The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By jimbop - 23/05/2009 17:48 - Canada

Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 940

You deserved it 10 337

By Anonymous - 27/07/2012 09:25 - United States - Toledo

Today, while working as a manager at a restaurant, the "All employees must wash hands" sign in the bathroom was stolen. Now my employees won't wash their hands because they "don't have to." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 165

You deserved it 2 605

By AdriftInTheSeaOfPaperwork - 24/09/2014 17:17 - Germany - Dachau

Today, after waiting well over a month for a work visa in Germany that should only have taken 3 weeks to come through, I finally received my long-awaited answer. Unfortunately, that answer was "We lost your paperwork." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 742

You deserved it 2 636

Branded

By Anonymous - 12/04/2022 00:00

Today, my girlfriend keeps asking me to get her name tattooed on my chest. At first I thought she wanted a romantic gesture, but now she asks me to do it so often, it’s starting to feel more like she wants to cattle brand me as my owner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 432

You deserved it 167

Policy of truth

By WalkofShame101 - 04/06/2023 22:00

Today, my parents took the car I was supposed to get for my graduation back. Note to self: Don’t fall asleep at your friend Diane’s house past curfew. PS: Don’t lie about being at Diane’s, because they called her mom, who said I wasn’t there. I was actually at my boyfriend’s apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 166

You deserved it 1 909

Cishet normative stereotypes are boring

By Anonymous - 13/03/2022 14:00

Today, my girlfriend asked me to marry her, and I said yes. My parents were thrilled, but my brother is so immature, he couldn’t stop laughing that of two lesbians I’m the “girl” and my girlfriend is the “guy.” I swear I’m going to ban him from the wedding in case he tries to make a speech. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 041

You deserved it 273

I never asked!

By No interest in one - 08/06/2026 12:00 - United States - New York

Today, while on vacation, I met up with a friend I have been playing with online for years in person. She took me to her place and introduced me to her family. Her mom gave me a judging look, and her first and only words to me were, "You ain't getting your green card from her!" as she condescendingly walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 380

You deserved it 77

By Anonymous - 11/11/2010 05:48 - United States

Today, on the subway, a little tipsy, I sat down next to a guy I thought was cute, hoping to enjoy some harmless flirting. I said, "Hello." He said, "May I ask you a question?" I said, "Sure." He said, "Can you please move away from me?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 925

You deserved it 33 755

Commitment

By Anonymous - 07/06/2023 06:00

Today, my wife asked for a divorce. Apparently, me being forced to work on her birthday and our anniversary 3 years in a row is the absolute limit she’s willing to put up with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 611

You deserved it 916

By Anonymous - 01/09/2011 06:22 - United States

Today, while working in my pharmacy, a patient told me that he sometimes wants to jump the counter and skin me alive. He has no more refills, and his doctor is out of town for the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 472

You deserved it 2 119

FML's Video Test

By Louis - 24/03/2017 23:03 - France - Le Mans

So, can you figure out what happens next?

I agree, your life sucks 500

You deserved it 197

Whoops

By Anonymous - 08/01/2021 23:01

Today, I had a very important video call for my job. I hadn’t used the particular app in a long time so I hadn’t checked my screen name. Turns out the last time I used it was in March with my friends, and my name was "Euro Slut." My employers saw it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 1 127

Teenagers…

By Anonymous - 09/04/2022 10:00

Today, my 17 year-old is pregnant and I was fit to be furious, until my wife steamrollered over me to get to her, hugging her, and crying and how we’ll all raise it together as a big family. We can’t afford another baby. The daddy better be paying us something, or I’m gone kill him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 146

You deserved it 264

Puppies > Kids

By Anonymous - 09/06/2023 10:00

Today, my husband bought me a puppy. When my daughter got home I showed her the puppy, but all she said was, “Eww, I am not cleaning it or walking it.” She’ll make a fantastic mother one day, I’m sure of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 245

You deserved it 1 036

Lovesick

By oops - 18/05/2009 08:45 - United States

Today, I was working at my job as cashier. This really attractive girl who often comes in walked in, so I mustered up the courage to ask her out by writing my number on a dollar bill. She paid and the amount her change happened to be a dollar. I go to hand her the money when she sees it and says, "Keep the change!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 353

You deserved it 18 184

Great start

By Anonymous - 11/01/2021 08:02

Today, I started my period and have cramps that came from the hottest part of hell. I also have to go to work so that I don’t lose my holiday pay. Happy New Year to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 132

Messy

By Anonymous - 11/06/2023 06:00

Today, it's been a few years since after I married my soulmate, and two years since he found he had a daughter with his ex. The last two years have been spent in custody court. Our savings are drained by support payments, and our own pregnancy plans are on indefinite hold. I can’t take much more. I want a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 201

You deserved it 231

Crazy for you

By Anonymous - 07/11/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I realized that having someone crazy about you is no fun when they’re actually crazy. My girlfriend tried to physically fight the barista at Starbucks for offering us a wrong made drink for free. She thought the girl was flirting with me and tried to jump the counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 107

What could've been…

By Sorry for trying i guess - 14/06/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, I met my ex, who I still have feelings for, at a festival. It was my first time going after years of putting it off, and we had an amazing time. I thought we would have make up sex, until she looked at me, angrier than I'd ever seen her, and said, "Why couldn't you be this much fun when we were together?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 382

Me me me!

By Anonymous - 17/06/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, my mom showed up to the surprise party my sister planned for me on crutches. Car accident? Bad fall? Dog attack? Nope! She's fine, just a malignant narcissist who needed all the attention to be on her. She managed to “fall” several times suspiciously when we were posing for photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 66

By makeitstop - 02/12/2009 07:14 - Canada

Today, at work, I was forced to listen to the Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers Christmas album on repeat for 8 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 584

You deserved it 4 255

My precious

By Gollumapparently - 13/01/2021 05:01

Today, my friend and I took an online quiz to find out what character from Lord of the Rings we look like. She got Arwen. I got Gollum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 242

You asshat

By Natalie - 14/07/2012 16:46 - United States - Odessa

Today, my father, who's never played much part in my life, told me how proud he is of me. I choked back tears, and we hugged for the first time in years. Later, I choked back my rage when I saw he'd opened my mail and obviously planned on leeching my new-found SSI money off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 099

You deserved it 2 248

Let it out

By Username - 05/11/2010 22:02 - France

Today, I was reading to a child during nap time because she woke up crying. She calmed down right after I began reading, but soon started crying again. I was confused until I felt something warm and wet on my leg. She peed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 055

You deserved it 3 636

By Anonymous - 09/09/2014 16:16 - Australia - Perth

Today, I chatted to a nice guy and gave him my number. I told him I was going to sleep because I had a headache, and then put my phone on silent. He rang multiple times, and when I obviously didn't pick up, he sent several texts insulting me and calling me gutless for not responding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 821

You deserved it 4 156

Smothered

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I wrote "I love you" on my girlfriend's Facebook wall. She completely freaked out and accused me of being "too clingy" and that I'm starting to feel more like a stalker than a boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 909

You deserved it 8 124

Too much pressure

By Anonymous - 25/03/2022 22:00 - United States - Morganville

Today, I told my boyfriend of two years that I wanted to get married eventually, and there's no way to talk me out of it. He broke up with me immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 588

I want more

By Anonymous - 26/06/2026 20:00 - United States - Fontana

Today, I’m worried that swinging might've ruined my marriage. My wife and I both agreed and we very much enjoyed ourselves. The problem is that the other woman rode me like a high intensity thrill ride roller coaster compared to the same old merry go round that is my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 452

Move your ass

By Anonymous - 23/06/2023 06:00 - Germany

Today, my boyfriend sits in an empty apartment, complaining about it being a rat hole. HE picked the place, HE refuses my help to decorate, as well as my offer to get his stuff from the old place, and yes, he could totally afford something better. But sure, his life is shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 195

Lord give me strength

By caitlyn - 22/11/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, my adult daughter was hospitalized for severe fever, diarrhea, and fainting. The doctor couldn't find any cause other than sleep deprivation, because I started making her wake up at 7 am. I’ve never met anyone so ridiculously weak in my entire life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 232

You deserved it 857

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Birthday Family Cute Friends Relatable My ex I need your advice Love NSFW Awkward Sex Intimacy Scary Technology Annoying Work Money Capitalism Embarrassing Divorce Education Health Sports Abuse Kids Hospital Wanker Addiction Management

The Top

Today, I sent a love message to my wife asking if she was horny. Minutes later, I realized that I sent it to my mother in law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 892

You deserved it 6 795

Today, at work, I was helping someone who really sounded like she had a Boston accent. So, I asked her where she was from. She has never been out of state. Turns out she has a speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 988

You deserved it 1 802

Today, I was working a kid's birthday party dressed as a clown. The child's mother made me change because he was scared of clowns. The only thing I had in my car was a princess costume that was owned by a girl co-worker. So for 4 hours I had to entertain in a tight pink dress. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 183

You deserved it 5 118

Today, I found out my girlfriend of 3 years has been cheating on me. When I explained the situation to the "other guy", he exclaimed that I was lying because I was jealous and trying to ruin his relationship. He punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 089

You deserved it 2 988

Today I started a new job, I found out that my employer doesn't follow the labour laws and my new co-workers are planning on reporting the owner of the company. The owner is my father, and I want to help them report him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 148

You deserved it 822

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years is cheating on me. A friend had brought this to my attention. She was under the impression that we broke up because she’d seen stories of him and another woman. I found out he changed his story settings to hide the specific posts with that other woman from me only. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 72