The Top

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Looks like we made it… Oh.

By Anonymous - 13/10/2020 08:01 - United States - San Jose

Today, I went on a walk with my family because I'm trying to be more active. We were near my son's school when I got a grumbling in my stomach. I rushed to find a place to take a dump. As I approached a Porta-Potty, my ass couldn't hold it any longer and I shit myself 20 feet away from the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 365

You deserved it 204

Why not both?

By Rob - 14/08/2024 00:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, my wife is furious with me because I would rather our teenage son see a counselor instead of a psychiatrist. I want our son to learn healthy coping mechanisms for life, not just take pills to make everything go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 447

This is going to get messy

By Anonymous - 10/03/2026 22:00

Today, my sister who I'm being a surrogate for told me that she changed her mind and doesn't want kids anymore. It's way too late for me to have an abortion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 104

Time just flies by

By Oliver Beck - 17/10/2020 08:03

Today, I found out the girl I like is in love with someone else. Five weeks ago, she told me she's never been in love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 201

How about no?

By Anonymous - 12/03/2026 00:00

Today, my parents told me that I'm going on our upcoming family vacation and that's final. I broke both my legs in an accident and have to use a wheelchair. I"m in constant pain and don't want to go anywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 69

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 21:26 - United States

Today, I finally moved all my boxes into my new apartment. I was settling in when my alarm clock that was stashed in one of the boxes began ringing. Two hours and several boxes later, I still can't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 765

You deserved it 5 820

Runner up

By milamadeleine243 - 22/10/2020 14:00

Today, I finished a huge project for work. It took 3+ days and I was very proud of it. Except when I submitted it to my boss, he said that he'd already asked another person to do it. He used that person's project, not mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 265

You deserved it 378

It's never a mannequin

By I heart Kevin from JTL - 20/08/2024 12:00 - Canada - Port Colborne

Today, I was watching a crime drama with my parents. During a tense moment, I casually said, "Oh, I know how to hide a body." They both stared at me in horror, and I had to explain that I meant from watching too many true crime videos on YouTube, not from actual experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 386

Mixed messages

By Anonymous - 16/03/2026 22:00

Today, I heard my downstairs neighbor pounding on her roof/my floor. I thought she was being a Karen and wanting me to be quiet, even though I wasn’t doing anything. I stomped back defiantly to make a point. Turns out she was having an asthma attack and was asking for help. Oops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 227

You deserved it 329

Kid A

By Anonymous - 31/12/2021 14:01

Today, my adult son is visiting, sick on my couch with influenza A. He's spent all week screaming about how anti vaxxers are stupid, but admits that he didn't get a flu shot because, "they don't work." I got my flu shot and still got sick because I'm immunocompromised. He fails to see the irony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 978

You deserved it 212

From bad to worse

By Anonymous - 15/08/2013 19:04 - New Zealand - Dunedin

Today, I had an awful day and angrily threw a glass at the wall. Needless to say, I didn't feel like cleaning it up, and I took a nap, intending to do it later. I thought I would remember the bits of glass everywhere when I woke up. I didn't, but my feet soon did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 586

You deserved it 66 725

Homestuck

By Alex - 02/04/2023 10:00 - United States - Irvine

Today, I was doing homework when had to leave to help my family out with chores. I didn't mind it of course, but it turns out I could get signed out of the science homework site, and now have no way to sign back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 698

You deserved it 126

Reluctant teambuilding

By Anonymous - 25/08/2024 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, during a Zoom meeting, five out of the six attendees claimed their cameras were broken and were audio only. I get that Zoom meetings suck but come up with a better excuse than that, or just say you prefer to be audio only, Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 429

What are you up to?

By Anonymous - 21/03/2026 22:00

Today, I went through my boyfriend’s chat with his best friend and saw porn videos. We've been together for four years and I have never seen him send me any porn videos like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 233

You deserved it 252

Introverts unite (from a distance)!

By Anonymous - 28/08/2024 16:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I tried to explain to my mum that "introverted" just means "doesn’t like large crowds and likes long periods of solitude." She stubbornly insists it means "antisocial prick not interested in being part of the family, who can move the fuck out of her house" when I turn 18 in 6 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 153

By qwerty - 27/11/2018 22:08

Today, I found out my little sister took a picture of me taking a shit and showed it to her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 33

Soggy mess

By Anonymous - 30/08/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I managed to wash my phone with my laundry. I didn’t realize it was in my jeans until I heard a thudding noise. After rescuing it from the depths of soggy clothes, I tried the rice trick to dry it out. A few hours later, my cat thought it was a new litter tray and promptly pissed in the rice, then spread it all over the counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 238

Fight Club

By Anonymous - 27/01/2022 14:01

Today, my sons are such idiots that they had a blazing punch-up that put both of them in hospital, all because one of them stole the last cigarette from a packet. Never mind they both have their own cigarettes, but for some reason the theft of this one cigarette was the last straw that lead to a punch up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 325

RIP Travis

By Fucking shithead asshole - 30/03/2026 15:00

Today, I came home to my daughter in her room, crying hysterically. She's been asking for a pet monkey for a few weeks, and my husband got tired of it and told her about Travis the Chimpanzee (don't look it up if you're squeamish). Thanks for ruining her innocence, prick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 394

No jokes allowed

By Just a joke - 02/11/2020 05:01 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, my boyfriend called my mother stupid and angrily argued with her at a family dinner. Why? We have a long-running family joke that "Vegan food doesn't contain calories," and my boyfriend thought my mum said it seriously, and was therefore a moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 173

You deserved it 258

The life script

By Anonymous - 21/01/2022 13:59

Today, I'm stuck between my absolute resolve to never have children, due to how abhorrent I find the idea of having to raise them to adulthood, and my fear that if I don’t have any, I’ll end up old and alone, probably die alone, and the body won’t be discovered until a neighbour notices the smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 026

You deserved it 564

Gambit

By Chess'nt - 03/09/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, after a couple days of taking lessons after I decided to learn to play Chess as a hobby, I felt a bit better about my skill level than I was before. Then I got absolutely humbled by five different people. One of them actually said to me, "What Glass Joe is to Punch-Out, you are to chess." It's hard to not be discouraged after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 135

Perfect ending

By Anonymous - 29/01/2022 08:01

Today, I met the most amazing man ever, we were surrounded by a bunch of pretty women, but he picked me. He was so romantic and sweet, and when we were about 2 weeks into the relationship, I wanted to introduce him to my mom, when I woke up and it was all a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 200

How does that happen?

By Anonymous - 10/04/2023 22:00 - Unites States

Today, I accidentally super-glued my hand to my face while trying to fix a broken pair of glasses. I yanked it off in a panic, taking a patch of my face along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 475

A real friend never lets you go

By Lewis - 08/12/2018 00:30 - France - Paris

Friendship is no joke

I agree, your life sucks 291

You deserved it 81

Alexa, play "These Things Take Time" by The Smiths

By p0isonOreo68 - 08/11/2020 08:03

Today, I broke my glasses, so I scheduled an appointment to get a new pair. The soonest available appointment? November 21st. FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 121

Purple haze?

By Anonymous - 09/09/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was belting out the lyrics to a song I’ve loved for years, when my friend stopped me and asked why I was singing “kiss this guy.” Confused, I looked up the lyrics and realized I’ve been singing "kiss the sky" wrong for a decade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 412

They see me rollin'…

By Anonymous - 11/09/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I finally give rollerblading a try, since it looked so effortless. I put on all the gear and started skating down the street. Within seconds, I lost control, crashed into a garbage bin, and rolled directly into my neighbor's yard. I was so embarrassed that I just lay there pretending I was "just fine, really" while their dog licked my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 477

Won't someone think of the children?

By Anonymous - 12/04/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, my family got harassed yet again by kids coming over wanting to use our pool. Ever since my parents and I moved in, it's been happening every single day, and then people accuse my parents and hating children when they say no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 72

This charming man

By Anonymous - 13/09/2024 12:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was in the store when a man started chatting me up. He was good looking and charming. He asked, “So, what are you, 22-23?” I saw him visibly recoil in disgust when I told him my real age. I’m only 35, he was about 50, but he acted like he couldn’t runaway fast enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 105

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The Top

Today, I got lost at Best Buy. Meanwhile, my mom freaked out, and they called out my name over the intercom. When I walked up to the desk and they saw I was 17, the employees burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 071

You deserved it 4 442

Today, I went to my first ever job interview, in a totally stressed out state. The employer's first question was: "What's your name?" I forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 99

Today, I was chatting with my girlfriend and I asked her to give me her phone to make a call since mine was dead. A text came in from someone and the name sounded familiar. My best friend has been dating my girlfriend longer than I have, and she gave him head. I kissed her earlier that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 051

You deserved it 3 277

Today, I hired a professional makeup artist to apply my makeup for a wedding. After paying her $500 for the excellent job she does, and getting dressed, I grabbed the invitation to check out the address, and it said the wedding was on December 2. Today is December 3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 813

You deserved it 60 678

Today, I fell in a hole in my back yard and got stuck. My mother called the fire department. They all stood around laughing and taking pictures before they helped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 330

You deserved it 5 700

Today, everyone was signing a birthday card to surprise a coworker. I was told to go find someone who hadn't signed it so I went to the office next to mine, opened the door, and told them about the card. The intended recipient was sitting behind the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 982

You deserved it 1 298