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i'm not paid enough for this shit (and piss)

By Anonymous - 30/04/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, at work, an old lady dropped her lipstick into the ladies' room toilet, which is out of order and won't flush. I had to reach in and pull it out amid human waste. She thanked me, then uncapped it, and put some on her lips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 597

You deserved it 94

When you're a hammer…

By Anonymous - 09/11/2025 03:00

Today, my boyfriend, a blacksmith, said he needed a break because he had a terrible thumping pain in his anvil. It took me way too long to realise what he’d said and that he was taking the piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 265

By Anonymous - 14/02/2010 14:21 - United States

Today, I realized that the "pimples" on my back weren't pimples at all. Because I was unable to see how bad they were for the last week, I never caught on to the fact the they were, in fact, ticks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 274

You deserved it 6 781

Go big or go home

By kinwar - 27/09/2021 14:01 - United States - Hamburg

Today, I sneezed and peed myself while working out at the gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 133

Bad omen

By Worriedashell - 13/12/2022 12:00

Today, my husband said he was going to get errands. According to his job’s Instagram page which I follow, he was actually at his work Christmas formal. He never invited me. That’s not all. I also found his wedding band in the bathroom sink. Very close to the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 457

You deserved it 150

Hey big spender!

By Anonymous - 11/11/2025 22:00

Today, I received a food delivery. The bag was huge. I thought the restaurant had made a mistake and given me extra food. I checked the receipt; it said, “Special note: For our hungriest customer. Extra napkins!” They'd remembered me from last time I ordered a ton of food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 327

By oheyimsarahh - 16/02/2011 15:30 - United States

Today, I was sitting in social studies and someone threw a note at me. It said "Go fuck yourself, everyone hates you, just die." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 689

You deserved it 5 305

Kids is hard work

By Anonymous - 27/09/2021 22:59

Today, I told my husband I wanted to make him happy by giving him a baby. He told me either I can make him happy, or I can give him a baby, but I can’t do both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 501

You deserved it 880

Wifey

By Melissa - 18/12/2022 03:00

Today, the man I love and have lived with for over 5 years told me, “If you were the wifey type, I’d totally put a ring on it and make you mine forever.” So basically, all the cooking, cleaning, massages, and sex are all for nothing? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 880

You deserved it 420

The great escape

By Ethan - 13/11/2025 22:00

Today, I decided to start jogging again for the first time in months. I made it one block before tripping over the curb. I fell so hard, my phone flew out of my pocket and hit a parked car, setting off its alarm. I ran off when I saw house curtains all around me start to twitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 293

You deserved it 126

Classic

By Hover Hand - 21/11/2012 02:37 - United States - Merchantville

Today, someone posted photos from a party I was at. On each photo I'm posing in with a girl, my hand is not touching her, but is hovering over her like some creepy weirdo loser. My Facebook nickname is now of course "Hover Hand." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 165

You deserved it 23 016

Just be normal

By Chad - 17/11/2025 03:00

Today, I told a cashier at a store, “You have such kind eyes.” She smiled, then pointed to the bagging station and said, “Those are my husband’s eyes, he’s right there.” I spent the next minute bagging my groceries in dead silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 241

Hi Chris!

By Anonymous - 18/11/2025 12:00

Today, my coworkers surprised me with a birthday cake. It was really sweet, until I realized it was for another “Chris” who works in accounting. They only noticed after I blew out the candles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 75

Many such cases

By Lonely Melanie - 20/11/2025 20:00

Today, in a bustling store, a woman waved at me. I didn’t recognize her but waved back enthusiastically and approached her. She frowned and said, “I was waving at my daughter.” Her daughter was behind me. A store clerk saw the whole thing and said, “Happens a lot to lonely people.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 116

By marlow - 15/01/2009 02:25 - Canada

Today, the guy sitting beside me on the bus fell asleep and just drooled on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 889

You deserved it 2 727

Single and ready to mingle

By Anonymous - 12/05/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I'm 25 and still a virgin. At this point I'm not sure to feel embarrassed or proud. Imagine being 25 and not know what the fuck you are doing in the bedroom. I don't know who it would be more awkward for, me or them. Maybe I'll just avoid human interaction all together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 197

By cAtaLanbLoOd - 24/10/2013 06:06 - France - Perpignan

Today, a homeless guy asked me for a cigarette. Knowing that I only had a couple left in my pack, I gave it to him. He opened it, took one out and thanked me profusely. A bit surprised, I went on my way. Oh yes, that's right, the pack contained the money I'd withdrawn from an ATM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 337

By makiju - 13/11/2012 21:23 - France - M?zi?res-sur-seine

Today, I was severely chewed out by my boss because, according to him, I look down on him too often. I'm 6ft5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 32

Christmas hint

By SpongeBob - 26/12/2022 18:00

Today, my wife gave me my Christmas gift, a novelty kitchen sponge, then suggested I try it out on the sink full of dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 1 076

By Anonymous - 10/02/2015 04:12 - United States

Today, in an attempt to potty train my 2-year-old, I sat her on the toilet and waited for several minutes. I finally gave up and lifted her off the toilet just in time for her to pee on my new shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 910

You deserved it 5 863

Socializing

By nja - 12/07/2020 23:01

Today, it's the first day in 14 weeks I've got dressed up and gone out anywhere other than to go food shopping. Shame it’s to attend a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 610

You deserved it 264

All is fair in love and war

By Backstabbinghxx - 15/10/2021 20:00

Today, my best friend got engaged. I would be happy for her, if it wasn’t for the fact that her fiancé was my boyfriend just 2 months ago. Upon hearing the news, I severed all ties with her. She ended up bitching me out and calling me selfish for being upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557

You deserved it 133

Downsizing

By Yaneris - 03/01/2023 18:00

Today, I was told that due to budget cuts, my employment will be terminated. I maxed out all my credit cards shopping and traveling for Christmas. I threw away the receipt for most of the items I’d bought. $7,200 in debt and unemployed, what a great way to start the new year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 1 996

Stop talking now!

By Anonymous - 22/07/2009 22:05 - United States

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house for dinner. Her parents seemed upset, so I tried to lighten the mood by saying, "Hey, at least the weekend is coming up and you guys won't have to go to work." Apparently, they were upset because they both got laid off from their jobs today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 693

You deserved it 8 478

Branded

By Anonymous - 20/10/2021 14:00 - United States - Eau Claire

Today, I was talking to a friend on the phone, asking him pick me up for a cookout while his kids were yelling in the background, asking where my friend, their dad, was going. He jokingly answered them, "To pick up my ugly friend." They quickly replied with my name, out of the dozens of friends he hangs out more with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 005

You deserved it 139

Small world

By Zxry123 - 12/01/2023 18:00

Today, I told my friend that I insisted on to remaining single, but yet he still wanted to introduce me to a friend of his. Turns out it was my ex, whom I haven't talked to for 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 136

There must be more to the story…

By Jobless - 22/05/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I accidentally mistyped "one sec" as "one sex" in a group chat at work. I apologized and corrected myself immediately, but some bitch with too much free time was so offended that she reported me to HR anyway. I'm suspended while they look into it, and my girlfriend is convinced I did it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 585

You deserved it 108

By snowman - 06/02/2010 05:12 - United States

Today, right before a huge snowstorm hit our area, I broke up with my girlfriend. In her fury, she decided to grab my car keys and roll down all four windows in my car. I now have 2 feet of half melted snow in my backseat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 029

You deserved it 11 840

Meddling

By sotter42 - 20/07/2020 17:01

Today, my father-in-law decided he was going to just completely take over our engagement party, so now my fiancé just wants to go to Reno and get married there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 383

You deserved it 165

Sailed over my head

By Robbed - 05/01/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, my mom told she was robbed once, 40+ years ago. My mom is 51, so I was wondering what kind of monster would steal from a child. I then realized after almost an entire minute that it was a joke about my uncle, named Robert, who was born at that specified time. It would seem that I've been "robbed" of a brain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 611

You deserved it 295

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The Top

Today, my cousin taught me how to make dinner. My cousin is in first grade and I'm in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 504

You deserved it 41 209

Today, I was making schnitzel at our kitchen so I had to get rid of all the oil. So I decided it would be best to put the hot pan on our porch so the oil would cool down and then I could get rid of it. Unfortunately the ground is sealed with tar, so the tar melted and now the pan is stuck to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 353

You deserved it 30 733

Today, there was a traffic accident on the highway which I normally take. I couldn't resist laughing at the driver since he was stupid enough to rear-end someone on the highway. What I didn't realize is that I forgot to pay attention to the road and rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 228

You deserved it 75 660

Today, I woke up screaming. Why? Well, I was complaining to my dad yesterday about how I always hit the snooze button and just roll over when my alarm goes off, and how that results in me being late for morning classes. My dad thought he'd help out by placing a mousetrap on the snooze button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 520

You deserved it 30 685

Today, I had all four of my wisdom teeth extracted. Under anesthesia I told the dentist my entire love life and drug history in detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 866

You deserved it 15 027

Today, my husband tried to use his "grief" over his grandmother's death to manipulate me into giving him a blowjob. In the toilets. During the funeral. With his family only a few yards down the hall crying their eyes out. What an asshole I married. An absolute asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 737

You deserved it 1 019