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Armchair psychologist

By Mom - 27/11/2023 07:30

Today, I spent yet another lunch venting to my best friend about how much I hate my teenage son's girlfriend, thinking he should be with someone less outspoken. Apparently she got tired of listening because she eventually snapped, "Oh for god's sake, just admit you want to fuck your son already!" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 1 335

By thenewgirl29 - 01/03/2013 05:21 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I texted my boyfriend a cute picture that I drew for him, with a little note saying "love you." He replied by sending me a picture of a nose hair he'd plucked, along with the caption, "longest one yet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 966

You deserved it 4 300

thenewgirl29 tells us more.

thenewgirl29 20

Friday 1 March 2013 19:29

I am OP. I have known the guy for 7 years and the pic was something my son and I drew for him. haha just seemed like an odd response

By Anonymous - 24/05/2011 03:19 - Canada

Today, my boss contacted me to come in for a quick meeting. I drove 30 minutes to get to work only to find out she was firing me and wanted my key card back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 009

You deserved it 2 930

Support system

By Riskreh - 23/09/2009 11:10 - United States

Today, I had a nervous breakdown. My life has been going down the drain and I called my boyfriend for comfort. I was crying my eyes out, finally getting everything off of my chest that has been bothering me. I thought it was quiet because he was listening closely. I was wrong. He fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 292

You deserved it 8 844

Take it easy

By KittyT - 02/12/2023 00:00 - Australia

Today, on the third day of my first holiday ever, I still have food in my stomach from the first night. Yesterday I tried to walk up the beach and ended up crying in immense pain. I guess a holiday wasn't such a great idea after being diagnosed with gastroparesis a couple of weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 426

You deserved it 168

Had any calls lately?

By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 06:00

Today, I noticed that all 200 remaining business cards out of the 500 that I had made have the wrong phone number on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 1 428

Pest control

By Anonymous - 04/12/2023 16:00 - Canada - Quebec

Today, I finally fixed the flickering light in my office by tapping it with a broom. Turns out, it wasn't actually the light but a family of squirrels having a some sort of disco party in the ceiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 103

Switch 2: Electric Boogaloo

By Anonymous - 08/06/2025 22:00

Today, I found my boyfriend playing games when we have 5 million things to do, but the bastard picked me up, put me in the hall, shut the door in my face, and barricaded it with the sofa. I texted him, threatening to break up unless he opened the door; he texted back to leave my key behind when I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 262

You deserved it 709

Keep cool

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, after searching for a job for over a year now, I finally got an interview. The pressure made me so nervous that I passed out in the middle of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 599

You deserved it 5 769

Terminally online

By Anonymous - 13/08/2022 10:00 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I came home to see my dad sitting in his car. I thought it'd be fun to sneak up on him. He was filming himself on his phone, ranting about "fighting like hell" and "a storm coming." He had his baseball cap on backwards, probably because the front had the name of our town in Wales on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 162

Exploitation

By Anonymous - 08/06/2025 09:00 - United States - Baldwin Park

Today, our boss told me and her other salaried staff, "There is literally no problem this office faces that can't be solved by you all working after hours and on weekends." FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 74

Red alert

By Life With Cats - 15/08/2022 22:00

Today, I kept hearing big *THUD* sounds across the house. The first few times, I didn't think anything of it. But after several more times, I started to suspect there was an intruder. After sneaking through the house, ready to knock out whomever was there, I found out it was my cat pushing things off the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 252

On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog

By Anonymous - 11/06/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, it's been a year since I met a guy online. We clicked almost immediately. Eventually we started dating, after proving who we are through many sources. Turns out he lied about his age after he conspired to make sure I was 100% in love with him before telling me the truth. He's legal but the age gap is uncomfortable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 488

You deserved it 128

Stuck on amber

By Jaled - 11/12/2023 09:00 - United States

Today, I got stuck in an elevator with a guy I have a bit of a crush on. Trying to break the awkward silence, I made a joke about our situation, saying, "Well, at least we're not on a desert island." He replied, "Yeah, but I'd still prefer the island; at least then I could escape." FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 154

Too many to count

By pagvscgrac - 13/03/2012 04:03 - United States

Today, I got a hand cramp from popping zits on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 089

You deserved it 25 378

Fashion police

By Anonymous - 15/12/2023 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, we were running late when my wife came downstairs in a bathrobe looking like she just rolled out of bed, so I got mad. Apparently the robe was a Japanese casual robe, and she'd just got her hair done at the salon. Yeah, she’s now not speaking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 246

You deserved it 772

About that "why"…

By Wtf - 15/06/2025 15:00 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I found out that the girl I like is fucking my friend. The friend who she always said was "a disgusting sexist pig" and swore she hated. The worst part is, she's right, he's a complete dick to women. I don't know how or why he got in her pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 127

By Anonymous - 11/03/2012 23:19 - United States

Today, I watched Gigli. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 325

You deserved it 29 234

By Catie - 13/05/2011 18:47 - United States

Today, my husband and I went to the state fair. The entire time, he complained about all the money we were losing because of the high prices of both rides and food. Towards the end of the night, we counted the cash we had left and found we were $50 short. Apparently, it fell out of his pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 947

You deserved it 4 542

Movie night

By heartbrokenl12453 - 27/10/2019 12:00

Today, my girlfriend decided that the best place to break up with me was during a movie about two couples breaking up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 651

You deserved it 153

That'll do

By Anonymous - 17/06/2025 12:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, while my best friend's dad was dying, I raced to get her brother who I had never met. I had no idea how to make him feel better so I gave him a plastic glow-in-the-dark duck. I gave a grown man a trinket to try to make him feel better about his father dying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 162

It's fine

By Anonymous - 28/08/2022 06:00

Today, I rushed back to my car, as the parking meter was about to expire. I got fined by the police for jaywalking, which allowed just enough time for the parking meter to expire, and to get a fine for that too. I probably would have made it in time if I just walked calmly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 843

You deserved it 338

Shithole

By Julie Wuertz - 21/06/2021 11:01

Today, I was packing up to move when I decided to take a break. I went to get some water from the sink when a bug fell into my cup. Needless to say, I'm glad I'm moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 100

Hair issues

By Blake - 26/08/2022 00:00

Today, my wife is angry with me because after she'd convinced me to grow out my hair, it exposed my receding hairline. I shaved my head to the same appearance as when she married me, so I could feel more comfortable with my own body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 130

Mood

By Michael - 24/12/2023 12:00 - United States

Today, I remembered that I have a mood tracker my therapist gave me that I haven't filled out. Because I wasn't in the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 426

By Tommy - 06/03/2012 18:55 - United States

Today, I approached the girl I like, hoping to ask her out. Just as I strode up to her, she excused herself as quickly as she could. I then realized I'd forgotten to zip up my pants after going to the bathroom minutes before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 783

You deserved it 23 395

By CWoah - 14/09/2009 15:17 - Canada

Today, it was my court date for a car accident I was involved in back in July. I had spent months preparing a case to prove my innocence. I was scheduled to appear at 10:00 this morning. I woke up at 10:15AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 043

You deserved it 69 995

Too much of a good thing

By emmalou - 11/09/2022 10:00

Today, I went on a date with a guy who was leaving the next day. I went out with the intention of a having a carefree good time, as a single parent I don't get many and they haven't been good in years. I ended up having the BEST night in a long time, we stayed up all night talking and pleasuring ourselves, now I don't know when I'll find that again… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 287

You deserved it 364

Intervention

By Anonymous - 25/12/2023 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, we all got together and showed Dad, with evidence from our ring doorbell and our phone recordings, that I’m the only one he shouts at, yet with everyone else he controls his temper perfectly. The end result? He sent everyone out so he could yell at me about violating his privacy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 143

Mr Hyde comes out at night

By Anonymous - 27/06/2025 12:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I woke up to 20 unread messages from my friend asking why I sent her stuff like, “I hate you” and “Get lost” at 3 a.m. Turns out I sleep-texted during a nightmare. Now I have to grovel and apologize for something I don't even remember doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 168

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The Top

Today, I caught my neighbor picking my flowers out of the planter on my porch. When I said something to her, she ran off and knocked over the planter, smashing it. She is now acting like nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 143

You deserved it 3 064

Today, my anatomy teacher was putting together a skeleton model for class. He had misplaced the leg bone, so I thoughtfully asked, "What's the matter, lose a leg?" Unfortunately, there's nothing thoughtful about asking that question to a guy with an amputated leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 230

You deserved it 36 490

Today, I'm 20 years old and never been kissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 408

You deserved it 7 352

Today, my girlfriend and I enjoyed a lovely shower together. It was indeed lovely until her father came into the washroom to say “Welcome to the family!” whilst taking a giant shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 674

You deserved it 601

Today, I carried my golf bag from the club house to my car. When I got there, my rear pocket got caught in a zipper on the bag. I couldn't get them separated. I had to take my pants off to fix it. Yes, three couples walked by, pretending not to notice. Had it not happened to me, I would not believe this story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 113

Today, I tried cutting my own bangs to save money. When I was done, they were so crooked that my roommate thought I’d lost a bet. Now I have to go into work tomorrow looking like a rejected Beatles tribute act. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 523