pun intended. 'she's very funny'

By KismetSiren - 23/11/2016 10:30 - United States - Hoffman Forest

Today, I told my mother I got engaged. Her reply was a great heaving sigh, followed by ,"OK… So how's work going?" She showed more excitement last week when my brother managed to properly make Kraft macaroni. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 810

You deserved it 688

By ImAnEngineer - 23/09/2015 17:09 - United States - Canandaigua

Today, my boss quit, leaving me as the only structural engineer at my company. I'm fresh out of college and will have to finish the projects on my own. Hope Google can teach me how to do this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 738

You deserved it 1 891

Double standard

By NoSexForMe - 13/07/2014 07:46 - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 859

You deserved it 8 667

Just a prank, bro!

By Scared - 13/07/2019 02:30

Today, I played a harmless joke on my neighbors by pointing a laser pointer out of my window onto their wall. Apparently, my neighbors don't take jokes lightly as one of the sons pointed at my window while screaming and swearing, then took out a gang bandana and wrapped it around his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 3 059

By Anonymous - 08/05/2013 06:59 - United States

Today, my family flew out to surprise my grandma for her 70th birthday. When we arrived, she and my grandpa were both sitting on the couch, high, smoking a joint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 624

You deserved it 12 464

By blondie107 - 07/05/2013 00:52 - United States - Richardson

Today, I tried lying to my parents for the first time. My mother is a neuroscientist and my father is a psychologist. Somehow, they managed to make me admit that I was lying before I'd even finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 562

You deserved it 44 230

blondie107 tells us more.

blondie107 20

Monday 1 July 2013 22:40

Today was my first success! ... Sort of. Anyone else have parents like this? I finally managed to lie undetected but.. Well.. Like I said, sort of a success.

By future brain bleach addict - 02/05/2013 23:54 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I walked in on my sister apparently trying to eat herself out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 135

You deserved it 8 585

By MulticoloredSlug - 13/10/2016 10:57 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated. We were having a lot of fun until I decided I wanted to be on top. He instantly got soft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 465

You deserved it 1 428

Hazardous

By Anonymous - 28/09/2016 13:08 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my kitchen is trying to kill me. So far, I've hit my head three times on cupboards that opened themselves, cut open my hand on the microwave door when it slammed shut, and burned my cheek with the "heat-proof" oven mitt when I pushed the hair off my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 285

You deserved it 2 512

By Anonymous - 23/08/2015 12:35 - Australia

Today, while trying to lift a weight bar at the gym, I ended up cracking my rib cage and almost passed out. My friend, who was supposed to be spotting for me, couldn't help until the last second because he'd snuck off to flirt with a pair of guys halfway across the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 142

You deserved it 5 654

By toeloezz - 26/09/2016 18:02 - Netherlands

Today, during a regular checkup at the dentist, I got a wisdom tooth pulled out which resulted in me looking like a fat hamster. Tomorrow is my first day as an English teacher in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 082

You deserved it 1 280

By PleaseDontHateMe - 20/09/2016 16:42 - Canada - Stony Plain

Today, I tried to impress a girl by draping my arm over the back of her chair. I ended up elbowing her in the nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 315

You deserved it 5 031

Missing

By Rabite - 13/09/2016 11:22 - Germany

Today, I was on a business trip with a coworker. We had to wait for the train, so I decided to browse a store in the train station while he waited outside. I then got a message on my phone, from my co-worker saying, "You are somewhere on this train, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 626

You deserved it 5 326

Rock n roll star

By MarsMayFall - 12/09/2016 09:56 - United States

Today, I was performing for a fairly large crowd with my band. I decided it would look cool to stand on one of the speakers and sing from there. It did look pretty cool for a bit until I tried to step off and fell face-first on the floor mid-song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 869

You deserved it 6 723

By xxx - 03/09/2017 04:29

Today, at a meeting, I had a heated argument with the only female employee at the office. A little later, I managed to hit her in the face with a door, giving her a bruise. Nobody believes it was an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 686

You deserved it 536

By Anonymous - 08/09/2016 03:01 - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, I just got my windshield fixed due to a rock hitting it off the highway. Just one hour later on my way home, a large stick flew off the back of a landscaping truck. My windshield is cracked again. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 15 034

You deserved it 954

By chubrubber - 04/09/2016 18:57 - United States - Bronx

Today, I participated in a walk for charity. Even though I was supposed to walk 5K, I stopped after 3K because the pain from my thighs rubbing together nearly sent me to tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 062

You deserved it 2 383

By Anonymous - 26/09/2017 21:45 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I was having sex with a guy that I had been dating for a while, when I suddenly went into an anaphylactic shock. Instead of helping me and calling the emergency line as I was losing consciousness, the guy drunkenly slurred to me that I should "just calm down" and then went into a deep snoring sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 941

You deserved it 535

Technically Correct: The Best Kind of Correct

By Sufia - 28/10/2017 19:51

Today, my teacher called me "stupid and ignorant" for referring to myself as Asian. I'm from Pakistan. Pakistan is in Asia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 569

You deserved it 347

By Checkpoint96 - 30/07/2016 16:25 - Australia - Victoria Point

Today, it's the fourth day in a row that I've been kept awake by my grandmother's snoring. I want to be pissed off, but she has sleep apnea, and I feel guilty for even wanting her to shut the hell up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 610

You deserved it 1 280

Checkpoint96 tells us more.

Checkpoint96 10

Monday 1 August 2016 8:10

Hi, OP here. Thank you all for your suggestions, I have not mentioned to her that her snoring keeps me awake, as I think that would be rude, especially as she can not do much about it. For all those telling me that I should tell her, or that it is fatal, she knows she has it, and she is also aware that it is fatal, as is my entire family. She is just one of those people who stubbornly refuses to get treated for anything, as 'it can't possibly be that bad'. My family and I have talked to her about getting a CPAP machine, but as I mentioned before, she stubbornly refuses to do anything about it.

By uetlqdja - 21/05/2011 15:31 - United States

Today, my ex husband is marrying my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106 763

You deserved it 7 178